


The Hearts in your Eyes

by BloodthirstyMerc



Category: Daredevil (TV), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man/Deadpool - Joe Kelly (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Big Bang Challenge, Blood, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Blow Jobs, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, First Time Blow Jobs, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Matt Murdock is a Good Bro, NSFW, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Smut, Soulmates, Spideypool - Freeform, Spideypool Big Bang, Spideypool Big Bang 2018, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Trigger Warnings, heartmates, tags are forever my kryptonite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 06:38:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 72,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17761703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodthirstyMerc/pseuds/BloodthirstyMerc
Summary: The day Peter meets Deadpool is the worst day of his life.------After trying so hard to forget his presumably long-lost heartmate, Peter finally gives into the feelings he’s acquired for Wade, the one person who’s unintentionally helped him mend his broken heart.Miscommunications lead to Peter thinking that Wade had found his heartmate while they were together, resulting in him spiralling into a self-destructive depression.{{Spideypool 2018/19 Big Bang fic submission}}





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanna say that this was an amazing, exciting and stressful experience. I had so much fun participating in this event and I pushed myself a little more than I normally would when it came to my fic. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it when I wasn't crying over it aha.
> 
> I had so much fun working with Cyn on this project. Your art for the fic is so sweet and perfect, I can't thank you enough for the work you put into giving my fic life! [Here's the amazing art they did for this fic!](https://cynspidey.tumblr.com/post/182792308904/art-masterpost-for-the-spideypoolbigbang-2018)
> 
> Massive thanks to my beta readers for struggling through the unedited mess this fic was. Your hard work really saved my ass aha  
> [CommonWhiteDude](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommonWhiteDude)  
> [barbecuesauceonmytitties](https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbecuesauceonmytitties)  
> [meinposhbastard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meinposhbastard)

Cancer. His brain didn’t want that word to sink in. He hadn’t wanted to accept the fact that he was going to die. No amount of money, or surgeries, or _luck_ could save him. It was everywhere, the images of the scans had made him woozy. It was like looking at a kid’s horribly attempted drawing. Just scribbles of colour _everywhere_. Wade hadn’t always valued his life, but knowing now that it was quickly coming to an end, that he had so little time left, he couldn’t help but feel wasted.

A wasted body, a wasted man, a wasted soul.

Normally, his mind would be active enough to take in the fact that it was cliché for it to be raining right now. Normally, he’d think up some stupid joke that would make him laugh at himself. Normally, he didn’t have the knowledge that he was _dying_. He felt empty and simultaneously so full of negative emotions. Anger, grief, it was all just so unfair.

It’s dark out because he’s been wandering around town moping like a wuss for hours and it’s raining. And all he can see are those images of his body, full of tumours. There’s a part of him that thinks that waiting to die is pointless. There’s another part of him that still has hope. It almost makes him laugh. He’s soaked from head to toe, but he doesn’t feel cold, he doesn’t feel anything. Everything is just numb and it’s not fair.

He’s too busy moping to himself that he doesn’t notice when someone bumps into him in their haste to try and escape the rain. By the time he even feels the contact, the person has already turned, apologised and continued on his way down the road in a jog. He’s in such a hurry, and that’s amusing to Wade because at least he’s not dying. Wade is, and yet he feels that if he rushes life, it’ll be gone sooner. So, he keeps moping, in the rain, in the dark, until his tired legs finally take him home.

He collapses onto his bed, making his blankets and sheets suck the moisture from his clothes and he sobs like a pathetic person would. Because he is pathetic, and he’s dying, and he’s allowed to cry. He cries until he passes out, until the numb feeling stops because he’s finally resting. For a moment, he’s okay.

Because in his dreams he isn’t dying.

In his dreams he’s happy.

\- - -

Peter strips out of his clothes the moment his door is closed, throwing them in a heap on the tiles of his kitchen floor as he makes a dash for his room. A shiver runs aggressively down his spine as his wet skin is met by the cold air of his apartment. He pulls on the first shirt his hand comes into contact with, followed by his biggest and fluffiest jumper. A sigh escapes his lips as soon as he curls his hands into the ends of the sleeves and gives his hands a moment to heat up.

He just _had_ to order his dinner for pick up, instead of spending a few extra bucks on delivery. He slips on a pair of baggy pants and some clean socks and finally, he felt a little better. He turns on the heater on his way back to the kitchen, picking up his dripping clothes from the floor and awkwardly balling them up and hurriedly making his way to throw them straight into the washing machine. He’ll deal with that later, food first. And mop the floor, before he wets his socks in that puddle.

All things aside, it was _worth_ it. Getting soaked to the bone so he could enjoy some Chinese because he was too lazy to cook. The taste lingers on his tongue all night, leaving him satisfied and full, but still wishing there was more. So worth it. He will be returning to that place, for sure.

He stays up late because he’s got college work to do and he gets distracted by his favourite show. He’s also not ready to brush his teeth and erase the flavour of his dinner from his palate just yet. But he does have a lecture at a reasonable time tomorrow, and no matter how tempting it is to just skip it and watch over a video when he’s ready, he has a habit of falling into guilt fuelled depression when he doesn’t show up. Reluctantly, he cleans up his apartment somewhat, deals with his washing by throwing it in the dryer and deeming it done before he heads for a quick shower. It’s not until he’s about to start brushing his teeth that he takes note of his reflection, that he takes note in the fact that his right eye was _blue_.

It takes a moment for that to even sink in, and when it does he recoils completely, eyes widening as he leans closer into the mirror, nearly smacking his nose against it. _His eye was blue_ . He looks back and forth between the right and the left, from brown to blue, before he stares with his mouth a little agape at the blue iris. And it was a beautiful blue too, something leaning more toward being teal if Peter was honest, but maybe that was the lighting of his bathroom. Dumbfoundedly, and a little stupidly, Peter lifts his hand and touches around the bottom of his eye. _His eye was freaking blue!_

And as exciting as that was, it was also a dreadful realisation. If his eye was blue, that meant at some point today, he had met his heartmate. But he had no idea who. When he was a child he used to make a regular habit of checking his eyes, just in case. But he grew up, he didn’t have the time to check his eyes every few hours to see if they changed. Hell, he hadn’t even thought about the fact he could have a heartmate in _years_. But how hadn’t he noticed? It couldn’t have been anyone he really spoke to today, he would have seen their eye change. He doesn’t recall anyone at the restaurant having blue eyes, he couldn’t recall anyone he really came in contact with today having blue eyes.

There are so many people he bypasses in a day, so many people he briefly runs into, either accidentally or with a small nod of acknowledgement as they cross paths. If he really thought about it, on his way home from the restaurant, he’d come into contact with five people alone, one of which he’d actually run into in his haste to get out of the rain. On campus, he easily comes into contact with at least three new people almost every day.

The excitement was starting to fade away. He’s met his heartmate, and he had no idea who it was.

\- - -

It was like the universe was giving Wade the biggest middle finger of them all. Not only had it turned around with a trophy that said, ‘congrats on the cancer’ written across it, but inside that trophy was a little note that said, ‘happy heartmate hunting’.

He hasn’t moved in what feels like hours﹘maybe it had been. He couldn’t stop staring at his miserable reflection, taking in the sight of his right eye which was a light doe brown. It wasn’t fair. He was dying, and amongst his misery, he’d apparently come across his heartmate yesterday. He hadn’t even been thinking about the fact he’d be leaving someone without a heartmate when he died, and now, he had a reminder of it. The world was so _cruel_.

He almost didn’t want to find them, because what would the point be? If he does, what’s he meant to say? ‘Hi, I’m your heartmate, I only have so long to live because my body is full of cancer, sorry I didn’t find you sooner, have a nice day’? At least he’d be telling them and they wouldn’t be left wondering what happened to the person they were meant to have as their own forever. But maybe not knowing would be better. After all, never knowing someone is better than seeing them once and losing them a few months or weeks later, isn’t it?

Wade closes his eyes and rests his head against the bathroom mirror and lets out another pathetic sob. _None of it was fair_.


	2. Chapter 2

Wade thinks it’s all a joke. Only there’s nothing funny about it. He knows the difference between a sick, twisted joke that your uncle tells because he  _ thinks _ it’s funny and a joke you’re actually meant to laugh at. Somehow, this is worse than the twisted uncle joke.

“Fuck off.”

“This is a serious offer, Mr Wilson.”

“And this is a serious answer. Fuck,  _ off _ .”

They still leave him their card. It makes him angry, enough that he cusses them out and throws a glass bottle across the room. Not angry enough to throw out the card or follow them out and put a bullet in the back of their heads.

He sits around moping, drinking away his sorrows and festering in his own filth and negativity for four days. Enough for him to feel like he actually is dying, not just knowing that he is. Enough that he actually ends up sick from his own lack of self-care. He sits, and he mopes and he curses the world but mainly he curses himself because he’s fucking  _ dying _ and he’s sat around wasting what time he has left doing nothing. He sits, and he stares at that stupid card, the numbers sometimes distorted from the amount of alcohol in his system or lack of sleep, lack of nutrients or simply because he stares too long. But the order of the numbers is ingrained into his brain and so he never forgets it.

He eventually stops sitting around, but his moping continues, just in different settings. Like in his bathroom when he’s throwing up into the toilet, or in front of the mirror as he stares back at the unfamiliar brown eye looking right back at him, or his bed when he lets himself bawl like the pathetic excuse of a human he is, or when he goes out and throws shit at birds and fish in ponds because he can’t throw shit at people as much as he wants to. He mopes when he decides to take a job. He sits next to the body he’d just killed, and he draws patterns in the blood because he’s miserable. He burns the place when he leaves after crying some more.

He finally calls the number. It’s the biggest mistake of his life, but at least he’s going to die, so there’s that.

\- - -

Even the name of the organisation is stupid, just like the offer they’d given him was. Weapon X, it sounded like something a kid would name themselves if they were playing heroes and villains with their friends and they pulled the short straw and had to play the bad guy. It sounds stupid, but Wade soon finds out that it’s some pretty serious shit, which kind of makes it less stupid.

_ We can give you abilities, most men only dream of. _

Wade never did believe the shit they put on the brochure. It was always so exaggerated, so fake. And what did that even mean? Most men dream of being in an orgy with the top five female models, porn stars or actors of that year. So Wade couldn’t think up much other than the stamina to survive the kind of crazy ride something like that might entitle. He doubts obtaining stamina is this painful.

There’s a voice in his head that keeps screaming that he’s dying, he has nothing to lose. But suddenly, it felt like he had everything to lose. His body had gone through hell, and he felt worse than imaginable and still, they managed to find spots that hadn’t reached the insane level on the pain scale. Suddenly, he found he wanted to die, just so the pain could stop.

And then he did.

Dying was weird, the first time at least. It was a weird feeling of everything happening too fast and all at once, so he couldn’t grasp what was going on and then there was nothing. The next thing, he was awake, gasping for breath somehow knowing he’d  _ died _ . It was weird, but it didn’t hurt, so there was that.

Then he saw the state his body was in and he wanted to die all over again.

They poorly explained what had happened to him, but a summary is this; his new shiny healing factor increases the rate in which his cells can regenerate, to the point it should kill him. Only his accelerated cancer cells are killing him faster than the healing factor can. They balance each other out, holding hands nicely as they stop each other from killing him. And when he dies, his healing factor gets a little boost because his cells are as dead as he is. He comes back to life; the cycle starts again. Wade didn’t listen to the science behind it. He just knew that even if he wanted to kill himself now, he fucking couldn’t. And that sucked more than knowing he was dying of cancer, somehow.

He continues to mope, but for different reasons now. The cancer isn’t going away, but it’s not able to kill him, so he’s not moping about that anymore. He mopes because he looks like a seven-year-old deflated balloon you find under your kid's dresser that once floated around with helium, making the kid have nightmares about clown infested drains. He mopes because looking at himself makes him wish he was dead. He mopes because his right eye is kindly reminding him that someone is out there, waiting for him and he looks like regurgitated dog food. He doesn’t even mope because his skin burns almost all the time, he doesn’t mope because sometimes he can’t see in colour because his body is in so much pain. He mopes because he was dying and he was ready to die and now he can’t and it makes him more suicidal than he’s ever been. It’s as ironic as it is amusing, and that makes him try to kill himself anyway.

It doesn’t work.

\- - -

Weapon X gets bad. Really bad. More and more test subjects are dying from their experiments. The dead pool is getting new names almost every day. Wade’s name is a constant. There’s about ten of them that have managed to make it this far since Wade was thrown into the program. He’s counting how many lucky stars the other have, wishing he could give them some of his, knowing the only way he’s going to die is if they remove his healing factor. And they can’t do that, they don’t know how to yet, which is the only reason he’s still here.

One of the experiments fucks up, big time and Wade’s left without most of his face for nearly three days as his healing factor tries its best to fix him up. It’s pretty gross, he passes out a few times from blood loss and his face keeps melting off. He throws up once, but then he gets used to it and everyone else throws up around him. Wade’s numb, but he can’t kill himself and he’s tired of moping so he just lives with it. What other choice does he have?

It fucked up his eye, but not the brown one. Somehow, they can’t even explain the science of it to him so he can’t even think about it later. It leaves his left eye white. No colour to his iris, somehow no pupil and yet his eyesight is as good as it had always been. Does it make sense? No. Does any of this make sense? No. But he’s not dying anymore, so there’s that.

They remove his right eye. He’s not sure why, but for some reason, it hurts more than he thought it should. It takes a week to heal. He thinks for a long time it’s not going to. Once it grows back, it’s white just like the left eye is and for some reason that hurts more than the physical pain he endured while they carved and ripped it from his skull. He thinks he has the colour of it burned into his memory, but slowly it fades and all that’s left is the knowledge that it was brown. His stare in his reflection is as blank and empty as he feels. He finally stops moping, because he has nothing left now.

\- - -

The insanity follows soon after. Maybe it’s his own blank stare that drives him crazy, maybe it’s the whatever they pump into his system daily. Maybe it’s because he keeps coming back to life every time their experiments kill him. Maybe he was always insane. He can’t remember.

At first, he doesn’t remember his name, or who he was. It all comes back pretty quickly though. So does the knowledge on how to use guns again. Relearning that is fun. He kills eighteen people in thirty seconds before he’s sedated. His own laughter rings in his ears even as he’s put under. And when he wakes up, that’s when he decides he’s had enough. He can’t die and he’s tired of sitting around waiting for them to figure out how to kill him. So he kills them all, and it’s easy. Any experiments left alive flee, anyone he manages not to kill are killed by the other tortured souls. But they don’t make it far before their kill switches are flicked. Wade didn’t expect them to make it.

He leaves with a new face, a new purpose and a new name.

Wade Wilson was dead and from his metaphorical ashes, Deadpool was born. It was stupid, but the irony of it all makes him laugh. After all, he was the only person whose name was left in the dead pool. It made him think he had some right to it, some claim because he beat Weapon X, made it his bitch and stole from them. Deadpool was going to stand against everything that they were and beat them, time and time again, even if it killed him. But it couldn’t, and that makes Wade laugh.


	3. Chapter 3

Being Spider-Man sucked most of the time. Peter grew tired of covering up his bruises and trying to nap whenever he could get away with it. Morning classes became a new level of hell, visiting May started to feel more like a chore than a joy, and his generally positive attitude was starting to feel fake.

It’s a relief when he finishes college because it makes being Spider-Man a little less sucky. No studying, no going to classes, and his job wasn’t as heavy demanding as schooling, so he can breathe somewhat. Peter starts liking the idea of being Spider-Man again. Until he meets Deadpool, and that sets off a new chain of reactions that suck. Because Deadpool is kind of an asshole, and kind of too clingy, and kind of way too in Peter’s space and  _ life _ . Deadpool creates problems that Spider-Man has to fix and it’s exhausting, and it makes Peter want to kill him. Except Deadpool can’t die, and that kind of sucks, but it’s also kind of nice when Peter’s in too deep and Deadpool can jump in the way and take the fall for it without consequences. Deadpool still makes being Spider-Man kind of a bummer, but it makes Peter Parker’s life a little more interesting, so he can’t complain too much.

\- - -

Meeting Deadpool for the first time was an experience, to say the least. He was crude, lewd and annoying. They got into a pretty bad fight and Peter left the asshole webbed to the side of a fifty-story building, almost hoping that when he finally broke free he’d fall to his death. But also leaving safety precautions so that Deadpool couldn’t die if that did happen. Sometimes Peter wished he wasn’t so good-hearted.

He gets home, frustrated and exhausted and ready for a five-year-long nap. He strips out of his suit and decides to have a shower to try and help him relax. It helps. So does jerking off his frustration, but tomato,  _ tomahto _ .

He steps out of the shower and lets out a relieved sigh at how much better he feels. He dries his hair a little, humming softly to himself as he wraps the towel around his body. He lifts his gaze, his reflection obscured by the mist consuming the mirror. He swipes the end of the towel over the glass and stares blankly back at his reflection.

His throat feels like it restricts itself as he takes in the sight of his right eye. His heart hammers unevenly before it squeezes and feels like it drops in his chest. The blue of his eye is gone, the iris and pupil swallowed by white. His hold on the towel tightens until it hurts, and his breathing feels like it chokes him. He blinks a few times, closing his eyes tight and giving himself a few seconds before he opens them again like maybe the colour will return. It doesn’t, and he shouldn’t have expected it to. Peter chokes on a sob and turns away from his reflection. His knees give out and he drops to the cold bathroom floor, clutching at his chest and covering his face with his other hand as he cries.

His heartmate was dead.

\- - -

Peter didn’t really feel like being out of his apartment. He’d organised to have dinner at May’s weeks ago and he’d already had to push the date back once due to a Spider-Man related issue, so he couldn’t change the date again. It was how his guilt worked. He’s been locked up in his apartment for three days, trying to occupy himself but mainly crying into a pillow or something. It sucked, he’d spent so long trying to find his heartmate, trying to figure out who it was he’d come across that one fateful day. And now he’d never know because they were  _ dead _ . It sucked, it wasn’t fair but that was life. Peter had to move on.

Peter tries not to seem off when he arrives at May’s, but he can’t stop the nervous tick of playing with his jumper sleeves and looking around like he’s expecting something to attack him. So it doesn’t take long for May to notice something’s off with him.

“Is everything okay, Peter?” May finally asks. Maybe part of her knows, she can probably put the pieces of the puzzle together. She probably can tell that he’s wearing a contact, but there’s probably a part of her that doesn’t want to believe it.

Peter’s putting too much effort into not looking at her, he knows it and he knows it’s tipped her off even more toward something being wrong. He thinks about lying, about trying to think up some excuse as to why he’s on edge. But he’s exhausted and so he gives in with a soft sigh as he shakes his head slowly. 

May steps over to him and sits directly in front of him. “What’s going on?”

Peter shakes his head and finally lifts his gaze, unable to stop his eyes from pointedly glancing at her right eye. Like most people, she wore a coloured contact to cover up the fact that her eye was white, that she’d lost her heartmate. That she’d lost Ben. He swallows thickly and tries to stop himself from crying by biting his bottom lip. Her own eyes flick back and forth between his own before she reaches out and runs her thumb under his right eye. She knew it was blue, that it should be blue.

“What’s going on Peter?” She asks again and Peter can hear the concern in her voice.

Peter pulls away, sucking in a shaky breath as he fights back his tears. “They’re gone, May… I never even… I didn’t get to-” He cuts off with a slight hiccup of breath, turning his gaze away from her as he shakes his head. “It’s not fair.”

May shifts forward and pulls him in for a tight hug, mumbling lowly to herself things that Peter can’t understand over his own wrecked sobs. He feels like he hasn’t stopped crying over the past few days. He clutches the back of her shirt in tight fists, his knuckles turning white from the grip. He presses his face into her shoulder, sobbing louder when her hand comes to rest against the back of his head and her fingers stroke soothingly through his hair.

“I’m so sorry Peter, I… I’m sorry,” she mumbles. 

He shakes his head and her arm tightens around him, her hand running over his spine in slow motions. She shouldn’t be apologising, but he gets it. All he can do is hold onto her and let himself cry it out until he’s exhausted again.

May doesn’t let him leave that night, she sets up his old room for him and he’s more thankful than she’ll ever know that he doesn’t have to go home and spend another night alone in his misery.


	4. Chapter 4

Peter neglects his responsibility as Spider-Man for nearly two weeks. Part of him thinks that he gave himself too much time off crying over someone he never even knew. Most of him was still miserable, but he knows he can’t keep himself hidden away in his apartment forever. May sends him messages every few days to try and help. It’s clear she’s trying not to be too overbearing, but that she also wants to make sure Peter’s at least talking to someone, that he’s at least not shutting down on himself completely.

It helps, he’s grateful, he tells her as much.

Despite his sorrow, he gets itchy feet and he knows he has to start patrolling as Spider-Man again. It takes a few tries for him to find the energy to get in his suit again but once he does, some part of him feels a little better. The first patrol is a little daunting, he’s not really feeling it. There’s a stupid voice in his head that tells him the people he helps out deserve misfortune, that life isn’t fair, and they need to get over whatever problem they’ve found themselves in. He stomps that down pretty quickly and gets on with his duty, pushing his feelings aside so that he can deal with them later.

He’s still not feeling okay, but he thought that maybe he was getting better, that getting back into being Spider-Man was helping. Then Deadpool shows up again a few days later. Peter’s Spidey sense goes off, in that weird way it usually does whenever the merc shows up. He groans internally and prays that maybe he’ll be left alone for once. His luck really has worn thin.

“Hey, Spidey!” Deadpool calls out as he bounds over to the hero, his usual flamboyant behaviour on full display. “Where have you been lately? It’s been awfully lonely.”

“Hey DP.” Peter sighs because, despite his mood, he’s not that much of an asshole to completely snub off the other.

“I was getting worried about you, you don’t usually stand me up on our little dates.” Deadpool nudges Peter’s side before he throws his arm around Peter’s shoulders and pulls him in hard against his side. “I thought maybe you’d come to hate me.”

“I never said I  _ liked _ you,” Peter grumbles. 

Deadpool makes a small noise and leans down to match Peter’s height, pressing the side of his face against Peter’s. He smells like stale food and milk. It isn’t pleasant.

“That’s just mean, baby boy,” Deadpool mopes and Peter tries to push him away, but he tightens his hold on his shoulder. “You at least tolerate me, which is more than I get from most people.”

“Please let go.” Peter sighs, the fight in his body leaving him. 

Much to his surprise, Deadpool’s grip loosens and he pulls his face away. His arm doesn’t fall away from his shoulder.

“If you don’t like hugs I can give you a massage.” Deadpool offers, instantly lifting his other hand and placing his hands on Peter’s shoulders, digging his thumbs into Peter’s shoulder blades. 

Peter makes a frustrated noise and pulls back, turning to face the merc and hoping his glare is strong enough to project through his mask.

“I’m not in the mood tonight, okay?” 

He didn’t mean to snap, but the last thing he needed was Deadpool hanging off him like a bad smell. And he really did smell bad. Peter doubts he washes his suit after every job as any sane person would. And again, Deadpool surprises him by holding his hands up like he’s surrendering, even going so far as to step back and out of Peter’s space. It allows him to let out a heavy breath he didn’t even know he was holding. 

“Sorry.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

It’s weird hearing how serious his voice sounds. He’s usually so cheerful, somehow even when he’s angry. Peter still hasn’t worked Deadpool out fully, but having the ability to show compassion makes Peter think he’s less insane than he previously assumed.

“Not really,” Peter mumbles, unsure of what to do with himself now. 

Deadpool nods and averts his gaze, making it easier for Peter to turn away from him too.

“Want to beat up some bad guys?” 

There’s a hint of something playful to Deadpool’s tone, but it’s not flirtatious like Peter expected it to be. Peter lets out a small, surprised laugh and looks back up at Deadpool. 

He nods. “Yeah, sure.”

Deadpool’s smile is visible through his mask, somehow, and he makes a hand gesture for Peter to follow him before he’s making a run for the edge of the building and taking a leap. Peter can’t help the slight smile that refuses to leave his face as he follows after the mercenary. 

That night he learns that Deadpool can be sensible, mindful and that he cares.

\- - -

Much to Peter’s own surprise, Deadpool ends up being the one person to help him through his depression best. Despite their best efforts, his friends and even May can’t get him to feel as relaxed as Deadpool does, nor can they get him to smile as much as the merc. It’s weird. Since Deadpool first came into the picture he’d been nothing but annoying, a thorn in Spider-Man’s side. Suddenly, Peter found he almost  _ wanted _ Deadpool’s company. And he didn’t really know how he felt about that yet.

Maybe it’s because Deadpool doesn’t know him, and he, in turn, doesn’t know Deadpool. That, probably, makes this easier. Deadpool still makes his skin crawl sometimes, because he’s apparently ‘genetically’ annoying and frustrating to be around, but Peter finds he doesn’t mind as much anymore. Deadpool’s clinginess, his flirting and his inappropriate jokes don’t make Peter grit his teeth anymore. It becomes weirdly familiar, almost like having a family member around who you haven’t seen in a while but they haven’t changed much so you still get along.

Then Deadpool disappears for a few weeks and Peter’s depression comes back in his absence. Peter realises that Deadpool was just a distraction. He didn’t work through his grief, he just ignored it. Peter had been pretending to be happy because it was easy to pretend around Deadpool. But Deadpool was gone, and he couldn’t pretend anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

“Maybe you just need to start dating.”

If Peter wasn’t as mentally exhausted as he was, the glare he shot Harry might have actually held up. But as it was, he was pathetically laying on Harry’s floor, watching dust particles fly past his face as he moped again. Harry rolls his eyes and lets out an exaggerated sigh. “No offence, you never met them.”

“That’s what makes it suck the most,” Peter grumbles, his words slightly slurred from having his chin pressed into the floor.

“Listen, Pete… I don’t want to see this ruin you.” Harry sighs, running his hand through his hair. He leans forward on the couch and watches Peter with a careful stare. “There’s nothing you can do. They’re gone, and as much as that fucking sucks, you can’t get them back. You have to move on.”

“Maybe I can’t,” Peter grumbles. Harry rolls his eyes and lets out another sigh.

“Bullshit. You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

“I’m tired of  _ losing _ people, Harry,” Peter says, defeated and exhausted. His parents, Ben, Gwen, and now his heartmate. It was like there was a wheel of misfortune that had Peter’s name on it five times, and ‘someone else’ written on the final slice. Which was conveniently the smallest slice too.

The silence that fills the space between them says it all. Harry might have lost people, but not like Peter had, and he still had MJ, he still had his heartmate. Harry drops his head forward, resting it in the palm of his hand.

“Maybe I’m not meant to be happy,” Peter mumbles lowly, closing his eyes as he lets that thought sink in.

“Don’t. Don’t say shit like that, Pete.” Harry almost growls.

“I lose everyone I care about.” Peter finally pushes himself up and looks over at Harry. Sorrow fills his eyes, his own stupid emotions feeling like they’re choking him again. Harry turns his gaze away and sets his jaw. His hands curl into tight fists against his knees.

“You haven’t lost May, you haven’t lost MJ or  _ me _ ,” Harry argues, frustration building when Peter shakes his head.

“ _ Yet _ .”

“Peter,” Harry snaps, feeling a surge of anger crash over his body. He manages to swallow it down, manages to take a sharp intake of breath before he loses it completely. “We care about you, we’re not going  _ anywhere _ , okay? I know it’s hard to believe that, I know you’ve lost a lot but I’m not going to give up on you. You’re my best friend, you’re not going to lose me.”

Peter can’t help but think that it’s a ticking time bomb, that eventually he will lose them. He can’t help but think that someone, somewhere has a little list and is slowly crossing off names of the people in Peter’s life. And it scares him to think that maybe he’s right. Peter sighs, pulling his knees into his chest as he rubs at his eyes.

“We love you, Pete.” Harry mumbles and Peter’s chest feels like it tightens too much. He swallows thickly and lifts his gaze.

“I know.” Peter’s voice cracks slightly. And he’s back to square one, as he holds back his tears. Harry pushes himself from the couch and kneels down beside Peter, pulling him into a tight hug. Peter clutches at Harry almost desperately, praying to anything, to  _ something _ that he’d never have to be a moment in his life without the man.

\- - -

Despite disagreeing with Harry’s suggestion, Peter still tries. It doesn’t last long. He dates three people.

The first girl was nice. Her name was Lily and she had beautiful blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. They remind Peter of his eye before it turned white. He tries not to think about it too much.

It seems that things are going pretty smoothly for a few weeks. He tells Harry and MJ about her, but he never ends up telling May. He didn’t want to say anything until it started to look like maybe it was going to be serious.

Lily invites him over for dinner one night and she cooks an amazing meal that reminds him of May’s cooking when he was a kid. Then Lily drops a bomb on him that almost makes him snap at her. But at least she was honest, though he’d have preferred if she brought this up when they first met. She tells him that she’s still waiting for her heartmate, that when she finds them, well, she lets Peter figure the rest out. Peter’s straight up honest too, states he doesn’t want to be waiting it out for the day she suddenly packs up and leaves if things ever get serious between them.

She cries, stating that he’s really nice and she genuinely likes him and wants him to stay. He leaves anyway with an apology and never hears from her again.

Five weeks later he meets another nice girl. Her name was Rebecca. Her eyes are doe brown, like his own and she states that she’s not interested in finding her heartmate. She tells him the depressing story of how her parents were heartmates and came to hate each other, which led to her not wanting to find her own. Peter could understand that.

He’s not with her for very long when she calls him Derek. When he awkwardly tells her that’s not his name, she fumbles over herself, stating that he was her last ex and that they looked the same. When it happens again a few weeks later, Peter figures somethings up. Turns out she was dating two other guys, trying to figure out who was the best fit. And the reason she kept calling him Derek was because the guy did actually look a lot like Peter. Despite it, Derek doesn’t break up with her then while the others do, so at least there’s that.

Her third boyfriend’s name was Jordan, and that’s how Peter meets the third person he dates. He’d always been open to the idea that his heartmate might have been a guy, so he was okay with the thought of dating him, despite never considering his own sexuality. At first, he and Jordan hit it off as pretty good friends. Maybe it was because they’d both been awkwardly dating the same chick, maybe it’s because Jordan was born with his left eye white, knowing his whole life he’d never have his heartmate. Maybe it’s because Jordan’s smart, and loves science as much as Peter does, maybe it’s because he’s kinda hot, but eventually, they start dating.

Jordan’s got striking black hair and his right eye is emerald green. He’s gorgeous, with tan skin and a smooth voice. He’s nearly a foot taller than Peter too and something about him just makes Peter’s insides feel a little gooey.

They date for about three and a half months.

Things between them were good. Jordan was sweet and understanding. He liked Peter’s friends and they liked him. May adored him and Peter couldn’t blame her. Peter started to believe he was genuinely happy again.

The first time they’d had sex… was an experience. Peter had never been with a guy before, and he was more relieved than he wanted to show that Jordan stated he’d been with a guy before and that he enjoyed bottoming. It was still a little awkward, Peter was nervous, but it was still amazing. Afterwards, he’d felt as good as he had once he’d had decent and practised sex with a girl. It was kind of mind-blowing how good Jordan made him feel.

A few weeks later and Peter bottomed, out of curiosity. Jordan had been okay with trying it, stating that he wanted Peter to have at least tried it despite the fact he wasn’t too much into topping. He warns Peter that the first time isn’t always a good time. Peter’s pretty fifty-fifty with it. It wasn’t terrible, he’d definitely felt good, but he wasn’t in a hurry to try again.

He never got to.

A few weeks after that and they were in Peter’s apartment, hanging out on the couch complaining about the heat. Peter had mentioned that there was a way to deal with that. Jordan had seemed a little unnerved when Peter had taken his own shirt off, but Peter had pushed the thought aside. He’d sat in Jordan’s lap and gotten his shirt off, between kisses. Only to notice the mark on Jordan’s chest, over his heart. Peter had stopped, Jordan stared off to the side looking ashamed of himself and Peter’s heart had  _ shattered _ .

When a person kissed over their heartmate’s heart, a mark was left in the skin, like a claim. The marks look like birthmarks, in the same spot and shape for everyone when they’re left behind. The mark on Jordan’s chest had unmistakably been such a mark. Peter had deflated and mumbled stupidly about how he thought Jordan was born with a white eye, hence he’d never meet his heartmate.

He’d been lied too, again. Jordan’s heartmate hadn’t died. He wore a white contact to hide the fact that his eye was a greyish blue and he’d been covering up the mark with makeup so Peter didn’t see it. His heartmate was very much alive, and he’d met her personally, about a year and a half ago. Jordan had told Peter that he was  _ gay _ , that he wasn’t attracted to her. She’d understood, despite being pretty torn by the confession. Peter would have too if he’d been told from the start.

Three days after Peter breaks up with him, Jordan sends him a message, stating he wished he’d just had the balls to tell Peter the truth from the start, that he missed him, that he thought maybe he loved him. Peter spiralled back into a heavy depression because he’d felt maybe he was falling in love with Jordan, too.

Peter decides after that, that he’s not going to date anymore because everyone was either waiting for their heartmate, or lying.


	6. Chapter 6

During a particularly difficult patrol one night, Peter runs into Daredevil. It’s not uncommon to see him around on the odd occasion, but Peter decides to hang around with the other for a while, just so that he’s not thinking about something depressing. It’s been a good month since he broke up with Jordan and that sadness still sitting in his chest seems like it has no intention to leave him any time soon. Daredevil seems a little hesitant at first and Peter would have understood not wanting to hang out if he had something to be doing. Peter guesses that somehow Daredevil knows he’s wallowing in self-pity and sticks around.

“How have things been? I haven’t heard you in a while.” Haha, blind jokes.

“Okay, I guess. I shouldn’t complain.” Peter shrugs.

“Just because you’re a superhero doesn’t mean you have to be okay all the time.” Daredevil mentions in a calm tone.

Peter’s not one hundred percent sure how Daredevil’s powers work but he always seems to be able to sense what people are feeling, regardless of how good they are at keeping their tone flat and unassuming. Not that Peter’s amazing at that all the time, but that’s beside the point. Daredevil can sense emotions or something, that’s the conclusion Peter pulls from it.

“I’ll be okay.” Peter sighs, fiddling with his web shooters a little as a distraction.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t like. But I’m all ears, quite literally.” Daredevil offers Peter a small smile. Peter turns to look out over the city and gives himself a moment to pause and think about it.

“I… I lost my heartmate.” Peter mumbles with a slow shake of his head. “Nearly a year ago now actually. I just… it’s weird. I’m not as sad about it now as I am frustrated. I tried dating but it just… it really wasn’t working out. I don’t know. It’s just… it’s hard.”

“I’m sorry. I can only imagine what that must be like.” Daredevil’s voice has lowered, and he sounds unlike himself. Peter shakes his head and chews his bottom lip.

“I’m just… I’m annoyed I never met them, y’know?” Peter leans back and rests his head against the wall behind them.

“I can understand that. It would… it would make things harder to a point, right?”

“Yeah.” Peter closes his eyes and lets out a small sigh. “How do you do it?”

Daredevil’s eyes were ruined, Peter hadn’t seen them, but he’s had them described to him before. The acid that ruined Daredevil’s sight had also damaged his eyes to the point they didn’t know if they’d function how everyone else’s did. Even blind people’s eyes can change colour when they meet their heartmate, but they had no idea if Daredevil’s would. And even if they did, he’d never know.

“I’m blissfully ignorant. I will never know if I find my heartmate, or if they’ve died. It doesn’t bother me because I’ve never given myself the chance to think about it. I don’t even remember the colour of my own eyes properly, it’s not something I think about.” Daredevil gives a small shrug and turns his head in Peter’s direction. Peter looks him over with a small tugging of envy at his chest.

“I wish I could be ignorant like you.” Peter mumbles. Daredevil shakes his head and reaches out, his hand finding Peter’s leg and giving it a small squeeze.

“It’s not great. You forget the struggle everyone else is going through. You become ignorant to everyone else while you’re at it. For a long time, I would ridicule people who took the notion of heartmates so seriously. But it’s what we are,  _ who _ we are. I’m the exception, not everyone else. It took me a while to figure that out.”

“It wouldn’t hurt as much though.” Peter sighs, looking away from him again.

“I was a kid when I lost my eyes. The idea of my heartmate was the last thing on my mind. If I had been older, it would have destroyed me. Do not wish ignorance on yourself.” Daredevil pulls his hand away from Peter’s leg and drops his head forward a little. Peter doesn’t know how to respond to that. So, he doesn’t.

“Do you ever think that maybe… maybe they’ll find you?” Peter asks instead.

“No. I don’t think about it at all.” Daredevil states. Peter nods and frowns slightly.

“I guess I wouldn’t either.”

And that’s when Peter decides he’s not going to think about heartmates either because there was nothing waiting for him except disappointment and heartache.

\- - -

It was worth it.

Ignoring the idea of  _ his  _ heartmate made things a lot easier for Peter emotionally. Daredevil’s words stuck with him, the idea that he should not let himself become ignorant. He didn’t let himself become oblivious to the fact that other people have heartmates, he just ignored the idea of himself having one. Because he  _ didn’t _ . For some reason that had never properly sunk in until that night with Daredevil.

It’s not like you lose your heartmate and the world takes a moment to conjure up another one for you. Heartmates were either forever, or  _ never _ . Simple as that. Peter’s was never, and once he stood back and looked at the big picture of what that meant, it was easier to swallow. He wasn’t and never will be alone. May had lost Ben, but she soldiered on and he sure as hell could do the same thing. Daredevil would never know if he ever found his, whoever Gwen’s heartmate was they’d never have her. People died, heartmates were lost and that was life.

It was weird having this new sense of freedom to Peter’s life. It was like finally lifting up the curtain just a little bit more and being able to see further than imaginable. Peter was his own person and the lack of a heartmate didn’t change that. Now that he had that idea in his head, he could breathe easier. He had Daredevil to thank for that.

He seeks out the other on patrol nearly a month later. Finding him wasn’t too hard, and after helping with taking out a gang that Daredevil was taking care of, Peter asks him if he has a moment to talk. Daredevil agrees with a soft and kind smile. So, they sit on another rooftop and at first, Peter’s not sure how to start.

“Thank you.” He mumbles after a moment of silence passes between them. Daredevil turns his head a little with a slight tilt like he was curious.

“What for?” he asks. There’s a hint of amusement to his tone and Peter’s just glad that they’re able to be so laid back and calm around each other.

“The other night. It really helped.” Peter admits with his own soft smile. He knows Daredevil can sense it, or whatever power he has to be able to tell that Peter’s returning his smile.

“I’m glad. I know it’s hard, but you have a life to live, you’re still young. Life… it’s cruel and usually to the best of us. Don’t beat yourself up just because life hit you first.” Daredevil offers. Peter shakes his head lightly with a small laugh escaping his lips.

“You’re really good with words, did you know that?” Peter asks with a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

“I’ve been told. It’s nice to know that I can help people out.”

“You did, you do. I… I think I’m starting to feel happy again, y’know? I’m not depressed. It really cleared my head.” Peter lets out a small sigh and lifts his head to stare out over the city and its bright lights.

“What helped the most?” Daredevil asks. Peter takes a moment to think about it.

“I think realising that I’m not alone. And it’s weird, I’ve got people in my life who have lost their heartmates, people I’ve lost myself. But never once did it really set in that I wasn’t the only person to have lost someone who was meant to be so important to me even though I never knew them.” Peter frowns lightly as he drops his gaze to watch his feet dangling off the edge of the building.

“Have you ever talked to someone who isn’t a friend or family about this before?” Daredevil asks.

“No,” Peter admits. Daredevil clicks his tongue and rests his hand lightly on Peter’s shoulder.

“It’s hard to sympathise with people you know. You experience their pain with them, they experienced yours with you. Talking to someone who doesn’t know you like that, it’s eye-opening. You’d put yourself into a box and you were too scared to find out what was on the other side if you opened it up. That’s why it helped. You realised there are people outside of your box who know exactly what it’s like to go through what you are.”

Peter gives a small nod and lets out another small sigh. “Yeah… it really helped. Our brains work in the weirdest ways.”

“They do. That’s why you hesitate to talk to people who don’t know you personally, even though it’s one of the best things you could do for yourself.” Daredevil states. Peter thinks about Deadpool. He had offered to listen, and it had been the thought that Deadpool doesn’t know him that had stopped him from saying anything about it. “You’re fortunate. As a superhero, you have a lot of people who don’t know you personally that you can talk to. Don’t waste that chance. Spider-Man is human too, despite what many think.”

“Yeah… he is.” Peter closes his eyes and sucks in a small breath. He looks back over to Daredevil and offers him another soft smile. “Thank you, again.”

“Don’t mention it. I’m just glad I can help.” He returns Peter’s smile.

They fall silent again and Peter just lets that small seed of contentment, of happiness in his chest bloom. It felt nice, knowing he had someone to go to, even if it was just some blind crime fighter. Daredevil was his friend, and just like Deadpool, Peter could trust him to be there. Peter didn’t have to isolate himself in his feelings.

The smile falls from Peter’s face and he swallows thickly. He eyes Daredevil from the corner of his eye. He’s blind, but that doesn’t mean he can’t  _ see _ and so it doesn’t take him long to turn his head to look at Peter like he somehow caught him staring. Seriously, Peter needs to know how he does it.

“You’re brewing.” Daredevil hums and Peter lets out a deep sigh.

“I do that sometimes.”

“Only sometimes?” He asks. Peter chews his bottom lip.

“I do that a lot.”

“What’s on your mind?” Daredevil asks and Peter shakes his head softly. 

There was being thankful, and then there was being stupid. Peter sat dangerously on that line right now. His own feelings and emotions could rattle him all the wrong ways at times and he could think up things that shouldn’t or wouldn’t happen and tries to bring them to life.

Is he attracted to Daredevil?  _ No. _ Is he attracted to the idea of someone who cares about him and helps him out, who is smart and willing to sit down with him and just talk?  _ Yes _ .

“I’m thinking about how thankful I am.” Peter settles on saying. He pulls his legs up onto the ledge of the building and hugs his knees close to his chest.

“And?” Daredevil prompts and Peter startles slightly. There wasn’t an and. He goes to state so, only to pause. There was. He knew there was.

“And how…”  _ How pathetic this is _ .

“Take your time.” Daredevil speaks in a low and calm voice. Peter sighs and closes his eyes. He focuses on his breathing for a bit to try and sort out the turn his thought process had taken. It takes him a few minutes.

“I’m thankful that you’ve helped me. I want… I want to repay you.” It wasn’t a total lie. Because there’s no attraction. He’s just been alone and depressed for months and suddenly one person with the right words has him feeling like he’s going to be okay again. Because people’s brains were stupid. Peter was stupid. His feelings were stupid.

“There’s no need. I helped you because I wanted to, I don’t expect repayment.” Daredevil waves it off dismissively. It makes Peter panic a little.

“It’d make me feel better.” He blurts out. He hadn’t wanted to. But he’d said it now. It was a guilt thing, he’d worded it like that because the whole reason Daredevil is here is to make him feel better. Sometimes Peter really hated himself. Daredevil pauses for a moment before he gives a small nod.

“Because… we’re both in the same position and it’s kind of stupid but like… Jesus Christ, what is wrong with me?” Peter sighs and drops his head into his hands and lets out a small sound. Daredevil is silent for almost far too long.

“I’ve never suggested that I might be into guys.” Daredevil mentions and Peter pales. His fingers try to grip roughly at his hair, but with his mask in the way they kind of just slide around. He lifts his head, fully ready to come up with some sort of excuse as to how that wasn’t what he was trying to get at. Daredevil chuckles and leans back against the wall behind them and offers Peter a sideways smirk. “I’ve heard you’re quite attractive.”

“Wh-what?” Peter asks in surprised shock. He stares wide-eyed at Daredevil as he lets out a small chuckle.

“Deadpool doesn’t shut up about you.” He offers and Peter deflates.

“He’s never seen me.”

“I’m aware.” Daredevil hums. “So… what did you have in mind?”

Peter swallows thickly and drops his gaze as heat crawls over his cheeks.

And that’s the night Peter gives his first blow job.


	7. Chapter 7

Deadpool finally shows up again. It was just over a whole year before the merc seems to appear out of nowhere while Peter’s on patrol. At this point, Peter would say that he  _ was _ happy again. No more thinking that maybe he was getting better. He was sure he was. Daredevil helped a lot. Nothing else happened between them, Peter was relieved. He knows he just needed it out of his system and he has a feeling Daredevil knew that too. Things didn’t get awkward between them, and Peter was relieved about that, too.

“Hey, baby boy!” Peter hears the shout, thinks about ignoring it as he swings past the building. But he finds he can’t and ends up turning right back around and standing before Deadpool. “Long time no see!”

“Where have you been?” Peter asks, sounding a little annoyed. The merc had just vanished, for all Peter knew he could have been dead for good.

“Dead.”  _ Oh _ . “Well, not the whole time. I went into space! It was pretty cool, but I died while I was off world and it took me a long time to heal, I think it might have been because of the weird alien planet, but once I did I had no way to get back to Earth. Eventually worked it out, I’ll save you the details, it’s kinda like the whole  _ Cast Away _ situation meets  _ Jack Sparrow _ .”

Peter just stares for a moment. What was he meant to say to that? Deadpool stares back. Peter manages to avert his gaze and clears his throat. “Besides um… all that, how’ve you been?”

“Insane, full of cancer, the usual.” Deadpool shrugs.

“That’s… good?” Peter isn’t sure if that’s the right word, all things considered. Deadpool’s silent for a long while, which is a little unnerving.

“What about you?” He finally asks. Peter shrugs.

“The usual.” He offers.

“I’m sorry.” Deadpool suddenly blurts out. Peter frowns and stares at him again.

“What for?”

“Disappearing. I mean… maybe you didn’t care. You probably never even thought about me. But I know you were going through something rough and I just left. So, I’m sorry. And I mean it.” Deadpool mumbles, his gaze cast downward as he plays with his own fingers.

“I thought about you,” Peter admits. Deadpool’s shoulders tense up.

“Really?” He asks, lifting his gaze again. Peter nods.

“I did. I uh… missed you too. It was weird not having you around.”

“…I don’t think anyone’s missed me before.” Deadpool states in a low voice that is unlike his own. Peter feels slight pity, though he could somewhat understand. Deadpool was a lot to digest, and most people didn’t give him a chance to get comfortable around them and start to simmer down, making it easier to take him all in. Peter had, and Deadpool wasn’t so bad once you got used to his kind of crazy.

“And I did care. I do care. You… you were there for me when I needed someone.”

“Always will be baby boy.” Deadpool offers, and he’s starting to sound like himself again. Peter smiles softly to himself.

“Thanks. If you ever need… I can be there for you, too.”

“Aw Spidey, that’s so sweet!” Deadpool steps up to him and throws his arms around Peter’s neck. Peter grunts from the slight force of the hug and the fact that Deadpool leans a lot of his weight on him, but he can’t help but chuckle lightly.

It really was good to have the merc back.

\- - -

Deadpool hangs around as he normally would again. It’s like he never really left in the first place. He constantly shows up seemingly from nowhere to join Peter on his patrols, being his normal charming self the whole time. Peter wishes he could say that the merc was annoying, or overbearing, but he’d be lying. Maybe he’d just gotten used to Deadpool and the way that he acts, therefore it didn’t annoy him anymore. Maybe he’d started to see Deadpool differently. He wasn’t sure. They had a similar kind of humour, though Deadpool is a lot more crude and lewd about it. Peter still chuckles even at the jokes he calls Deadpool out on for being too much. Deadpool is easy to be around. He’s so carefree and overall flamboyant.

They make a good team too. Deadpool doesn’t instantly shoot some douche he thinks deserves it. Not in the head or chest anyway. Usually in the knee, making it impossible for them to escape while also getting across the fact that if Spidey wasn’t around, the guy would be very much dead. He sort of makes Peter’s job easier, when he’s not doing something to be frustrating. Because maybe Deadpool wasn’t a constant annoyance, but he knew how to push the wrong buttons, and he did so when he wanted too. Peter couldn’t say he hated him, which is a little frustrating in itself.

Everything’s going okay again. Peter’s better mentally and he’s starting to get back into the rhythm of life again. He’s living. But the world is cruel. Only this time, that stupid wheel of misfortune actually lands on the ‘someone else’ slice. That someone else happens to be Deadpool.

Deadpool shows up on Peter’s patrol again, only not in the way he seeks out the Spider and chooses to hang around. Peter finds him in an alleyway. Dead. Peter knows Deadpool can die, he’s heard the stories that Deadpool sometimes repeats with some of the details changed a little. But he’s never seen it. It’s as unsettling as it sounds. Deadpool’s propped up against the wall of the alley, his body slumped to the side slightly. His suit is mostly shredded, his chest ripped open and still exposing most of his ribs. It’s nauseating, but Peter holds himself together. He can see that his healing factor is trying to help him, but Peter isn’t sure how good it is. He tries to ignore the sight and moves over to the merc, dropping into a squat, trying not to think about the fact that he’s standing in a puddle of Deadpool’s blood. There’s a bullet hole between the merc’s eyes. Peter swallows thickly and turns his head away, the stench of blood stained into his senses.

He’s not sure what he can do to help, but he knows that leaving Deadpool where he is isn’t an option. It’s a bad idea for one, and second, it’s just  _ wrong _ . Peter ignores the gut-churning feeling he has and awkwardly scoops up the merc’s limp body. He’s heavy, but nothing Peter can’t handle. He tries not to think about what a bitch his laundry is going to be to do now. He’s fortunate to have a decent memory because Deadpool had been talking about Spider caves the other week and mentioned how he has a safehouse that he crashes in for emergencies, like a Spider cave, only without spiders. Peter hadn’t been paying proper attention, but Deadpool had told him where it was, inviting him over to get ideas for his own cave that he tried to tell Deadpool he doesn’t have.

He heads there. There’s no hidden key that he finds, but the window is unlocked anyway. Great security. There’s no mistaking that the apartment belongs to Deadpool. The evidence is everywhere. Peter ignores it and takes Deadpool straight into the bathroom once he locates it. He looks for some form of medical supplies without expecting to find any. But he does, in the lounge room, under the TV. Peter doesn’t question it.

He’s still not sure what he can do to help, given the merc’s state, but he wants to try. So he does.

Deadpool’s chest is almost completely healed up now and so Peter does what he can to stitch up the part of the merc he can. He cleans up the wounds to the best of his ability, not using anything that looks like it might react badly to the merc’s scarred flesh. He knew of Deadpool’s physical state, but he’d never really been this close and personal to it. The scarring is horrid, Peter feels a pang of pity in his chest. He stares at the blank stare of the Deadpool mask for what feels like forever before he finally removes the mask. His heart sinks.

“You poor bastard.” He whispers to himself. He should have expected to see the merc’s face in the same scarred condition as the rest of his body, but he’d had hope, for Wade’s own sake, that maybe he wasn’t. He doesn’t dwell on it too much as he cleans up the bullet wound as best he can, finding it’d gone straight through his head and out by the base of his skull. He tells himself it’s  _ not _ brain matter on his gloves.

Once Deadpool’s as cleaned up as Peter thinks he can get him, he sort of just, stops. What was he meant to do now? He didn’t know how long it’d take for Deadpool to grow back a functioning brain and heart. He didn’t know if the merc even  _ would _ . That thought was a little too terrifying, but given the fact his body was slowly healing, he doubts Deadpool was  _ dead _ dead. He just tries not to think about it. He doesn’t know what to do with himself, but he imagines that just sitting around doing nothing might not be the best idea, besides, he’d get bored.

He carefully picks Deadpool up from the floor and moves his body from the bathroom into the lounge room. Part of him thinks that going into the merc’s bedroom was too much of an invasion of privacy, no matter how much just being in the apartment in general without Deadpool’s consent already was. He sets the merc down on the couch, laying him as comfortably as he can. He stares at Deadpool’s unresponsive face for a while, probably too long, before he turns around and looks at the mess of the apartment. He’d have to find something to do.


	8. Chapter 8

Wade opens his eyes slowly, holding back a groan of discomfort. That had  _ sucked _ . It’s been a while since he’s had some wild mutant attack him. He couldn’t help but think of Daken while he was in the fight. The mutant had claws, long sharp claws. And teeth. Those teeth were scary. She seemed to be pretty hardy too, not a healing factor but tough skin. She was fast too. Wade barely had time to react to most of her attacks. She’d torn him to pieces, ripped open his chest and started chewing him up, alive. She’d ripped out something, Wade wasn’t sure what body part she’d taken from him before she took his own gun and shot him in the head. There was a dull ache in his body, but not nearly as bad as he’d have expected to feel after being half eaten alive. He should know. He’s been there before.

He frowns. There was a ceiling over his head, which wasn’t right. He remembers being in an alley. Maybe he didn’t. His memory was patchy at the best of times. He rolls onto his side, looking around to try and figure out where he was. Safehouse. He sits up and rubs at the back of his head. He shouldn’t be here, he knows that much. He notices his lack of clothing on his body. Only his pants and belt, no shirt. His shoulders stiffen when he realises, no mask either. He looks around frantically. It’s on the coffee table, bullet hole and all. There’s a note next to it.

_ ‘Don’t freak out, I’m in the kitchen’ -Spidey _

Wade freaks out. He turns quickly to stare over at the doorway and that’s when the smell of food hits his nose. It’s Mexican, but fresh, unlike the stench that’s constantly stained into his living space. He picks up his mask and pulls it on, jumping over the back of his couch and making a dash for his bedroom. He pulls on the first jumper he finds, covering as much of his body as he can. Nervously, he makes his way back into the kitchen. Spidey’s at his stove, cooking. Wade’s mind is too muddled to even come up with some joke about it. He either hears Wade or senses him because he suddenly turns around and looks over to Wade. He’s still fully in the Spidey suit, which shouldn’t be a surprise.

“Hey, you’re okay. I… I didn’t know how long you’d take to heal and I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I cleaned up a little, sorry, but your place was a mess. You like Mexican right? You always talk about it, so I thought… I imagine growing back organs would build up an appetite.” Spidey chuckles softly, his gaze back on the food. He sounds nervous. Wade  _ is _ nervous.

“You helped me,” Wade mumbles stupidly. Spidey’s shoulders tense up and he turns his head back to look at Wade.

“Well, yeah, as much as I could.” Spidey shrugs lightly.

“But... why?” Wade asks, still dumbfounded. Spidey was in his safehouse, cooking him fucking Mexican food after he’d dragged Wade’s corpse back here.

“Why wouldn’t I? We’re friends… I couldn’t just leave you there.”

_ Friends _ . That was new. Wade swallows thickly and cautiously steps further into the room. Spidey watches him as he sits himself down at the table. It was as clean as the day Wade had moved in, which was the last time it was clean. He cringes to himself thinking about how disgusted Spidey must have been seeing how dirty his place is. Wade stares at the table, unsure as to what to say. Most people would leave him, knowing he’d heal eventually.

“I uh… figured you’d want the mask back.” Spidey mumbles softly, his attention back on his cooking.

“You saw my face,” Wade mutters. Spidey sighs.

“I’m sorry, Deadpool. I just… I wanted to help.”

“I’m sorry you had to see it.” Wade plays with the tattered sleeves of his hoodie. Even that was gross. Spidey turns around again, facing Wade fully.

“No… I… you’re…” Spidey fumbles over his words. It makes Wade snort.

“It’s pretty fucked. Like some old cheese. Did you throw up? Sorry if you did, most do.” Wade tries to laugh it off, but even he knows it sounds fake.

“I didn’t. Not because of your face. The wound had me gagging. What happened?” Spidey asks. Wade watches him for a moment before he drops his gaze again. Spidey turns back to the food.

“Mutant. I think. I’ve never seen her before. She was helping out a drug deal. She had claws. And teeth. Kinda nasty like Daken, you ever met him? He’s kind of a dick. But like in that way that maybe you’d date him if you have no self-respect.” Wade rambles a little, he’s trying to forget about the fact that Spidey had to see his face, that couldn’t have been easy.

“She shot you.” Spidey mumbles. Suddenly, the food was in the middle of the table in front of Wade. Tacos. That was nice. “You do like Mexican, right?”

“Yeah. Thanks.” Wade doesn’t move. Spidey doesn’t either. There’s silence for a while. Wade watches the steam come off the meat and Spidey sits stock still like a statue.

“You… I’m sorry Deadpool.”

“What for?”

“I… I’m… that you’re…”

“Are you apologising for the cancer? That’s silly Spidey.” Wade manages to get his voice to stop sounding so weak. Spidey sighs.

“You don’t look that bad. It was a shock… but I wouldn’t say you’re repulsive Deadpool.” Spidey shrugs and looks like he goes to reach for a taco shell, only to stop himself. Wade shifts forward in his chair.

“Wade.” He mumbles as he pulls up the bottom of his mask. Spidey doesn’t react as Wade starts putting together his own taco.

“Wade,” Spidey repeats. It’s nice hearing his name in Spidey’s voice. He offers the younger man a soft smile.

“After what you did… y’know most people wouldn’t have cared?”

“I know.” Spidey mumbles. “You didn’t have to-”

“It’s not really a secret. I don’t care. I don’t expect you to tell me yours. Though you probably have a name as pretty as you.” Wade jokes. Spidey chuckles with a soft shake of his head. He reaches out and starts to build his own taco.

Wade tries not to stare obviously at Spidey’s mouth when he pulls his own mask up over his nose and takes a bite. His face was smooth, a little pale, but beautiful. Wade shakes his head at himself. They eat in silence for a few minutes. Spidey only has one taco. He doesn’t pull his mask back down. Wade eats almost all the food there is on offer. Growing back organs really did build up an appetite.

Once the food is gone and there’s nothing to distract him, Wade starts to fidget. He still couldn’t really believe that Spidey was here and that they’d just eaten together. It was the most normal thing to have happened in his life in a long,  _ long _ time. Suddenly, Spidey leans forward against the table and rests his hands on the table between them. Wade swallows thickly and tries to squash down the instinct to run away. Spidey lifts his hand cautiously and Wade has to fight the want to flinch away from the touch when his fingertips gingerly touch his jaw.

“You don’t have to… but I uh…” Spidey drops his gaze, his hand falling away too as he lets out a soft sigh. “Never mind.”

“You… you want me to take it off?” Wade asks a little cautiously. Spidey lifts his head again, so fast that Wade’s surprised no ‘whooshing’ or snapping noise accompanies the movement. It does in his head. He knows it’s only in his head.

“I-if you’re okay with it. I just…” Spidey trails off, biting his bottom lip. It lasts a split second like he’d forgot his mouth was visible to the merc, like he hadn’t wanted Wade to see that. Wade stares at him for a moment before he lifts his hand slightly, only to stop himself before he reaches his mask.

“Are you sure?” he asks. He really hopes Spidey isn’t going to laugh at him or say something horrible. Spidey might be a nice guy, but that doesn’t mean he’s  _ always _ nice. Spidey nods his head quickly. Wade sucks in a shaky breath and lifts his hand again. He closes his eyes as he pulls his mask off, dropping it to the table to wait it out. For a few moments, there’s nothing, Wade can’t hear anything over the pounding of his own heart.

Suddenly, Spidey’s palm is against his cheek. Wade flinches at the sudden touch, his eyes flying open to meet the blank stare of Spidey’s mask. Spidey’s hand retracts enough to stop the contact, but he doesn’t pull away. He lets out a heavy and shaky breath, something that stutters slightly as he regains himself.

“Sorry, i-is this okay?” he asks in a low voice. Wade swallows, blinking slowly before he gives a small nod. Spidey’s palm meets his cheek again before his other arm lifts too and he just sort of holds Wade’s face between his hands. Wade doesn’t breathe. He doesn’t have anything to say. He might die again.

“Your eyes,” Spidey mumbles after a long pause of silence passes between them. “They’re white.”

“Yeah… happened the first time I died.” Wade mumbles. Spidey just holds his face and stares a little longer before he carefully drops his hands away from Wade’s face.

“…what colour were they?”

“I don’t remember. During Weapon X I lost a lot. I almost lost myself completely. I know I had two colours… I remember because when I died, the right wouldn’t go white. They gouged it out. I have no idea what they would have done if it didn’t grow back white. But it did, so I’ll never know. But hey, I never have to worry about my heartmate, right? I bet their eye is white anyway. And who would want this amirite?” Wade tries to laugh it off, but Spidey isn’t smiling or laughing back. He just looks… sad. Wade swallows thickly and tries for a convincing smile. “It’s okay Spidey, I wouldn’t be who I am without having gone through all of that. And that would be terrible.”

Spidey’s silent for far too long, long enough that it makes Wade fidget again from how uncomfortable he was. It was hard to laugh things off with Spidey. He sort of hated that. A lot.

“I’m sorry Wade. You… you’ve lost so much.” Spidey mumbles, dropping his gaze as he fiddles with his own thumbs. Wade shrugs and reaches over to poke Spidey’s hand lightly.

“Haven’t lost you, even though you’ve seen my mug. That’s gotta be good, right?” Wade winks and Spidey lifts his gaze again.

“You… you’re not that bad to look at.” He admits. Wade chuckles, even though his chest feels like it tightens far too much.

“Aw Spidey, you don’t have to lie to make me feel good.” He jokes.

“Good, because I’m not.” Spidey states, voice as serious as it could be.

Wade’s smile falls, face going blank as he just stares in slight shock. Because he knew Spidey was telling the truth, was being completely honest. He manages an uncomfortable laugh as he drops his head forward slightly, pulling his gaze away from Spidey as he rubs the back of his neck.

“You really know how to flatter a guy Spidey. Make my broken brain break some more.” Wade laughs nervously. Spidey’s hand cups his cheek again and pulls his head up so that he’s forced to look back into Spidey’s masked face.

“Wade…”

“I’m sorry. I’m just not used to… all this.” Wade makes a vague hand gesture between the two of them and toward Spidey’s hand that’s still against his cheek.

“I know. You deserve better.” Spidey’s smile softens and Wade’s regrown heart beats unevenly in his chest.

“Are you gonna kiss me yet? Because you’re definitely leading a guy on, baby boy.” Wade smirks.

“Maybe.” Spidey hums and Wade’s mind crashes again. Spidey’s soft laugh makes him feel like maybe he really is going to die again. He doesn’t. Somehow.

\- - -

Despite Wade insisting that he’ll be okay, Peter stays for about an hour after they’ve finished eating. Wade tries to convince him that he should go out, that the city needs Spider-Man. Peter responds by telling Wade that clearly, he needs him too. Wade doesn’t argue the point, probably because he’s too stumped to respond. Peter feels a little bad about not having his own feelings sorted out fully, resulting in Wade being confused and uncertain about what’s going on. He tries not to think about it too much.

It’s fairly late at this point, almost reaching the time that Peter would consider it early morning. He has work tomorrow, so he knew he wouldn’t have been staying out too late on patrol anyway. Part of him almost doesn’t want to leave, but he knows he can’t stay and so he stomps that feeling down into the floor before he does something stupid.

Wade had kept his mask off the whole time. Peter couldn’t help but stare. Not because of the scars. Part of it was because of Wade’s eyes. He tries to imagine what they would have looked like before Wade died. He tries to think about the colour. He thinks about a long-lost striking blue, imagines it, smiles with the thought before throwing it away. He wasn’t going to start thinking about that, not now, not ever. Part of it was because Wade, underneath the scars, really wasn’t bad looking.

It’s far too late and he can feel himself getting tired and given Wade’s lack of rambling in the past half hour, he suspects Wade’s tired too. He can imagine that growing back organs is exhausting work.

“I should… probably get going.” He mumbles after a moment of silence passes between them, their previous conversation having ended.

“Yeah, sure. Don’t wanna stay up too late now, do you?” Wade mumbles though he sounds a little nervous about the idea of Peter leaving. Peter chews his bottom lip and tells himself to get up. It takes a bit, but he manages to get his body to follow that train of thought as he pushes himself off the couch.

“Are you gonna be okay?” he asks. Physically, he could tell that Wade was fully healed, had been before he woke up, Peter was sure of it.

“Spidey babe, it’s me! I’m never okay! Insanity does that to you.” Wade chirps, a light tone to his voice as he offers Peter a wide grin.

“I meant… never mind.” Peter sighs, rubbing at the back of his neck. Wade really was a piece of work.

“It’s so sweet that you care and worry about little old me so much. I’ll be fine. Thanks again for helping me.” Wade gets himself to his feet and opens his arms in an offering for a hug. Usually, he’d just give Peter a hug without even questioning it. Peter’s smile softens and he lets the merc wrap his arms around him. He’s never really thought about how  _ big _ Wade was.

“You’d do the same for me,” Peter mumbles softly, his head turned against Wade’s chest. He feels it rumble with Wade’s sound of agreement.

“Of course, baby boy.” Wade’s voice is softer now and it makes Peter feel unsettled again. “So… does this make us best friends now?” Wade cautiously asks when he pulls away. Weirdly, it’s too soon for Peter’s liking.

“Something like that.” Peter offers with another soft smile, hoping it’ll ease Wade.

“This opens up so many new possibilities, like sleepovers! You should sleepover!” Wade suddenly states, raising his arms over his head like it was the greatest idea he’s had. Peter holds back a fond chuckle. Huh,  _ fond _ . That was new.

“Maybe another time.” Peter mumbles. 

He stares at Wade for a moment as the merc just watches him. He swallows the lump that had been growing in his throat and pushes himself up onto his toes and presses a light kiss to Wade’s cheek before he can tell himself it’s a bad idea. The moment he’s pulling back, he’s pulling his mask down over his face to hide the fact that heat blooms across his cheeks and turns away. 

“I’ll see you soon, Wade.”

With that, he makes his exit, climbing out Wade’s window and swinging off into the night before Wade can even react. 

Wade stays frozen in his living room for at least five minutes, having a mental breakdown.


	9. Chapter 9

“I kissed him,” Peter mumbles as he stares up at the ceiling. There’s rustling going on behind him, he’s been ignoring it for the past few minutes.

“What’d you say?” MJ asks as she continues to sort through the box she had in front of her. 

She was going to be moving in with Harry. Peter had been helping pack, but she’d stopped him a good while ago and was just sorting out that one box, still. Peter wasn’t sure what was in it. She’d said she wanted to get it done before Harry showed up. He should be here soon.

“I kissed him,” Peter mumbles again after a moment of silence passes in which MJ stops her rustling to hear him.

“What? Who?” Suddenly, her red curls are in his face before she’s leaning over him and pulling him up from the couch, so he’s forced to sit up and look at her properly. Her eyes search his face. “You kissed someone?” She clarifies. Peter swallows and nods slowly, more looking right through her than actually at her.

“Yeah,” Peter mumbles again and MJ turns him with her as she takes a seat next to him, grin wide.

“ _ Who _ ?” She stresses and Peter shrugs.

“You don’t know him. It wasn’t serious… just the cheek.” Peter still isn’t really looking at her. 

For the past week, all he’s been thinking about is Deadpool,  _ Wade. _ His name is Wade, and he consumes Peter’s thoughts completely. He doesn’t have a justifiable reason as to why he kissed him. At first, he thought it was the Matt situation all over again, only in reverse. He’d helped Wade, and Wade had opened up a little and Peter could not think straight for the life of him. He kissed Wade because it felt like the right thing to do at the time.

“You’re making it sound serious.” MJ’s voice cuts his thoughts off and he snaps out of his daze. He manages to meet her gaze, his chest feeling a little tight with the realization that his excuse for kissing Wade was because he’d  _ wanted _ to.

“I’ve never… we’re not like that. We’re barely friends.” Peter mumbles, feeling a little distressed.

“But obviously you like him in some way, otherwise you wouldn’t have kissed him.”

“Friends can kiss.” Peter throws in. MJ sighs and tucks her hair back behind her ear.

“That’s true, but you’re freaking out over this. Which means that you’re not seeing this as a friend situation.” She states. And she’s right, but  _ no _ . 

He can’t, not with Deadpool. Deadpool… Deadpool is a no-go-zone unless he wants to be stuck in a world of blood and guts and witty banter, amazing humour, good taste in pop culture, a guy who’s nicer than he seems- oh God. It’s happening again. Peter suddenly pushes himself from the couch, standing up so suddenly that MJ jumps a little. He starts pacing in front of her, chewing on his short nails.

“You don’t get it. I  _ don’t _ like him I just… he was… he’s kind of hot I guess but he’s not… I’m not… I’m  _ done _ . I said I was finished with dating, with trying for relationships. And I am.”

“Peter, what if this is the chance you’ve been looking for, the  _ person _ you’ve been looking for? What if he’s different?” MJ says and Peter shakes his head.

“No, I… no. I can’t date him.” Peter says, tugging on his hair a little.

“Why not?”

“Because he’s… God, it’s so hard to explain.” Peter sighs and drops himself back down onto the couch, slumping horribly. 

Stupid Deadpool. He just got over all of this and he had to come crashing back into Peter’s life and screw all of that up. All that talk with Daredevil means nothing in the face of Deadpool.

“Maybe I should meet him, you know I have a good judge of character.” MJ shrugs like it would be nothing. The thought of her meeting Wade makes Peter want to scream.

“No, nu-uh that is  _ not _ happening.”

“Peter, for God’s sake, this is ridiculous.” MJ sighs and Peter lets out a forced laugh, covering his face with his hands.

“You have no idea.” He complains with a small whine to his voice. 

He should have kept his mouth shut. There’s the sound of the front door opening and Peter groans. Now Harry was going to find out and he was gonna have something to say on this too.

“Hey.” He greets with that charming smile that could make anyone feel calm around him. He notices Peter’s state of despair and raises his eyebrow. “What happened?”

“Peter’s having boy problems.” MJ states and Peter groans again.

“Can you not say it like that?” He glares at her. She crosses her arms over her chest and gives him a flat look.

“What would you call it, then?” She’s unimpressed with him. He can’t blame her, he knows this is childish. He sighs and rubs at his temples.

“Nothing, it’s nothing. I never should have said anything because nothing is going to come out of this. It’s stupid, pointless and useless.”

“Can I be filled in?” Harry cuts in before Peter can continue with his pitiful ranting.

“He kissed someone.” MJ shrugs and Peter wishes she’d stop doing that. 

This was serious. He couldn’t  _ like _ Deadpool. There shouldn’t be anything to like. So what, they had the same sense of humour, that shouldn’t matter. He shares the same sense of humour with Harry and he’s not going around kissing him.

“Who?” Harry asks, sounding more interested than Peter would have thought he would.

“You don’t know him, and it doesn’t matter. It was just on the cheek and I shouldn’t have done it.” Peter grumbles. He has to push himself up into another sitting position before he cripples his spine, but he really wishes the couch could just swallow him whole right now.

“But you did, which means you wanted to. So, it does matter, it is serious, and you’ve got feelings for whoever this guy is.” Harry states. Peter hates that Harry knows him so damn well.  _ Because it’s all true _ .

“I  _ don’t _ .” Peter insists, trying not to grit his teeth and seethe at his friends.

“What’s his name?” MJ asks with a small tilt of her head.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Say that again and I might punch you. Who is he, Peter?” Harry demands. Peter closes his eyes and tries to take an easy breath.

“A guy from work, okay?” Peter doesn’t look back to them. There’s silence for a moment.

“Why’re you scared of liking this guy?” 

Peter swallows thickly.“Because… what if he’s just like the rest of them?”

“What if he isn’t?” MJ butts in.. 

Peter slowly looks back to her, his gut twisted up in so many knots he feels like he might be sick, or he might cry.

“That scares me even more.”

\- - -

Peter doesn’t take his normal routes on patrol. He’s scared to see Wade again.

He knew that MJ and Harry were right, that even though it sucks to get hurt, the only way he can know for sure if anything could come out of this is to try. But they don’t know the truth. Peter isn’t scared that Wade lied to him. He believed every word Wade said about Weapon-X, about losing his eye, about losing his mind, not knowing if his heartmate was still out there. Despite how low Wade’s chances might seem in finding someone to date, Peter was attracted to him and there was no way he could be the only one. 

Who’s to say that the world won’t get one more laugh out of Peter by having Wade find his heartmate if Peter decides to go for this? Peter knew he was paranoid. And despite Wade’s tendency to flirt, who’s to say Wade would even want to date him? He doesn’t want the world to tear him apart again. This was why he’d given up on the dating game, the exact reason that he’d made a point to stop thinking about  _ his  _ heartmate.

He takes alternate routes in hopes of being able to avoid Deadpool. Life has a way of punishing him. Deadpool shows up.

“Heyyy, Spidey!” Deadpool calls out and Peter jumps, almost literally. 

His impulse makes him almost leap from the building he’s on and get the hell out of there. He doesn’t. Deadpool wasn’t usually able to sneak up on him. His Spidey sense usually kicks him in the ass to let him know the merc was around.

“Hey, Deadpool,” Peter mumbles, trying not to sigh too loudly. 

He keeps his gaze on the streets below, hoping to see something happen so he has an excuse to get out of there. He catches up with his own thoughts and realises what that means. That… that’s just mean to Wade. He hasn’t done anything wrong. Peter can’t just start being an asshole to Wade because he can’t sort his own shit out.

“Aw, I thought we were on a first name basis, baby boy,” Deadpool complains. 

They weren’t. Peter knew his name, Wade didn’t know Peter’s. It was harder to humanise Wade if he called him Deadpool. 

He shrugs. “Habit, sorry.” 

Peter lifts his gaze and takes a moment to just breathe and relax. He turns around and looks up at Deadpool. He’s not standing as close as Peter might have expected him to be.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Deadpool mumbles and Peter’s taken back by the statement a little. He splutters over his words, trying to conjure up some lie. Deadpool holds up his hand and lets out a chuckle. It’s fake. It hurts to hear it. “I don’t blame you.”

Peter’s heart sinks. Deadpool turns around and lets out another small laugh, it sounds even worse than the first one had. 

“I’m gone. Sorry, Spidey.”

“Wade... wait,  _ please _ .” 

Peter rushes forward and manages to catch Wade’s wrist in his hand. Wade freezes, Peter sees him tense up and it makes him feel like the asshole he knows he is. Wade is broken, and he knows that. He just needs someone to care. Peter does, he told Wade he does. Then he turns around and does the one thing someone who cares wouldn’t. 

Peter swallows the lump in his throat. “I…  _ yes _ I was avoiding you, and I’m so sorry. This… you did nothing wrong.”

“I told you before, you don’t have to lie to me Spidey.”

“I’m not lying. Wade… I-”

“Why’d you do it?” Wade cuts Peter off and his tone is so flat, almost angry and it makes Peter drop his grip on Wade’s wrist. His spine tingles with that feeling of danger and he wants to back away, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t say anything either. Wade turns around to face Peter. “Why’d you kiss me?”

Peter knows he should just tell Wade the truth. “I don’t know.”

“Was it pity? Was it a fucking joke? Did it make you feel good about yourself, Spider-Man?” Wade growls and Peter recoils. 

He’s heard Wade angry before but never directed at him. He’s never called him Spider-Man. It makes Peter’s skin crawl with unease.

“No- Wade, I’m sorry.” Peter tries.

“You just left. It’s been weeks. You avoided me. I bet you were laughing, weren’t you? ‘Poor Wade, he’s so stupid. He gets attached to the first person who shows they might care about him’. You’re just like the rest of your Avenger friends.” Wade  _ snarls _ and Peter would have thought he’d have a gun pressed to his head by now.

“That’s not what happened-” Peter defends.

“Don’t lie!”

“I’m not!” Peter snaps. 

Wade goes to move and Peter reacts on instinct, not really knowing what Wade was going to do. He grabs hold of Wade’s arms and holds them firmly against Wade’s sides so that he can’t move them. Wade doesn’t fight against his grip, so Peter lets out a shaky breath and drops his head forward. 

“I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m sorry. It was… it was cruel.”

Wade’s shoulders drop. He shakes his arms out of Peter’s grip. Peter lets him.

“You’re not sorry,” Wade says quietly and Peter shakes his head more.

“I am, Wade-”

“Don’t… don’t call me that.” 

Wade turns away. Peter’s chest tightens, tears forming in his eyes. He sees the way that Wade curls in on himself, the way he seems to shrink.

“I’m so sorry,” Peter whispers. Suddenly Wade laughs, causing Peter’s whole body to go rigid with nerves. He sounded so cruel, so… broken.

Wade turns to look at him again, his gaze clearly travelling up the whole length of Peter’s body before he lets out a sickening laugh again. He turns and moves off, Peter stands stock still, unable to say anything else. Wade jumps from the building and Peter tries to move himself to go check on the merc because that’s not a fall for the average person. Except Peter stays where he is, and his shoulders shake as he silently sobs to himself.


	10. Chapter 10

Wade had never felt this shitty in his life. Not when he found out he was dying. Not when his father would beat him. Not when he knew he’d never find his heartmate. Not even when he failed to kill himself despite how desperately he’d  _ tried _ . His body was in constant pain, that came with the cancer. He couldn’t even feel it. He was numb.

He sat in his apartment, in his bathroom, on the floor with a shattered mirror in front of him. He stared at the bloody shards, showing his miserable reflection to himself. The Deadpool mask pulled up to his nose, showing off the marred skin around his mouth. He stared at the lifeless white lenses of his mask. The white stare that matches his real eyes. He stared, and he scoffed, laughed at himself and his misery and his pain as he  _ cried _ . When was the last time he’d allowed himself to cry? He laughed everything off, it was  _ easier _ that way. He couldn’t stop laughing, he couldn’t stop crying.

[You’re wasting your time.]

{We have all the time, we can waste as much as we’d like.}

Wade tipped his head back, shaking it slowly as he laughed more. Of course, the boxes had something to say about this.

“Time is a concept.”

[So is love.]

{Love is a feeling, big difference.}

[Whatever it is, it’s stupid. Did you really think for one second, he’d ever think of you more than the filth you are?]

{You’re that filth too}

[Shut up. He’s Spider-Man. You’re the scum of the Earth. Whether it was pity or not, it was probably the biggest mistake of his life.]

{I bet he threw up outside our apartment.}

“He said he cared.” Wade snorts as he turns his pistol between his hands, watching the light from the bathroom reflect off the metal.

[How many other people have said that? You’re worthless.]

“I know.” Wade laughs again, lifting the gun to scratch his chin with the barrel.

[You’re useless, you’re pathetic.]

There’s a pause, the room is almost silent. It makes Wade’s mind scream even more.

[Unlovable.]

“Shut up.” The laughter isn’t there anymore. There’s just the tears streaming down his face, making his eyes burn and his chest heave with every breath. The laughter stopped, but he can’t get the crying to. Suddenly, everything is hurting again. His skin, his muscles, his head, his  _ heart _ .

[Spider-Man hates you.]

Wade grits his teeth, something that might pass off as a final laugh escaping his throat. He presses the barrel to his temple and blows out his brains.

\- - -

Part of Peter tells him he should go to Wade, that he needs to talk this out properly with the merc. Most of him is telling him he should give up. He let his own feelings get in the way, and he hurt Wade. He fucked up, he knows that, but he’s too much of a coward to fix it. He knows Wade is unstable, that he’s going to go off and do something stupid now. 

Peter can’t find it in himself to care enough. 

That’s something that sucks to realise. Because Wade deserves better, he knows that. He didn’t regret kissing Wade because it’s Wade; he regrets it because he’s himself. Because Peter Parker is a self-loathing loser who can’t get over his own problems so that he can help others. He almost heads to Wade’s safehouse, but he doubts he’d find Wade there. So he heads home.

He sits on the floor in his bedroom, mask in his hands as he stares back at it. Spider-Man… Wade had never called him that, it was always Spidey. Minus when they first met. Maybe it was the second time Wade had actually called him that. It bothers him. Peter closes his eyes. The pain in Wade’s voice, the fact that he was trying to laugh it all off, it had hurt hearing it. And Peter had done nothing. Because Wade was Deadpool and Peter was dumb. Because his own ego couldn’t allow him to accept the fact that maybe he was very attracted to Wade, that maybe he’d grown feelings for the merc. It was fucked up. 

Peter balls his hands into tight fists before he throws his mask across the room. He holds his head in his hands and fights back more tears. He doesn’t deserve to feel upset. He’s the asshole here. 

It wasn’t a joke, it wasn’t pity, and he hadn’t had it in him to just say that to Wade. He hadn’t been honest. But being honest meant admitting that he did have feelings for Wade and that was something he couldn’t do. Because Wade was dangerous, Wade was broken and he knew Wade had feelings for him. Had… Peter doubts Wade will be feeling the same way now. But he did care, he didn’t want anything bad to happen to the merc. But he’d made his bed, now he had to lay in it.

Peter thinks about Wade all night until it’s the early hours of the morning and he passes out from exhaustion. He dreams about Wade, and he hates that more than anything.

\- - -

“What would you do if you… if you liked someone you knew you shouldn’t?” Peter mumbles the question lowly as he stares out over the city lights. 

He’s curled up on himself, chin rested on his knees as he mopes in his misery. He’d finally managed to claw his way to the top of the pit of depression but just as he was pulling himself out, the sides crumbled and he fell in deeper than he had been before. He felt like shit.

“What reason is there not to like them?” Daredevil asks. 

Peter felt a little bad for coming back to him with his tail between his legs like a kicked dog. Daredevil had tried to assure him that it was okay. Peter couldn’t help but think he was just being kind. Kind, like Peter wasn’t to Wade. He closes his eyes.

“They’re… you just shouldn’t. There are too many signs saying it’s a bad idea.” Peter says.

Daredevil sighs softly and lets himself think about it for a moment. The silence makes Peter think about it more, makes him dwell on it. It’s been a week since he last saw Wade. He wants to see him, he misses him. He knows he shouldn’t.

“Is it a social thing, or are they a danger to you personally?”  

Peter hates that he has so many questions; he just wants a simple answer. Really, he just wants him to say ‘you shouldn’t’ so that he can feel better about himself. He doesn’t want to like Wade.

The problem with Wade- with Deadpool - is that Peter can’t be certain about anything with him. Maybe he’s dangerous, maybe he isn’t. He’s never tried to hurt Peter, but Peter’s not too sure what he’s like when his mind is really unstable. Wade has never let himself be around Peter when he’s been bad. Peter thinks that would point toward Wade being a danger to him. But even after their fight, even when Wade looked like he wanted to threaten Peter, he hadn’t.

He shrugs. “I don’t know. They could be. I’m not sure.”

“Unless they’re a danger to you, I don’t see why you can’t like someone.” Daredevil offers. Peter sucks on his bottom lip. “Can I ask who it is?”

“You won’t get an answer.”

“So you’re embarrassed by it.” Daredevil sounds sure of himself.

“I’m not embarrassed! I’m just… I shouldn’t feel this way.” Peter mutters lowly as he hugs his knees tighter against his chest.

“Despite his nature in that suit, he’s not a terrible person. It sounds wrong admitting that…” Daredevil sighs. 

Peter’s head snaps up and he stares wide-eyed at the other. His mouth falls open but no words come out. He makes a pathetic noise as he fumbles over himself. 

Daredevil chuckles. “You’re easy to predict. No offence. Besides… I saw Deadpool only a few days ago and going by the state he was in… I could only assume something had happened between you two.”

“He… was he okay?” Peter asks, cringing slightly. Daredevil sighs again and tips his head back like he was looking up at the sky.

“No.”

“I didn’t want to hurt him.” Peter mumbles.

“But you did. Because you don’t think you should have feelings for him.” Daredevil’s tone sounded like it was accusing Peter. He had every right to accuse him, yet still, Peter felt the need to defend himself.

“That doesn’t mean I wanted to hurt him.”

“If you hurt him, he stops trying to seek you out. Then you don’t have to worry about your feelings. You can ignore them and try to make them obsolete. So you pushed him away.” 

Daredevil looks back at Peter and he’s sure that under that mask, he’s frowning hard at him. Peter knows he’s in the wrong, he knows that Daredevil is one hundred percent right. He hadn’t wanted to hurt Wade, but given the opportunity to fix things, he didn’t take it. Because forgetting his feelings was easier.

“He deserves better. Wade… he’s a good person.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” Daredevil mumbles and Peter shakes his head, feeling tears well up in his eyes again.

“Wade’s a sweet guy. It’s not his fault he’s… he’s insane, they destroyed him… he wants to be better.” 

Peter swallows thickly and turns his head away. Even though Daredevil can’t see him. He tries not to cry because crying in his mask is annoying. But he can’t help thinking about how fucked up the situation is.

“Why don’t you want to like him?” Daredevil asks after a moment. Peter shrugs and snuffles. He really didn’t want to snot in his mask either.

“He’s Deadpool.”

“So? You don’t like him because he’s Deadpool.” Daredevil states. 

Peter pauses. He hadn’t thought about it like that. Just like Spider-Man was just a suit, a mask for him to wear, Deadpool was a mask for Wade. As soon as that mask came off, he was completely different. Peter lets out a broken laugh, pressing his hands to his face as he shakes his head. Daredevil’s hand comes to rest on his shoulder.

“I’m a fucking idiot.” Peter half sobs, half laughs into his hands.

“Maybe.” Daredevil agrees. 

Peter lifts his head so that he can pull up the bottom of his mask and wipe his hand against his nose to try and stop himself from getting snot everywhere. God, he was such an ugly crier.

“I have to fix this,” Peter whispers.

“That sounds like a good idea.”

Peter turns his head to look back at Daredevil. A weak, wobbly smile finds its way to his face as he swallows thickly once more. “Thank you, again.”

“Listen… if talking to me helps, I’m happy to do it. I understand it’s hard, I get it. All this heartmate and Deadpool stuff can’t be easy.” He offers Peter his own soft smile. Peter licks his lips and drops his gaze again.

“I kissed him. But I was so caught up in my own head to think about what that meant for him. I told him I shouldn’t have because at the time… I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wanted to, God… I wanted to really kiss him.”

“Maybe you should tell him that.” Daredevil states. 

Peter gives a small nod.

“Yeah, I should.”

\- - -

Peter doesn’t expect to find Wade at his safehouse, but he goes there anyway. When he climbs in the window, he instantly gags at the smell of the place. He’s not really sure what he’s smelling at first, only that it’s  _ disgusting _ . He tries to turn on a light switch, but nothing happens. He slowly moves into the kitchen and, despite his better judgement, opens the fridge. He nearly throws up in his mask. The power’s been off probably most of the week, judging by the state of what little food is left in there. The smell is horrid. Peter slams the door shut and tries to suck in a clean breath of air, but the whole apartment is filled with disgusting odours.

“Wade?” Peter calls out like maybe Wade would actually be around. Of course, there’s no response. Peter still continues to check the rest of the apartment.

The bedroom is almost completely empty besides the bed and cupboard in there. The bedsheets are a mess, most of them on the floor as well as one of the pillows. The cupboard doors are open, showing them to be empty. There’s broken glass and rubbish on the floor, empty bullet shells littered around the carpet too. Peter swallows thickly at the sight of them.

When he checks the bathroom, he’s not sure if he wants to cry or throw up more. The floor is coated in blood, a thick goopy puddle that’s clearly been sat there for far too long. The mirror is shattered. Peter wonders if the blood is Wade’s. He tells himself it isn’t because it makes him feel better. He knows it is. He swallows the lump of bile crawling up his throat and looks back to the mess. There’s a bullet shell in the puddle. Definitely Wade’s then. Peter closes his eyes and rests his head against the doorframe.

“Wade… I’m so sorry.”


	11. Chapter 11

Despite his better judgement, Peter guesses Wade will have to return at some point. He visits twice a week. It takes him five days to get the place cleaned up. The rotten food goes first, then the blood. Peter finds more blood stained into the bedroom floor and on the bed itself. He throws the mattress out, even though he doesn’t think he should. The power doesn’t come back on, he tests it every time. 

Once he’s got the place properly cleaned up, he never really knows what to do with himself when he shows up. He tries to stick around for about fifteen minutes, long enough for him to figure out if Wade has been by and long enough that he hopefully won’t miss the merc if he shows. Peter isn’t hopeful that Wade will return, but he doesn’t want to give up so easily. His patrol mainly consists of looking for Deadpool, rather than doing the things Spider-Man should be doing, like stopping crime.

Almost two months into his new routine, Peter starts to think it’s a lost cause, that he’s never going to see the merc again. Two months in, and he gets hit pretty bad in a fight. He’s not sure if he gets a broken rib as a result of the injury, but he knows that it hurts enough to make his vision white out for a moment after the initial blow. He manages to get himself together and pulls through the rest of the fight. 

As soon as the cops are showing up, he’s leaving the scene. Wade’s safehouse is between him and his own apartment. He decides it won’t hurt if he crashes there for a few hours while his little humble accelerated healing sorts out the most of the pain before he makes the trek home so he can properly fix himself up. There are still medical supplies at Wade’s safehouse that he doesn’t feel bad about using.

He tries the lights again. They’re still off. He patches himself up a little with what supplies he has access too. He’s still not sure if he’s broken anything. It doesn’t hurt quite enough for him to be seriously concerned, but he knows that a visit to a doctor might be a smart idea. He collapses on the couch that still smells pretty awful from whatever crap Wade had spilled all over it. The smell is kind of normal to Peter by this point. He closes his eyes just to rest, without intending to fall asleep.

His Spidey sense wakes him up, God knows how many minutes or hours later. He jolts awake, taking a moment to remember where he is before his Spidey sense goes off again. His instincts are telling him to sit up and be alert, but he’s also aware that sudden movement might tip off the intruder. He sucks in a shaky breath and holds it to listen. 

Suddenly the light flickers on and Peter flinches, trying and failing to hold back a groan of pain from how bright it is. The sound of a gun cocking catches his attention, his Spidey sense and instincts kicking in instantly. He jumps up from the couch, turning instantly to face the intruder, ready to attack or dodge an attack. He should have known. His shoulders drop. The gun is still pointed at him. He holds his hands up in surrender.

“Wade…” His name falls from Peter’s lips on a breath. Peter’s chest feels tight. Maybe that’s the bruised ribs though, he’s not sure.

“…Spidey.” Deadpool slowly lowers his gun.

“I’m-” Peter tries to get out an apology, but Wade starts moving toward him and his Spidey sense kicks in again, cutting him short. He manages not to retreat out of fear.

“What’re you doing here?” Wade’s voice is flat. Lifeless. He sounds like shit. 

Peter’s eyes travel down his body. He looks like shit too. His suit is in a pretty bad condition, fresh blood covering enough of it to be concerning.

“…waiting for you,” Peter admits. 

That’s one of the reasons anyway. The other isn’t important right now. Wade seems to flinch at the confession. He pushes past Peter and heads into the kitchen. He pauses, takes a look around before opening up the fridge door.

“You cleaned the place.” 

Peter just nods, even though Wade isn’t looking at him. Wade lets out a shaky breath and moves over to the bathroom in a few, fast strides. He grips the doorframe hard, looking into the room like he’s expecting the blood to still be there. 

“Sorry, you had to see that.”

“No…  _ I’m  _ sorry, Wade. I’m so sorry. No amount of apologising can take back what happened, but I wish it could.” Peter wraps his arms around himself. He drops his gaze. Wade killed himself because Peter was an asshole.

“That’s a first.” Wade snorts. He turns back to Peter. “What do you want?”

“To fix this. Wade… I fucked up so bad. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“That’s not a first.” Wade clicks his tongue. Peter shakes his head and steps up to the merc.

“Wade, please. I… I couldn’t get myself to say it. I… I didn’t regret it. I wanted to kiss you. It wasn’t pity, it wasn’t a joke. I told myself I shouldn’t be wanting to kiss you, but I was lying. I did, I wish I’d… I wish I’d kissed you how I really wanted to. Wade I… I think I like you.” Peter manages to admit. He swallows thickly. Wade turns his head away.

“Don’t…”

“I’m not lying-” Peter tries, but Wade cuts him off again.

“I know. I know you’re not. Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t… you don’t want to get close to me Spidey, you don’t.” Wade shakes his head slowly. 

Peter stares up at Wade for a moment before he manages to reach up and lightly cup Wade’s face in his hands. Wade flinches at the touch, but he doesn’t pull away and allows Peter to turn his head to face him again.

“I do. Wade… I’m not afraid. Not of you. I’m afraid of my own stupid feelings.” Peter chuckles lightly. “But I like you, and I never wanted to hurt you.”

Wade doesn’t react for a long time. Peter stares up at him, unsure of what to do with himself now. When Wade still doesn’t have anything to say and doesn’t move, Peter slides his hands down to Wade’s neck and goes to work his mask out from under the collar of his suit. Wade’s instantly grabbing hold of Peter’s wrists and shaking his head.

“Don’t-”

“Please… Wade I…” 

Peter sighs and drops his hands away from Wade’s mask. Wade lets go of his hands. Peter sucks in a small breath. He reaches back and takes hold of the seam for his own mask. He pulls it off over his head before he can tell himself not to. Wade makes a strangled noise and turns his head away instantly, holding his hand up in front of his face like it’s a shield.

“What are you  _ doing _ ?” Wade asks, sounding strangled and confused. 

Peter drops his mask to the side, not really caring if it makes it to the couch or not.

“Look at me,” he urges as he reaches for Wade’s face again. 

Wade fights it for a moment before he allows Peter to turn his head back to face him. This time, he doesn’t stop him from removing his mask. Peter smiles softly when he meets Wade’s eyes. Wade swallows thickly. He stares. Peter stares back. Wade’s hand lightly comes up to touch Peter’s cheek. Peter’s smile warps a little and he turns his head into Wade’s hand so that Wade’s palm rests against his cheek properly.

“…You’re beautiful, Spidey.” Wade whispers. Peter chews his bottom lip as a blush creeps over his cheeks. Peter’s mouth falls open, but before he can even make a noise, Wade’s palm is closing over his mouth. “Don’t- Don’t tell me your name.”

“What? Why-” Peter mumbles against Wade’s palm.

“Just don’t.  _ Please _ .” Wade’s voice shakes a little and he drops his gaze. “People that get close to me… they always get hurt. Don’t tell me your name, Spidey.”

Peter sighs and pulls Wade’s hand away from his mouth. “People get hurt when they’re close to me too.”

Wade swallows and shakes his head again. Peter sighs, but nods. They’re silent for a long time. Wade doesn’t stop staring. Peter doesn’t mind. His face ends up framed between both of Wade’s hands and the merc steps closer to him as he looks down at Peter.

“Your eye…” Wade mumbles lowly. Peter smiles sadly.

“Yeah…” Peter drops his gaze.

“That night we beat up baddies together… the depression, that’s what it was?” Wade asks. Peter gives a small nod. “I’m sorry.”

“No… don’t be. It happens. You… you helped. I’ve never really thanked you properly.” Peter lifts his hand to cover Wade’s.

“You sort of did.” Wade shrugs. No, Peter had helped Wade when he’d found him dead on the streets. That was different. Peter doesn’t want to point it out.

“Right before I messed everything up,” Peter mutters as he sucks his bottom lip into his mouth.

“It happens.” Wade shrugs. Peter scoffs. He pulls one of Wade’s hands away from his face and, a little cautiously, links their fingers together. Wade swallows thickly and gives Peter’s hand a squeeze.

“I’m really sorry, Wade. I’m sorry I avoided you, I’m sorry I… sorry I did what I did. I should have just… been honest.”

“I don’t blame you.” Wade shrugs again. 

Peter fights off the negative thoughts in his head as he closes the space between them, pushing himself up onto his toes to close the height difference between them enough for him to tilt his head up and press a chaste kiss to the corner of Wade’s mouth. Wade’s body tenses, Peter can feel the shift, so he stares up into Wade’s eyes.

“I’m not embarrassed, Wade. I was scared by the idea of liking you, because… I didn’t know how to handle those feelings.” Peter drops his gaze to Wade’s lips. He licks his own as he swallows again. “I wasn’t scared because it was  _ you _ .” He tilts his head again.

Wade meets him. It’s soft, despite how rough Wade’s lips are against his own. The scars don’t help, but they’re really chapped, so Peter runs his tongue over them. Wade’s hands are suddenly on his hips, gripping him so tight it almost hurts. Peter doesn’t let it deter him. He reaches up to cup the back of Wade’s neck as he breaks the kiss for a second, long enough for him to take in a shaky breath before he’s kissing Wade again. It feels like an eternity. It feels like it’s over too fast.

Peter can’t help but stare up into Wade’s eyes once he pulls back and lets himself stand back on his feet again. Wade stares right back. His hand trails up Peter’s cheek, thumb tracing lightly under his left eye.

“How could someone so beautiful be interested in me?” Wade scoffs, shaking his head lightly. Peter moves his hand from holding Wade’s neck to brush his own thumb over Wade’s bottom lip.

“Because you’re beautiful, too.” Peter states. Wade drops his gaze with a nervous chuckle. Peter leans in to rest his forehead against Wade’s cheek. “I thought you were beautiful from the moment I saw your eyes.”

Peter feels Wade’s tears hit his face. He doesn’t say anything about it.

\- - -

To say that the rest of the night is awkward is a major understatement. Part of Peter wants him to put his mask back on, he feels far too exposed and vulnerable without it on. But he wants Wade to be able to trust him, he doesn’t want Wade to put his mask back on either. Fair is fair. Peter knows that Wade’s just as uncomfortable being unmasked as Peter is himself.

“Sorry for intruding, I didn’t know where else to look for you.” Peter mumbles. He sits at the kitchen table. Wade offered to order some food for them and Peter couldn’t really say no to the suggestion. It was due to be arriving soon.

“It’s okay. I… I figured maybe you’d check here for me… that’s why I had the power cut. I thought… maybe you’d give up.” Wade mumbles lowly. 

He stands by the fridge, looking like he doesn’t really know what he should be doing with himself. Peter understands that. Part of him wishes Wade would sit down, though.

“…I was starting to think I’d never see you again.” Peter admits.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I get it.” Peter sighs, running his fingers through his hair. 

Wade watches him. He isn’t acting like his normal self and it’s making Peter feel uneasy. He wants things to go back to how they were. He wants to go back to that night he pulled Wade’s dead body from the streets and cooked him tacos. Things were okay then. They’re weird now.

“Why’d you keep coming back?” Wade asks.

“Hope, I guess.” Peter shrugs and draws small patterns on the table.

“You were sleeping on my couch,” Wade notes like he’s trying to piece some puzzle together in his mind.

Peter swallows thickly and lifts his gaze. He’s painfully aware of the throbbing in his side. He really needed to do something about that, but right now Wade’s more important.

“I kind of crashed. Got a little beat tonight.” Peter shrugs. Wade swallows audibly, maybe it’s only to Peter’s heightened scenes, but he hears the click of Wade’s throat. Peter lifts his gaze and offers Wade a soft smile. “I’m okay.”

Wade doesn’t look like he believes him, but he doesn’t say anything. There’s a small pause, Peter doesn’t know what to say and he knows Wade’s mind is all over the place. There’s so much that needs to be said. Suddenly, there’s a loud knock at the door and Peter’s shoulders tense up at the noise before he remembers that they ordered food. Wade tucks the pistol he had beside the fridge like he was expecting someone to barge in with the intent to cause harm, into the back of his pants and pulls his mask back on. 

Peter doesn’t move; he listens as Wade moves to the door. He hears the rushed, mumbled words the deliverer states, sounding scared. Peter can’t help but smile softly to himself. Wade isn’t that scary. He hears the door close and the lock click before Wade’s coming into the room and dropping a bag of food in the middle of the table.

The smell makes Peter realise just how hungry he is. He unpacks the bags, trying to remember what he ordered and what Wade got. They eat in silence. The burgers aren’t great, Peter’s had better, but he’s not going to complain about free food even though he does feel a little bad about not being able to pay. Though he supposes that he did cook for Wade last time, so did that make them even?

“This is kind of domestic.” Wade mumbles, maybe he’s talking to himself or the voices, Peter isn’t sure, but he nods in agreement. It is. He lifts his gaze. Wade’s still wearing his mask, though obviously it’s pulled up to his nose, so he can eat. Peter chews his bottom lip. Wade catches him staring. “Did you want some?”

Peter blinks, surprised when Wade holds his burger out for him. They ordered different meals, but Peter didn’t expect Wade to assume that. He shakes his head slightly and Wade clicks his tongue. 

“Stop staring at it then, Spidey.”

“I’m not,” Peter says quietly. Wade pauses before it seems to click in his mind. He licks his lips and drops his burger onto the wrapper. He reaches up and pulls his mask off. Peter meets his eyes.

“Better?” Wade asks, sounding unsure. Peter’s smile softens.

“Yeah, much better.”

“…I hate looking at myself. Why would you want to be staring at my face,  _ especially _ while you’re eating, beats me. I mean, unless you’re into seeing your food again, which I get, but that’s also kinda really nasty and I know my place was a shithole before you got to it, but I don’t really want you throwing up on the food.” Wade rambles. It’s a nervous ramble, Peter can tell by the way he starts playing with his food and his eyes stay cast down. Peter shifts forward on his chair, catching Wade’s attention.

“Wade, I don’t mind the way you look. I’m not bothered by it because-” Peter cuts himself off, swallowing thickly. He’s said so much, he’s  _ done _ so much tonight. He can admit that Wade is hot. “I’m attracted to you.”

“…Maybe you hit your head in that fight-” Wade mutters, scratching the back of his neck.

“I’m serious, Wade.” Peter sighs softly. It’s hard, he can understand Wade’s self-loathing, but that doesn’t make having to listen to it any easier.

“So am I. Head trauma isn’t a laughing matter. See? I’m not laughing.” Wade says it like he’s expecting Peter to forget about it.

“ _ Wade _ .” 

Peter hates that there’s a little bit of aggression in his voice. It’s just frustrating. Wade tenses up, his gaze downcast again. Peter sighs and leans on the table more, sliding his hand across it. He sort of expects Wade to retract his hand and is a little surprised when he doesn’t. Peter squeezes Wade’s hand lightly. 

“I know… you’re not used to this. But I need you to believe me. I am attracted to you, I  _ do _ like you. I’m being completely honest.”

Wade chews his bottom lip, his gaze still on the table. “But... why?”

“Why?” Peter repeats before he lets out a soft chuckle. “That’d be like me asking you why you like me.”

“But you’re… you’re Spider-Man, and you’re cute, you’re funny… you’re a nice guy-”

“So nice that I acted like an asshole towards you.” Peter throws in.

“You’re not the first person to, you won’t be the last.” Wade shrugs. Peter sighs and pulls his hand away from Wade’s.

“That doesn’t make it right.” Peter mumbles. 

They’re silent again. It feels like they weren’t getting anywhere. It was just a constant loop of the same things; Peter apologising, Wade not believing that Peter could find him attractive and then more silence. Peter lets out a heavy sigh. Wade swallows audibly again.

“So… what now?” Wade suddenly asks. Peter chews his bottom lip and shrugs.

“I don’t know.”

“I want to kiss you again,” Wade admits in a small voice. Peter tries to hold back the smile that tugs at his lips. He lifts his gaze again and nods slightly.

“Okay.”

They both push themselves up enough so that they lean over the small table. Their lips meet in a soft kiss, something that’s uncertain and shy. Peter finds it fitting, though part of him wishes that he could get over the nervousness and kiss Wade like he feels he should. They part too soon because it’s an awkward strain across the table. Peter takes it upon himself to fix that. He shifts his chair and slides it more around the side of the table, closer to Wade. Wade chews his lip again before Peter’s leaning in and kissing him again.

“Are… are we like… boyfriends now?” Wade asks when they part again. 

Peter’s chest feels like it tightens impossibly to the point he feels like it might explode. When he opens his mouth to try and form words, a shaky breath leaves his lips. He closes his mouth. He tries again.

“We could be.” Peter shrugs lightly, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth. Wade watches him for a moment. Peter can’t stop staring into Wade’s eyes.

“We… we were barely friends.” He notes.

“I know.” Peter sighs softly. His own fault. His ego had meant too much to him for him to admit that being associated with Wade wasn’t a bad thing.

“Maybe we should start there.” Wade offers in a small voice. Peter searches Wade’s face a little.

“Okay. If that’s what you want.”

“Still gonna kiss you, if that’s okay?” Wade asks. Peter chuckles softly. He nods.

“Yeah.” It comes out a little breathlessly. Wade’s smile makes Peter’s stomach flutter slightly. Wade doesn’t lean in, though he does keep staring at Peter.

“You’re so beautiful, Spidey.” Wade’s voice is low, almost a whisper that has Peter blushing. 

Peter resists the urge to tell Wade his name. He wants to, there’s a massive part of him that just wants Wade to know it. Instead, he tilts his head into Wade and softly kisses him again. He could get used to this.

“You’re beautiful too.” He whispers against Wade’s lips. 

Wade doesn’t respond, he just kisses Peter again, and that’s okay. Peter knows that Wade just doesn’t know how to take being called that yet. And that’s okay, too.


	12. Chapter 12

May was staring at him with a fond smile. He might have noticed if he wasn’t so busy going on about work. It wasn’t anything bad, he’d actually had a good day, he just had a lot to talk about. He hasn’t seen her in about a month. He felt a little bad, but he’d been preoccupied with the whole Deadpool going MIA situation. So, once the merc was back and things were sorted Peter had invited May over for a Sunday lunch.

“At least you’re enjoying yourself. That’s what matters.” She offers. 

He gives a firm nod because he’d shoved a forkful of food into his mouth as soon as he’d stopped talking. He takes a moment to chew and swallow it before he can respond.

“I am. Everyone’s pretty chill so it’s a way better atmosphere than the Bugle had.” 

May’s silent for a moment. Peter doesn’t think much on it. They were eating after all.

“You seem happier,” she notes. Peter pauses for a moment. “The last few years haven’t been easy on you, yet… I don’t think I’ve seen you this happy in a very, very long time.”

Peter bites back his smile, instantly thinking of Wade. He knows why. Obviously, he does. Things between them didn’t really change. They were still, for the most part, Spider-Man and Deadpool. It’s just that Deadpool’s touches and affection weren’t unwanted. And after all, Peter liked kissing Wade as much as Wade liked kissing him, so that happened often enough to leave an almost constant bubbly feeling in Peter’s stomach. He wasn’t used to this yet.

“Yeah, I uh… I met someone.” Peter admits, smile showing through even as he continues to try and chew his bottom lip to prevent it. 

May places her cutlery down, attention fully on him as she makes a sound of interest. Peter stares at his plate, feeling a little silly about how nice it felt to be saying it out loud.

“Well, don’t leave me hanging,” May urges.

“It’s uh, it’s not serious. I mean… we’re sort of figuring it out still but… yeah. He’s great.” Peter pokes his fork around in his food, playing with it to keep himself distracted. “We’re not officially dating but… I hope it’ll work out.”

“What’s his name?” Her voice is soft with a hint of excitement there. Peter knows he’s radiating joy, happiness even. Wade did make him happy, even though it was kind of complicated and they weren’t actually together. Having someone there, having  _ Wade _ there, it was nice.

“Wade.” Peter shakes his head softly when his smile widens just by saying his name. God, it was  _ stupid _ how smitten he was over the merc. He lifts his gaze, letting out a soft chuckle. “I’ve known him for a while now, I guess. I just… I’d never considered maybe… I don’t know.”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me, Peter. As long as you’re happy.”

“I am… God, May… he makes me feel shit I’ve never felt before.” 

He won’t say that most of those feelings involve semi-negative emotions because Deadpool was a handful. But he wasn’t really complaining either. Because above it all, above being annoying and frustrating Wade was a sweeter guy than most probably thought possible. And Peter was happy when he was around.

“He sounds wonderful. I hope it works out.” May offers, her smile so kind and loving that it makes Peter’s chest tighten. He chews his bottom lip and drops his gaze again.

“Yeah, I really hope so too.”

It’s a little awkward trying to talk to May about Wade. She doesn’t have a lot of questions. In fact, she only has a few, it’s just telling her the truth isn’t really an option. She asks how Peter met him. He tells her through work, which is a simple enough answer. Until she asks if he works with him and for some reason, Peter says no. Then, on the spot, Peter has to come up with what Wade does when she asks that. Apparently, Wade is a barista. Peter wonders if Wade would find that amusing. He pushes that thought to the back of his head. Telling Wade would mean admitting he was talking about the merc with his Aunt. He wasn’t ready to hear what Wade had to say about that just yet. Because he imagines Wade would have a lot. But, when doesn’t he?

May asks a few small questions, like what his appearance and personality is like. Peter doesn’t lie too much about the personality. He talks about Wade’s sense of humour, though he leaves out the fact that Wade’s humour can be relatively dark and inappropriate. He admits more than once that Wade is sweet, that Wade is a caring person. Peter genuinely believes that he is. Appearance, Peter struggles with. He tells her he keeps his hair almost shaven, making it hard to tell if he’s a brunette or a blonde. He panics and tells her one of his eyes is blue. Then she asks about his heartmate. Peter just shrugs.

“Dead… they never met. He doesn’t like talking about it.” Is Peter’s simple response. May seems to understand that far too well.

Almost all conversation they have, while she’s over, is about Wade. And that’s okay, only Peter has to make sure he keeps his lies in check. Part of him almost wishes he hadn’t brought it up, only because lying about it sort of bothers him. But thinking about Wade makes his chest feel fuzzy and he feels really good about it so he doesn’t hate it too much. May just looks happy, which makes Peter feel even better.

“I can’t wait to meet him,” May states just when Peter thinks that conversation is coming to an end. Peter nearly lets his demeanour visibly drop. He manages to catch himself though and lets out a nervous laugh.

“Like I said, it’s not serious yet so don’t… y’know.” Peter scratches at the back of his neck. Yeah, it wasn’t serious. They were just friends. Friends who hung out most nights beating up bad guys. Friends who kissed almost every night before they parted ways. Friends… who so clearly shared mutual feelings for each other. They weren’t boyfriends. May just gives him a wide smile and lightly punches his arm.

“It might not be serious, but you sound like you’re in pretty deep with him Peter.” She chuckles softly. 

Peter tries to laugh it off. She was right, he was in deep. Getting this close to Wade had just made his feelings grow and that was dangerous. What if Wade decided he wanted them to just stay as friends? Peter didn’t like thinking about it. He’d be happy staying in this bubble of maybe for the rest of his life if it meant Wade would stay. That thought was even scarier.

“Well, I mean… I do like him, I  _ really _ like him. But… y’know, anything could happen.”

“Peter sweetie, you can’t learn to fly if you don’t fall a few times.” May offers. Peter swallows thickly and lets out a small sigh.

“I know. But I’d rather stay where we are than end up pushing too far too fast and ruining what we have.” He admits. 

May doesn’t respond for a long moment and he knows it’s because she’s thinking it all over in her head. She wants him to be happy, he knows that. It’s the only thing she cares about anymore; his happiness. She finally gives a firm nod.

“Okay. Just don’t let yourself miss your chance to have this.” She rests her hand over his own. He nods slowly and meets her gaze again.

“I know. I won’t.”

\- - -

It’s sort of weird that Daredevil seeks him out a few weeks later. He’s really not used to this. He’s doing his normal patrol, without Deadpool which is a bit of a bummer, but Peter ignores those thoughts. Daredevil catches him when he’s just about ready to call it a night.

“Hey, did you need something?” Peter steps up to the other. Daredevil offers him a smile and shakes his head.

“Not really, I just wanted to check in on you.”

“Oh, I’m uh… I’m good.” Peter frowns slightly. 

He could understand that maybe Daredevil had the time to worry about him, maybe. But he couldn’t understand Daredevil having the time to chase him down just for a casual conversation. He must really care, more than Peter gives him credit for. That’s a comforting thought.

“Wade, he uh… he looks better. I’m guessing you were able to speak with him?” Daredevil asks. 

Peter suspects he already knows. He’s aware that Wade likes to hang around Daredevil almost as much as he likes hanging around Spider-Man. Wade talked about him a lot. And he knows Wade’s unable to keep things to himself, so if he hasn’t boasted to Daredevil about how things are going between them, it’ll be a surprise.

“Yeah, I did. I… I told him how I felt. Thanks again, talking to you helped a lot.” 

Peter’s glad that there’s a mask covering his face and that even if there wasn’t Daredevil couldn’t see him. Though he can probably sense Peter’s slight blush because he’s Daredevil and Peter still hasn’t figured out his powers properly.

“I’m glad. And I’m happy you’ve sorted that out with him. I’m guessing he felt similarly?” Daredevil sounds like he’s uncertain. Peter frowns again.

“I thought he’d have spoken about it?” Peter chuckles lightly. 

Daredevil gives a small shake of his head and Peter’s face falls to confusion. Not that it can be seen.

“No, he didn’t bring it up at all.” 

Peter turns his head away slightly. That was weird. He was sure that with Wade’s attitude, with Wade’s personality, he’d have said at least something.

“That’s… unlike him.” Peter says more to himself than actually addressing Daredevil.

“I did ask if things were okay. He sounded happy when he said they were, but he didn’t elaborate.” Daredevil shrugs slightly. “Maybe he thinks that your relationship is more private.”

“We’re not dating.” Peter’s quick to correct. His face heats up again. “We’re… still working it out.”

“I see. Perhaps that could be the reason. Maybe even Deadpool knows when something isn’t serious enough to discuss in detail.” He sounds like he doesn’t fully believe it. 

Peter just gives a small nod. He’s not sure what to say now. Admitting he liked Deadpool wasn’t too hard, once he let himself accept the fact that he did. Yet he’s already had to explain himself to May, he really doesn’t want to have to go through that again. Luckily, Daredevil isn’t that cruel. 

He clears his throat. “Either way, I’m glad you’re doing better.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Peter chews his bottom lip. They share another awkward silence. Peter’s the one to sort out his thoughts first. “I uh, I was actually heading home.”

“Yes, of course. I won’t keep you.” Daredevil mumbles, giving a firm nod like he was assuring himself too. Peter nods as well.

“I’ll see you around.”

“I won’t.”

Peter tries not to groan. Goddamn, blind jokes. He shakes his head when Daredevil chuckles at himself.

“Good night.” Peter sighs.

“Night.”

Peter’s thoughts are more Wade filled than they normally are on his way home that night.

\- - -

“You didn’t tell Daredevil about us.” Peter mumbles. 

He’s propped up against Wade’s side, in Wade’s safehouse, watching TV with him. They’d been silent for a while now, letting the show they were watching captivate them. Peter still wasn’t used to Wade managing to keep silence between them. He wonders if it’s a comfort thing, like when Wade’s in a situation where he’s completely relaxed and feels safe he can actually calm down. He doesn’t want to ask, he’s not really sure why, but the idea of being comforting for Wade is a little scary.

“There isn’t an us,” Wade says in a flat tone. 

Peter’s gut feels like it twists at the statement. It was true, but it wasn’t what he was expecting Wade to say.

“I guess you’re right,” Peter mumbles. 

Suddenly, resting against Wade doesn’t feel as comfortable as it had been. He chews his bottom lip and contemplates moving. Wade’s arm is resting around his middle, he doesn’t really want to push him away.

“Besides, he doesn’t need to know everything. If he knew how good you were at kissing he might try to kiss you. And that’s okay because we’re not a thing, but he might be better at kissing than me, I wouldn’t know. I’ve never kissed him. I’ve wanted to. Kissing a blind person is on my bucket list but Al isn’t an option. Just… no thanks. But if he’s a better kisser you’ll want to kiss him instead and I’ll get jealous because I know we’re not a thing but kissing you is my favourite part of my day.”

And there he goes, giving Peter far too many emotions at once. Because really? Kissing a blind person is on his bucket list? Sounds like a pretty shitty bucket list. Though, given Wade’s line of work and the fact he can’t die, he’s probably done some pretty out there things before, so his bucket list is probably full of everything that no one else has on their lists. But the fact that Wade’s worried about Peter wanting to go off and kiss Daredevil is sort of cute, in that way that Wade is. It makes Peter smile as he turns his head to look up at the merc.

“Who said I wanted to kiss him either way?”

“Because kissing someone who’s good at kissing is… good?” Wade sounds like he’s unsure. Peter clicks his tongue.

“You’re good at kissing,” Peter notes. Wade turns his head away and Peter wishes that he didn’t feel the need to keep his mask on around him so that Peter could see the cute blush he knows is on Wade’s cheeks.

“He could be better.” Wade shrugs. 

Peter turns against Wade slightly and reaches up to grab Wade’s chin and turn his head back toward him. He carefully pulls Wade’s mask up, just to his nose because even though he’s rather Wade had it off, he won’t remove it fully without Wade’s permission.

“I don’t care, nor do I want to find out,” Peter says in a low voice as he tilts his head and presses a light kiss to Wade’s lips. “You’re the only person I want to kiss. It’s my favourite part of the day too.”

Wade makes a strange noise at that as he tightens his hold on Peter and pulls him closer. Peter fights off a wide smile so that he can return Wade’s kisses properly.


	13. Chapter 13

For the first time in a long while, Peter’s almost okay with what’s happening in his life. He’s seeing May more often than he used to, making time for her again because he’d sort of been neglecting that. He feels bad, but he’s definitely making up for all the times he’s made up excuses not to see her in the past few years since he moved out.

Things with Harry and MJ are as good as they can be, and now that he’s got a potential boyfriend they’re not pestering him about dating. So they’re able to just hang out without Peter feeling like shit over something. The only thing Peter’s not happy with is Wade. And not because it’s  _ Wade _ , but because he is just a potential boyfriend. They’re not dating, and now that the initial glow and hype of them working things out was over, things had simmered down a lot between them.

Deadpool still hangs around with Spider-Man, being a constant presence in the web slinger's life. But once the night is over and done with, they would part ways. Occasionally, Peter might get a quick kiss from the merc before he goes, but they were becoming more rare and far between each other. Wade only offers for Peter to come over at most, once a week if he’s lucky. Peter tries not to let himself dwell on it. 

They weren’t boyfriends, he had to keep telling himself that. Wade might like him, but that doesn’t mean he’s ready for a steady relationship yet. Peter was willing to understand that, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t a little upset by the lack of the merc in his life.

“Peter?” 

He jolts out of his daze and lifts his head to see Lindsey standing over him, giving him a sceptical look.  _ Work _ , he was very much at work and shouldn’t be thinking about his not-boyfriend mercenary.

“Hey, sorry, kinda zoned out there.” Peter chuckles as he straightens up in his seat. She offers him a knowing smirk and shakes her head.

“You’re always getting caught up in your own head.” She states and something about it sounds fond. Peter chuckles and drops his gaze again.

“Yeah, sorry. Was there something you needed?”

“I know you’ve got your own project at the moment, but I was wondering if you could just give some of the pictures I have that really neat effect you’re so good at?” She asks, tapping her finger against her USB. Peter rolls his eyes and looks back up at her with a sideways smile.

“Y’know, I could just teach you how to do it.” Peter states. She makes a dismissive noise and leans on his desk slightly.

“I know that, but then I’d have to do it.” Lindsey laughs. 

If Peter’s honest, he’s not fussed with helping her out because she always returns the favour when he needs it. But he also knows that she only does this because she thinks he’s nice and attractive. He bores a kind smile and holds out his hand.

“Okay fine, but you owe me one.” He agrees. Her smile widens as she hands him the USB.

“Always.” She jokes. He turns the USB between his fingers and turns to his computer.

“Which ones did you need me to do?” He asks as he slots it into the port.

“There’s a file on there that I’ve titled for you, I’m sure you’ll find it.” She laughs again before she pats his shoulder lightly. “Thanks, Peter.”

And with that, she’s walking off. Peter glances over his shoulder at her as she goes. Okay, sure, find the file. As soon as the USB has booted up and the window for it opens, Peter instantly knows what she means. The file is titled ‘SPECIAL EDITS’. In all caps of course. Peter shakes his head. She called them that. Really the effect was super easy to do, he just liked making sure he got it perfect so he spends a little more time fiddling with the photos to make sure he gets them just right. Peter opens up the folder. 

There are about ten photos in it, which isn’t too many considering what Lindsey is like. Honestly, Peter didn’t love the effect she always wanted him to use, but he could understand why she liked it. For certain images, he’ll use it, but it’s not something he uses regularly. She’s just seen it on enough of his photos to like it.

Peter doesn’t let himself dwell on it too much and opens up the first photo. It’s a simple picture of a couple, something really basic and nice. He looks the picture over a little, taking in the couple. They’re looking at each other, not the camera, giving it a more personal feel. Peter isn’t sure what Lindsey’s latest project was, so he flips through the photos to see if he can get an idea. The second photo is the same couple, on their wedding day. Peter stares at the photo for a moment, swallowing thickly. They looked happy. Really happy. Peter takes note of their eyes. The woman’s left is blue, the right one a hazel, green colour. The man’s were the opposite. Peter chews his bottom lip and goes to the next photo.

It’s of a different couple, in a similar kind of setting and pose as the first image had been. The fourth picture is the second couple on their wedding day. Peter quickly clicks through the rest of the photos. They were all in pairs for couples, maybe of the day of their engagement or the last day of them as fiancés before them at their weddings. Five different couples. Peter drops his gaze to his desk and tries to ignore the yearning ache in his heart.

They were heartmates. It shouldn’t really be that much of a surprise to him. Most people sought out their heartmates and didn’t even hesitate to get married almost instantly upon meeting each other. So Peter shouldn’t have been surprised that the photos Lindsey had taken were of heartmates. Yet it tugged at his heart. They were going to be happy, forever with the one person the universe had chosen for them. Meanwhile, he was left without even knowing who his heartmate was. Peter sucks in a shaky breath and closes his eyes.  _ Don’t think about it _ .

He lifts his head and gets to work. And if he puts less time into the microscopic detail of the images he puts so often into these sort of pieces, that’s not his problem. The extra detail is a personal thing anyway, no one else would even know the difference.

\- - -

Peter dwells on the photos long after he’s finished with them and given them back to Lindsey. He dwells on them for the rest of the working day, making his own work sluggish and kind of crap. His project isn’t due for another week, so he doesn’t really care. But his boss does notice his lack of effort and asks him if he’s okay. He brushes it off, stating that he’s just got a bit of a headache and that he’ll be fine tomorrow. 

He dwells on it once he’s home, despite his efforts to ignore it. He dwells on it while he’s out on patrol. Wade doesn’t show up, which doesn’t help. Though he’s not sure if seeing Wade right now would be for the better or worse. He’d have hoped that going on patrol would have given him time to clear his head. It doesn’t.

He gets home, his body aching a little from a fist fight he should have easily won, but struggled to stay on top of. He was exhausted, more so mentally than physically. He strips from his suit as he makes his way to the bathroom. The shower takes forever to heat up, which doesn’t improve his mood. Once it does, he lets the water almost reach scalding temperatures and just lets it burn into him, leaving his skin pink and blotchy when he’s done. He wipes the mist from the mirror with his towel and stares at the miserable reflection looking back at him. He stares at his white eye, his chest feeling tight.

He will never have that.

The happiness that comes from having your heartmate, feeling like you’re whole and you belong because your sole purpose is to be with this one person, that was never going to come. There would always and forever be a hole in Peter’s life. He could try and fill it with as much shit as he wanted, it would never, ever be full. He would never have ‘the one’. They were gone. Peter’s chest tightens further and his eyes start to burn with the threat of tears. He would never know what it’s like to be completely, fully and wholeheartedly happy. His life was always going to be missing the one thing he hadn’t realised he needed so badly until he’d had it ripped from him. He would never have  _ that _ .

\- - -

Peter tries as hard as he can not to let the negative thoughts cloud his mind and consume him again. He’s tired of being sad, he’s tired of being  _ depressed _ . Depression is exhausting beyond belief and Peter doesn’t have time to be depressed. He tries to push it all to the back of his thoughts and he tries desperately to ignore it. But it tugs and it nags, the feelings and thoughts demand to his attention until he’s forced to sit down and acknowledge them. He ends up crying over it for nearly a full hour two days later. It’s stupid, he hates it and he hates himself. But once he’s cried his eyes out and he’s unable to cry over it anymore, he almost feels better. He collects himself and he goes out because Peter Parker had to stop and let Spider-Man do his job.

Deadpool almost crashes into him on the far outskirts of town. Literally. Luckily Peter’s reflexes are fast enough to get him out of the way before he has over two hundred pounds of Wade Wilson slamming into him. Where had he come from and why was he literally flying through the air like he’d just been shot out of a canon? Peter’s too tired to ask and he’s sure the answer Wade would give would lead to more questions than answers. Because Deadpool was like that.

“You couldn’t even catch me? That’s not nice, I hurt my butt.” Wade complains from where he sits on the roof, awkwardly leaning to the side as he rubs his ass. “I think I broke it actually.”

“Nice of you to drop in,” Peter says, trying not to sound like he’s only just recovered from a breakdown not more than twenty minutes ago.

“Heh,  _ drop in _ . You’re so funny Spidey.” Wade laughs before he pushes himself up to his feet, dusting off his knees. “So, what’re we doing tonight?”

“Nothing special.” Peter shrugs as he turns away from Wade and looks out over the city. 

As far as he knew, there was nothing serious going on, so the usual dealing with purse snatchers, drug dealers, crooks and overall bad guys was all Peter’s agenda had written out. Wade steps up to him and reaches up to tap his finger against Peter’s covered nose, drawing Peter’s attention to him again.

“I meant after. So I guess I should have said this morning? Maybe you wouldn’t have gotten confused then.” Wade scratches his head like he’s working it out. Peter stares at him for a moment before he crosses his arms over his chest.

“What do you mean?”

“Well… it’s been a while since we hung out y’know, without the suits and I thought you could come over. I even cleaned up a little if that sweetens the deal.” Wade shrugs. 

Peter tries not to sigh too loud. He really hadn’t hung out with Wade in a while, not like that. But he wasn’t really having a good night and so he didn’t feel like spending more time than needed out of bed and, worse, awake. His thoughts could get to him that way.

“I uh… I’m sorry Wade. Raincheck?” Peter offers, cringing slightly under his mask. Wade’s shoulders sag slightly, but Peter can still see the wide smile he gives through his mask.

“Yeah no, easy, I get that you’re busy, baby boy.” Wade waves it off as he turns away, resting his hands on his hips. Peter chews his bottom lip.

“Tomorrow?” he suggests. Wade gives a nod. “Sorry, I’m just… rough day.” Peter sighs.

Wade turns back to him and drops his hands from his hips. He steps up to Peter and almost cautiously reaches out and rests his hands on Peter’s waist. Peter tries not to think about it too much.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Work was just tiring.” 

Peter covers Wade’s hands with his own. Wade seems to hesitate like he doesn’t believe him at first. Then he gives another nod and steps away from Peter again, dropping his hands away. Peter’s not sure if he preferred the contact or not.

“Okay. Did you want some help with the rest of your patrol?” He offers. 

It’s always weird when Wade asks about things that he would normally just do out of impulse. Usually, he’d just tag along, keeping Peter company even if he doesn’t actually help out with taking care of criminals or not. Peter didn’t mind if he didn’t. But having Wade ask like he thinks maybe Peter doesn’t want him around, it’s strange.

“Depends, are you going to actually help or are you going to stand back and watch my butt the whole time?” Peter asks, trying for humour to help the mood feel less forced. 

Wade hums and rests his chin in his hand. Peter doesn’t miss the way Wade pointedly looks him over.

“I can’t promise anything.” Wade states and Peter can hear the smirk he’s wearing in the tone of voice he uses. Peter gives a light shake of his head and gestures of Wade to follow him.

“I won’t hold it against you.”

“You can hold anything against me Spidey. Or hold me against anything. I’m open to suggestions.” Wade states in a far too chipper tone. 

Peter offers a fake chuckle as he turns away and starts heading off, knowing that Wade will follow after him. He really didn’t have the energy to be around Wade right now, but he wasn’t going to be an asshole to the merc just because he was having a bad day. Wade didn’t deserve that.

\- - -

Things do not ever go to plan. Peter would like to blame Wade because it always seems worse when he’s around. But Peter won’t, and he can’t. Wade has nothing to do with this. Wade is just trying to help. 

They’re fighting a group of thugs who had been harassing a woman of the streets. Peter couldn’t stand guys like that, and by the sound of Wade’s snarky yet totally in character remarks, he couldn’t either. One of the guys tries to make a run for it, Peter calls out saying that he’s got him and Wade makes a noise like he’s heard Peter as he bashes one of the other thugs’ heads in. Peter catches up to the guy so easily he wonders why he’d even tried to run. A plus for effort, Peter mentally approves. He restrains the guy, webbing him up easily.

“This is bullshit!” The guy cries out. Peter rolls his eyes.

“Look, man, I’m not in the mood.”

“Why’re you even hanging out with Deadpool? You’re Spider-Man! He goes against everything you are!” The guy shouts. Peter frowns and hoists the guy up slightly.

“What’s it matter to you? If you think you would’ve gotten away if he wasn’t here, you’re seriously mistaken.” Peter states.

“You should hate him!” The guy shouts as he fights in the webbing like maybe he’ll be able to get out of it. Peter rolls his eyes.

“Sure.”

“What is he, your heartmate or something?” The guy spits. 

Peter’s body goes rigid. He almost breaks the guy's nose when he knocks him out. Peter stares at his unconscious form. He grits his teeth and tries to ignore the nagging voices in his head.

“Did he cause that much trouble?” Wade’s suddenly asking. Peter jumps at the sudden sound of the merc’s voice right beside him. Wade giggles, actually giggles, and Peter hates that. “Did I scare ya?”

“He just wouldn’t shut up,” Peter grumbles as he picks the guy up and throws him over his shoulder.

“I hogtied the others together, don’t have webs, Webs,” Wade states, pointing over his shoulder to the other two men down the street a little. 

They’re squirming and shouting into the gags Wade had shoved into their mouths. Peter doesn’t want to ask where Wade got the rope or fabric for the gags from, because he sure as hell didn’t have them before.

“Thanks.” Peter gives a small nod as he carries the other guy over to them and drops him down beside them.

“I spoke to the girl they were harassing, too. She’s okay, they didn’t hurt her.” Wade mentions as Peter sends off an alert for the police to come and pick up the thugs. He lifts his head and stares up at Wade.

“Good, thanks for doing that.” Peter fiddles with his own fingers as he watches Wade. He offers Peter a grin that he can see through Wade’s mask.

“Gotta keep the girls safe y’know? I might have slipped her a couple hundreds too.” Wade states, sounding proud. Peter’s heart does this weird little flip in his chest.

“That’s really sweet Wade,” Peter says in a breathy voice. Wade gives a slight shrug.

“Like I said, gotta keep them safe. It probably won’t do much but maybe pay for her rent for the next week or so, but that’s fewer creeps she has to deal with tonight.” Wade lifts his gaze and looks around like something had caught his attention. Peter lets out a small sigh as he bites his bottom lip.

“Still,” Peter mumbles. Wade gives another nod and looks back to Peter.

“We’re done here? I’m guessing you’ll wanna head home. With it getting late, well early and all that.” Wade waves his hand around in front of him a little. Peter stares up at Wade’s face for a long moment in silence.

“You said you cleaned your safehouse,” Peter notes. Wade pauses, his movements stopping for a second before it’s like the life comes back into him.

“Yeah, it was embarrassing knowing you’d seen the kind of mess I am.” Wade chuckles lightly. 

Peter drops his gaze and takes in the sight of Wade’s hand hanging at his side. He bites down his own bitter feelings and reaches out to take Wade’s hand in his own. At first, Wade doesn’t react. When Peter gives a small squeeze, Wade returns it.

“I’ll come back to yours if the offer is still there?” Peter asks. He’s not even nervous. He feels like he should be.

“The offer will always be there Spidey. But I thought you said-”

“Changed my mind.” Peter cuts in. He knows that Wade’s staring down at him with a confused look on his face. A stupidly adorable, confused look, a not so helpful voice in Peter’s head offers. He shakes his head at himself.

“Oh.” 

Peter squeezes his hand again. “So?”

“Yeah sure, if you’re ready?” Wade offers. Peter smiles, even though Wade can’t see it.

“Yeah.” He pulls Wade along behind him. 

They walk the whole way to Wade’s safehouse, hand in hand. It makes the voice in the back of Peter’s mind scream even louder. He tries to ignore it.


	14. Chapter 14

Peter’s not sure what his plan had been. There wasn’t really one to begin with, not that he knew of anyway. He’d just needed to be somewhere his thoughts wouldn’t eat at him. It was hard for them to do that with Wade’s constant noise. Wade offers to order some food, despite the fact it’s the early hours of the morning. Peter offers to cook. Wade helps. He’s really good in the kitchen, it’s actually really nice. Peter’s mind tries to chant about how domestic this was, he ignores it.

“So, I know you said you changed your mind, but what was it that made you? Because my brain spurts out random shit all the time but even that always has a trigger, y’know?” Wade asks suddenly while they’re eating. 

The question comes out of nowhere from the conversation they’d just been having. Peter stops chewing his mouthful and stares at what little food is left on his plate.

He tries to lie, shrugging as casually as he can. “I don’t know, just wanted to hang out a little.”

“Yeah okay, I’m not that stupid Spidey.” Wade scoffs and turns to face Peter fully on his couch. He points his fork at Peter, which has some meat and broccoli skewered on it. Peter suddenly finds it very interesting to stare at. “That guy said something that got under your skin.”

“What makes you think that?” Peter asks. 

He stares so hard at the fork he doesn’t really notice it’s moving until Wade’s lips are closing around it. He snaps out of his trance and his eyes jump up to meet Wade’s own.

“I’m a detective, it’s what I do,” Wade mumbles around the food in his mouth. Peter rolls his eyes.

“You wish.”

“I’m a big enough asshole to be a cop,” Wade states like he’s proud of that fact. Peter’s mouth falls open to answer, but he doesn’t get a word out before Wade’s tutting at him. “You’re trying to change the subject. Look, I know you. If that guy was just annoying you, you would have webbed his mouth and got him to shut up that way. But you knocked him out, he’d pissed you off.”

Peter grits his teeth slightly and turns his head away from Wade. He lets out a deep sigh. “Maybe he did. Who cares?”

“It’s the reason you came here. I care.” Wade shrugs like it was obvious. 

Peter considers lying again. But Wade is pretty good at reading liars. He clicks his tongue and runs his hand through his hair.

“I just… like I said, I’ve had a shitty day.” Peter mumbles as he plays with his own fingers out of nervous habit.

“Talk to me about it then. Because clearly, you’re not talking to anyone else about it, Spidey.”

“Stop calling me Spidey.” Peter swallows thickly as he straightens his back. “You’ve seen my face, you might as well know my name.”

“No, don’t tell me your name,” Wade mutters. “Please, just… don’t.”

“Well, too bad. Like you said, I’m not talking to anyone else, so I might as well talk to you. It only makes sense you know my name.” Peter states it in a firm tone. 

He’s not angry with Wade. Frustrated, slightly, but not angry. He just wants to make sure Wade understands how serious he is about this.

“ _ Don’t _ ,” Wade snarls. Peter recoils a little. “I’ll shoot myself.”

It’s manipulative and it’s downright  _ cruel _ . Peter wants to tell Wade exactly that, but he doesn’t. Instead, he lets out a heavy sigh and closes his eyes. “Fine, Deadpool.”

Wade goes stiff, but he doesn’t say anything. They’re silent for a long time. The tension between them is thick enough that Peter feels like he’s suffocating in it. Wade starts to fidget soon enough. He really can’t keep himself in a situation like that without feeling too trapped to escape. Peter could understand that.

“…So?” Wade prompts after clearing his throat awkwardly. Peter raises an eyebrow. “What’d he say, or do?”

Peter drops his gaze and sighs again. He twists the toe of his shoe into the floor, something to keep his focus on. “I really had a shit day. I just… I stopped thinking about it, y’know? Because I didn’t  _ want _ to think about it. Not having a heartmate… it hurts Wade. But I got over it, well… I thought I had. Then today… at work… they were so happy, so fucking happy. And there’s just a hole, there’s this void that will always be in my life because my heartmate is  _ dead _ .

“They’re not just gone, Wade. They’re fucking dead, there’s nothing that can bring them back to me. I will never have that sense of having the one, that happiness will never be there. I… I’m alone. It’s just me, with this hole in my life, haunting me, nagging me. I… I wanted to come back with you here because… being with you… I am happy, and I can… I can pretend it’s… that kind of happiness.” Peter hiccups. 

His throat feels tight as he tries not to break down into a sobbing mess. He pulls his feet up onto Wade’s couch, bringing his knees to his chest as he hugs them tight against his body. He presses his forehead into them and tries to regain even breathing.

Wade had turned his gaze away as soon as Peter had started getting worked up over it. He was still staring at the floor, feeling his own misery and self-hate clawing into his chest. 

“You’re not alone,” Wade whispers. 

Peter lifts his head slowly, sniffling so he doesn’t snot everywhere.

“You’re right, it’s not the same, but I’m here. Heh, I know that’s a pretty shitty substitute for a heartmate, but I don’t plan on going anywhere. I  _ can’t _ . I guess that’s why being around me is a bonus. I can’t go off dying on you.” Wade scoffs, shaking his head at himself. Peter uncurls from himself and reaches out to rest his hand on Wade’s arm.

“Wade… it’s true that… not having to worry about you getting hurt is great, but not for that reason.” Peter mumbles. Wade glances at him from the corner of his eye. “I’ve lost a lot of people, Wade. My parents, my uncle, a girlfriend, family friends… I’ve lost so many people, Wade. I-I lost people because I’m Spider-Man, and I hate that more than anything. I can’t lose you if someone goes after you. And I know that’s really shitty of me but  _ yes _ , it does make liking you easier. There’s no guilt that maybe one day I’ll be the reason you’re killed. That doesn’t mean I like seeing you die, Wade, I really fucking don’t. But… you can’t  _ die _ die and… I really like you, so yes… the thought of being with you is easy.”

Peter lets out a shaky breath. His eyes are filled with tears, he’s trying so hard not to break down again so that he can say what he needs to. Wade doesn’t respond, hell he doesn’t even react. He’s like a statue, staring down at the floor with no emotion to his face. Peter chews his bottom lip and looks away. 

“You make me happy. And I can’t… I can’t let the fact that I don’t have a heartmate ruin me or a chance for us, but it’s hard to forget that… no matter what, I wasn’t  _ meant _ to be with you.”

“Why do you think I don’t want you to tell me your name?” Wade mumbles. Peter goes to respond, only Wade turns to look at him and the sight of tears in his eyes has Peter choking on his words before he can get to make a noise. “Why do you think I didn’t want to jump right into a relationship with you? You will never be  _ happy _ with me. You just need someone who can stick around because you have no one. And what a catch I am, you don’t have to worry about me having a heartmate, because even if I did I’m too fuck ugly for them to ever want to be with me.”

“Wade  _ stop it _ .” Peter snaps. Wade doesn’t flinch, but Peter thinks maybe he’d wanted to. Peter moves closer to Wade, trying not to let his frustration get the better of him. “I have feelings for you, don’t believe me if you don’t want to, but it’s the fucking  _ truth _ . I don’t come to you because I think that you’re too repulsive for other people to think you’re attractive. I’m here because I  _ am _ attracted to you. I’m here because you make me smile when no one else can. I’m here because no matter how bad the negative thoughts get, you always make me feel better. I’m here because when I wanted to kill myself, you kept me  _ alive _ .”

Peter’s throat feels tight, it makes him feel like maybe he’s going to throw up, or maybe he’ll actually die from it. He doesn’t care. He needs Wade to know. 

“Wade… I… I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Wade’s suddenly pushing himself up from the couch. Peter shrinks into himself, staring up at the merc as he just… stops. He stands stock still, his hands balled into tight fists at his sides. Peter wishes he could see his face. He forces himself to get up too. Wade goes to move away, goes to walk off and Peter’s mind panics. He grabs hold of Wade’s arm and tries to hold him back. Wade twists his arm, breaking out of Peter’s grasp. He grabs a fistful of the front of Peter’s suit. Peter tenses up, but his Spidey sense doesn’t instantly start rattling his brains around. Wade stares up at him. Peter’s chest aches seeing the pain in his eyes.

“Wade…”

“Don’t-”

“Please don’t do this,” Peter whispers, unable to hold back his tears. He carefully grabs Wade’s arm, rubbing his thumbs into the leather of the Deadpool suit. “Wade I know… I know what you’ve lost, I-I know you don’t think people could love you, maybe you don’t think people should… b-but, please. I needed you to know, I’m so fucking done lying to you.”

“I’m the one person you don’t want, Spidey,” Wade mumbles as he loosens his hold on Peter’s clothing. He slowly drops his hand away, even as Peter keeps hold of his arm.

“I wouldn’t be here if that was true,” Peter assures. 

He steps closer to Wade, even though he approaches with caution. He doubts Wade would hurt him, but he knows he’s lashed out at people he’s never had the intention of hurting when he’s been in a bad headspace. Wade turns his head and looks away from Peter, gritting his teeth as he screws his eyes shut. The fight is dying away, seeping out of his body. Peter sucks in a deep and shaky breath.

“I don’t… I won’t push you, Wade. I won’t force you into something you don’t want. I just needed to tell you the truth. Things don’t have to change-”

“Yes, they do.” Wade cuts in. Peter’s gut feels like it physically drops. He tightens his grip on Wade’s arm and shakes his head furiously.

“No, Wade, we can still just be Deadpool and Spidey, don’t let this ruin that Wade,” Peter begs. 

Wade scoffs, only it doesn’t sound harsh like Peter thinks it should. He turns his head and lifts his gaze to meet Peter’s. His lip is turned up into a slight smile.

“No, we can’t,” Wade mumbles and Peter tries to keep talking, tries to desperately get out something,  _ anything _ to say so that he can change Wade’s mind. Wade lifts his hand and covers Peter’s mouth with his palm. Peter makes a distressed noise. “We can’t because it’s not what either of us want.”

Peter’s heart sinks. Wade leans in and presses a light kiss to his tear-stained cheek. “I don’t want that. I want to be  _ us _ , Spidey and Wade.” His scarred lips brush against Peter’s skin when he speaks, momentarily distracting Peter from what he’d actually said.

Peter pulls back, jerking Wade’s hand away from his mouth. Wade hisses at the jolt of slight pain, even though he knows he deserved it. “What?”

“You heard me baby boy. I’d rather be Wade and have you here as you are than be Deadpool pointlessly chasing Spider-Man around.”

“Y-you mean, wait- Wade,” Peter’s words tumble over themselves as his brain tries to straighten itself out and comprehend what Wade had said and what he was thinking, what he was feeling.

“Do I think this is a terrible idea? Yes. But I’d rather say that I tried to make it work rather than say that I never tried in the first place.” Wade offers. Peter stares up at him, mouth hanging open slightly in disbelieve. His brain finally clicks back into gear and he pulls his hand back only to thump it into Wade’s bicep. “Ow! What the hell?”

“You’re an asshole, that’s what! Why didn’t you just say that? Why’d you have to go all fucking dramatic like that?” Peter growls, glaring at the older. Wade’s smile is almost enough to make it melt right back off his face. Stupid charming asshole.

“Sweetums, I have a flair for the dramatic.” Wade laughs. 

Peter wants to be a little mad at him, but he really can’t be. Because he’s back to being himself and he’s just admitted that he wants to  _ date _ . At least, Peter’s really hoping that’s the conclusion Wade was aiming for.

“Don’t call me that.” Peter sighs as he pulls his hands back to himself.

“What? Dramatic?” Wade lifts his gaze, looking over Peter’s head as he frowns like he couldn’t remember what was going on.

“Don’t call me Sweetums,” Peter grumbles. Wade pouts.

“But if you’re gonna be my boyfriend I have to give you cute nicknames,” Wade states like it was a fact. Peter’s heart skips in his chest and colour blooms across the apples of his cheeks.

“Boyfriend…” He breathes out without actually meaning to. It makes the colour in his cheeks worsen, especially when a fond smile comes to Wade’s lips.

“Yeah, unless you want me to call you my girlfriend, I’m okay with that. I can just call you my partner even if that’s what you want. Or just my other half.”

“Boyfriend is fine.” Peter manages to get out before Wade can ramble too much. 

He bites back a grin. Yeah, boyfriend was fine. It left a warm feeling in his chest. Wade was his boyfriend.  _ Deadpool _ was his boyfriend. That’s something he’d never thought he’d be happy about. Wade steps closer into him and carefully takes Peter’s hands in his own.

“Boyfriend works for me. I’ve never had a boyfriend. Have you? Of course, you have, you’re too pretty not to have. I bet he was really sweet. What happened? Actually, it doesn’t matter. What was it like though? Because I’m already nervous about so much and it’s only been like ten seconds and I really don’t want to have the shortest relationship in the universe with the cutest boy on the planet.”

“Wade, relax. God, you’re making  _ me _ nervous.” Peter chuckles. He gives Wade’s hands a small squeeze. “Having a boyfriend is easy Wade, all you have to do is provide kisses and cuddles.”

“But I already did that before. Should I take you on a date? I have to now, don’t I? That’s what boyfriends do. They go on dates and do cheesy cute things together like steal each other’s shirts and virginities.”

“Bit late on that train.” Peter hums. Wade pauses. Peter can see it in his eyes, his brain calculating what part of his ramblings Peter was referring too.

“So, you have had a boyfriend.” It’s not a question, yet Wade sounds unsure about the assumption.

“I didn’t deny it before.” Peter agrees.

“And you’re not a virgin.”

“You sound surprised.” Peter wants to be offended.

“Not surprised in the way of like ‘holy shit, you had sex’ more in the way of that means you know what it’s like and if you enjoyed it or not.” Wade shrugs. Peter feels heat crawling up his neck and cheeks again. He didn’t expect to be talking about this right now.

“I mean, it was okay. It was only once.”

“Have you, y’know,” Wade makes a finger action that anyone with eyes would recognise, “done that with yourself since it happened?”

“W-why do you need to know?” Peter’s face is the colour of a tomato, he’s sure of it. 

Wade smirks. “So, you have. That’s good, means you enjoyed it enough to want to try again, am I right?”

“I mean, sure.”

“Which part?” Wade asks, raising an eyebrow ridge.

“Both.” Peter mumbles.

“Is it moving way too fast to even suggest-”

“ _ Yes _ .” Peter cuts in, ducking his head. 

It’s not that he doesn’t want to because that’s a lie. But he needs at least a day to collect his thoughts before he even considers sleeping with Wade.

“What if we made out in the shower?” Wade suggests. Peter shakes his head and swallows thickly. “…What about if we made out on the couch?”

Peter chuckles softly. “That, I’m okay with.”

“Thank god,” Wade breathes out before he presses himself up against Peter, wrapping his arms around the brunette’s waist. 

Peter makes a small noise of surprise as Wade lifts him up and turns back to the couch. He sits himself down on it and places Peter in his lap. Peter blushes harder as he’s forced to straddle Wade’s thighs.

Wade smiles up at him before he cups Peter’s cheek and pulls him in. It’s probably the best kiss of Peter’s life.


	15. Chapter 15

Peter shouldn’t be surprised that it doesn’t take long for him to change his mind. It takes him less than a day. Go figure. But after having to put up with more heartmate photos at work, having another colleague go on about all the great things they have planned with their heartmate for the weekend and then the crushing feeling of being out and seeing so many people with their heartmates, even damn _kids_ , it makes Peter’s misery come crashing back down around him.

He ends up showing up at Wade’s safehouse before the sun is even close to setting and is a little surprised to actually find Wade there. It makes Peter think about it for a while before he taps his knuckles on the glass. Wade’s wearing the Deadpool mask, sat in the middle of the floor, cleaning his guns, in plain view of anyone who dared to be on the fire escape. He tenses, his grip on his pistol tightening as he turns to the window, but relaxes and makes a hand gesture when he sees who it is.

“Hey Spidey babe, you’re out early.” Wade hums, his attention back on the weapons in front of him.

Peter closes the window and pulls his bag from his shoulders as he moves over to the couch.

“I came straight from work.”

Wade hums but doesn’t turn away from what he’s doing.

“I wasn’t expecting you, but there’s food if you’re hungry and you could always watch TV. I’ll be finished with this soon. Gotta take care of my babies y’know?” Wade rattles off as Peter sits on the arm of the couch and watches Wade for a moment in silence.

“This isn’t your safehouse, is it?”

Wade looks up at him, the confused upturn of his eyebrow ridge visible through his mask. Peter’s long given up trying to figure out how he does that.

“Well, no one else owns it.”

“I’m not saying that. I just… this is your apartment, isn’t it?”

Wade pauses in his movements, arm angled a little awkwardly. Peter watches as he finished the movement of his hand over the pistol before he drops it back to the carpet.

“What makes you say that?”

“You’re always here, even when you… y’know… you did that here even though you thought maybe I’d see it. This isn’t a safehouse, it’s too… lived in.” Peter offers.

Wade makes a noncommittal sound and looks up at Peter again.

“You’re really smart,” Wade notes in a tone that probably isn’t as sarcastic as it sounds.

Peter scoffs and shrugs. “Wasn’t that hard to figure out. So, if this is your apartment, do you actually have a safehouse? I’m not asking because I want you to tell me, I’m just curious.”

“There isn’t a safehouse. This is it, Casa del Deadpool. I own the whole apartment complex, but y’know there’s no point living in all the rooms so this is the one I stay in. I completely trashed one of the lower levels. _Never_ go on floor three, it might kill you.” Wade continues on his work like it was normal for someone to just own a whole apartment block.

“So… when you left, where’d you go?”

“…third floor.” Wade’s grimace is somehow noticeable through his mask. Peter just stares and blinks slowly. Wade doesn’t look at him, but Peter can tell he’s tense.

“I… I didn’t notice. Honestly, I’ve never noticed that other people don’t live here.”

“Because I make it look like people live here, otherwise someone would get suspicious.”

“Smart.”

“Thanks, baby boy.” Wade finally turns to face Peter completely and grins up at him. “So, what brings you here anyway?”

“I wanted to see my boyfriend.” Peter offers in a small voice, trying not to sound too shy. Saying it out loud was a little weird still. Wade drops his head forward and lets out a small chuckle.

“Still getting used to that,” Wade admits. Peter chuckles as well and plays with his fingers.

“Yeah, me too. I uh actually…” Peter trails off. This wasn’t something you just asked out of the blue, hell it was barely something you just asked. Usually, you let this sort of thing just happen on its own. Peter shakes his head at his own ridiculousness and chews his bottom lip.

“There’s something you need?” Wade asks before he pushes himself up from the floor, holding his hand up. “Gimme one sec.” He offers as he collects up the array of weaponry on the floor. Peter watches as he takes them all into the bedroom, wondering where he kept them. He clearly put more effort and care into his arsenal than he did his apartment or himself. Peter pushes himself up from the couch and awkwardly paces in the room a little, still playing with his fingers.

“I was thinking maybe we… uh… that we could… shower.” Peter cringes at his own choice of wording, cursing under his breath at himself for being an idiot. He lets out a sigh and keeps his eyes cast downward as Wade comes back out into the lounge room.

“I mean if you need to borrow the shower you can, but I gotta warn you the hot water can be temperamental sometimes.”

Peter chews his bottom lip, feeling heat crawl up his face as he dares to lift his gaze.

“No, like… that we could…” And then Peter horrifyingly makes the same hand action Wade had last night, making a circle with his thumb and forefinger of one hand as he slides his other forefinger into the hole.

Wade stares for a moment, at least Peter assumes he does, it’s really hard to tell when he’s wearing that mask. The silence that fills the apartment makes Peter want to jump out of the window, and not catch himself as he plummets ten floors to his death.

“What about what you said last night?” Wade asks after far too many minutes pass.

Peter’s just glad the merc is able to find his words. Though it doesn’t help his embarrassment in the slightest.

“Changed my mind.” Peter shrugs. Wade crosses his arms over his chest.

“Again.”

Peter sighs and runs his hand through his hair, tugging lightly on the strands.

“Look I… I want you okay? And I’m sick and tired of hearing people go on about how great their relationships are and I just… I want to forget about them. I want my own… stuff to be able to focus on and think about.”

Wade assesses him for a long time again as Peter waits in silence, feeling like he can barely breathe.

Wade raises his hand and pulls his mask off, chucking it at the couch before he holds his hand out for Peter to take. Peter’s fingers tremble slightly when he reaches for Wade’s hand, and he has to focus really hard to try and make them stop. Wade’s hand grips his own tightly and he rubs his thumb over Peter’s knuckles as he pulls Peter closer to him by the hold. Peter stares up at Wade, into his blank eyes. He refuses to say anything else.

“Like I said, hot water’s kind of a bitch,” Wade repeats before he tugs lightly on Peter’s hand and leads him toward the bathroom.

Peter just nods once, his hand gripping Wade’s so much harder now as he follows Wade to the bathroom. His palm is already sweating and mentally, he apologises for his clamminess.

Wade ushers him into the bathroom and closes the door behind them, dropping Peter’s hand in favour of taking hold of Peter’s waist with both hands. He backs Peter up into the basin, pressing himself firmly against Peter’s front, offering him a small smile that shows through the fact that he is nervous. It makes Peter feel a little better about it. Peter moves his own hands to take hold of Wade’s hips too as his lips part on a shaky breath when Wade presses fully against him.

Wade ducks his head down and Peter eagerly pushes himself up on his toes to get that extra bit of height so that he can meet Wade for a kiss. It’s slow but forceful, the intent of it is there, in the background, but their shared nervousness prevents it from being too rough and demanding. Peter tries not to think about it all too much and tries to just focus on what it is and what it will lead to. Wade’s hands are heavy on his hips, rough fingers digging into Peter’s muscles as Wade grounds himself with the hold.

Peter moves first. He tilts his head, opening his mouth enough to suck on Wade’s bottom lip as he slides his hand around Wade’s hip to grip his ass. And instantly, they fall into the motions like it’s been practised. Wade’s hand comes up to grip Peter’s hair as the other presses into Peter’s lower back, pulling him harder into his body. Peter sighs into the kiss, pressing his hips harder into Wade’s which pulls a soft sound from Wade and has the merc’s hips grinding down into his own. Peter rolls his hips in return. He’s already getting hard and he’s relieved that he can feel Wade’s own cock twitching to life against him. Peter tightens his grip on Wade’s ass as he lifts his other hand and grips the side of Wade’s neck.

Wade pulls back from the kiss, panting softly as he tilts his head slightly, chewing on his bottom lip. Peter swallows thickly and watches, unsure of what to do. Wade makes the choice for him. He drops both hands around the backs of Peter’s thighs and hoists the brunette up slightly. Peter’s hands instinctively grip at Wade’s back for support as he’s lifted and placed onto the bathroom cabinet beside the basin. Wade’s instantly pressing firmly against Peter again and kissing him forcefully once more. Peter moans, hips jolting against Wade’s as he cups Wade’s head in his hands and holds him firmly in place.

Wade’s hands start to wander, one reaching back and teasing Peter’s ass, gripping it firmly and kneading the muscle before he slides his fingers against the covered cleft of Peter’s ass. His other hand crawls up Peter’s inner thigh and presses against his erection. Peter moans again as the heel of Wade’s hand rolls against his covered cock, working him up further.

“God…” Peter sighs when they pull back again.

He rests his forehead against Wade’s and drops his gaze between their bodies. He reaches for the hem of Wade’s hoodie, finding the bottom of his shirt too and starts pushing them up Wade’s torso. Wade’s hand grabs Peter’s wrist and stop his movements. Peter lifts his gaze and meets Wade’s eyes, offering him a soft smile.

“…You’re sure about this?” Wade asks cautiously. Peter gives a firm nod before he tilts his head and gives Wade another kiss.

“Definitely,” Peter whispers.

Wade swallows thickly, the click of his throat audible enough that Peter wouldn’t need super senses to hear it. Peter presses another chaste kiss to Wade’s lips before he pulls back enough to pull Wade’s clothes up his chest. Wade helps in getting them off over his head and carelessly drops them to the floor. He doesn’t meet Peter’s gaze and his hands don’t come back to touching Peter.

Peter slowly trails his eyes over Wade’s chest. He doesn’t let his gaze linger for too long. He lifts his head again, turning his face into the side of Wade’s neck to kiss the marred skin softly. Peter rests his hands against Wade’s chest, trailing them down over scars he’s unfamiliar with. Wade’s hands eventually come back to Peter’s hips, shifting him forward on the counter again so that he can grind into Peter again. Wade plays with the hem of Peter’s shirt for a long time, long enough to get on Peter’s nerves and he pulls away from Wade to remove the shirt himself.

Wade stares, and Peter had expected maybe he would. His skin isn’t as perfect as most would probably think. He’s littered with his own scars from fights he’s either lost or barely come out of on top. They’re obviously nothing compared to the disfiguration of Wade’s skin, but they’re still not pretty and extremely hard to explain. He’s told all his ex’s that he’d been attacked and was lucky to escape with his life. They all seemed to buy it. Peter never knew how to explain new wounds.

Wade’s fingers pressing into Peter’s skin snap him out of his trance. Wade traces along one of the worse of his scars, a deep and long cut that goes across his chest. He’d been lucky that day. Wade lifts his gaze and Peter offers him a somewhat sad smile.

“Does it scare you? Looking back at them and realising how close you came to dying?” Wade asks.

Peter chews his lip again and thinks on it.

“A little. I used to think about it a lot more than I do now. I just… every day that I wake up I count my lucky stars, y’know? One day I’ll run out, one day it’ll kill me. I’m ready to die if it’s for the sake of saving someone else’s life.” Peter shrugs. Wade’s silent for a long time, his gaze still on Peter’s chest, fingers still tracing over the scars in his skin.

“Your life matters too,” Wade notes as he moves his hands to rest on Peter’s sides, fingers fitting between the basically non-existent indents between Peter’s ribs.

“I know. So does yours.” Peter mumbles with a slight upturn of his lips. Wade returns the soft smile as he leans back in and presses a kiss to Peter’s lips.

“I’ll watch your back, Spidey.”

Wade hums as his hands slide down Peter’s back, cupping his ass as he drags his hips forward again. Peter lets out a small chuckle when Wade’s fingers work into his pants and underwear as Wade grabs them and starts pulling them down the curve of his ass.

“Something tells me there’s a double meaning there.”

Peter raises a sceptical eyebrow as he arches his back and lifts his hips enough for Wade to get his pants past his ass. Peter sucks his bottom lip into his mouth as Wade tugs the rest of his clothing off fully, leaving him sat naked in front of Wade.

“Take it for what you will, baby boy.” Wade hums as he drops his gaze. Peter tries to will away the blush from his cheeks as Wade takes in the sight of his cock. Wade hums, lifting his gaze again as he runs his hand up Peter’s thigh. “Maybe I’m gonna have to stop calling you that and start calling you daddy.”

“Wade…” Peter’s protest gets caught in his throat when Wade’s rough fingers curl around his cock and gives him a generous squeeze. Peter’s breath hitches and his fingers instantly dig into Wade’s skin. Wade kisses Peter’s shoulder as he starts stroking the brunette at a slow but firm pace.

“You’re so pretty, Spidey.” Wade sighs as he rests his other hand against Peter’s chest and pushes him back.

Peter lays back without arguing, pressing his shoulders into the mirror. He looks up at Wade as the merc positions him how he wants, spreading his legs and angling his hips so that Peter’s hole was exposed. Wade hums, the sound rumbling deep in his chest. He steps back slightly, keeping his strokes over Peter’s cock firm and even as he opens up the cabinet door in front of him. He pulls out a bottle of lube and Peter’s mind suddenly snaps into ‘holy shit this is actually happening’ realisation.

“Babe…” Peter sighs, his toes curling slightly as he reaches down, unsure of what to do with his own hands. Wade lifts a sceptical eyebrow ridge and holds the lube out.

“Do you wanna do it?” Wade asks.

For a moment, Peter’s brain is unable to register what Wade’s talking about. His blush deepens when his mind clicks on and he turns his head to the side to try and hide his embarrassment. Wade chuckles with a stupidly handsome and devious smirk on his face as he lets go of Peter’s cock.

“That’s a no.”

Peter huffs out a breath, glancing out the corner of his eye as he hears the cap on the lube open. He watches as Wade turns the bottle and squeezes out what looks like too much onto two of his fingers. Peter refuses to turn his head fully to face Wade, meaning he’s straining his eyes trying to watch. He’s too stubborn to do anything about it though so he suffers through the pain in his eyes as he watches Wade coat his fingers fully.

Wade takes Peter’s cock back into his hand, giving him slow and firm strokes as he lowers his other hand to Peter’s ass. Peter swallows thickly and closes his eyes. He knows it’s going to be uncomfortable, especially at first. Wade presses both fingers to Peter’s hole and for a moment, Peter’s mind panics before Wade starts to massage them against his rim, slicking him up. Peter tries to focus more on Wade’s hand working over his cock, which makes him realise that Wade has really good coordination skills. He shouldn’t be surprised about that though.

“Hey baby boy, keep breathing okay?” Wade speaks up suddenly and the horrifying realisation comes to Peter that he’d been holding his breath. He inhales shakily, opening his eyes and finally turning his head to look down at Wade.

“Sorry,” Peter mumbles even more embarrassed now. Wade chuckles, twisting his wrist as he strokes upward, pulling a moan from Peter.

“I get it, just relax. I won’t hurt you, okay?” Wade offers. Peter smiles to himself as he tips his head back and stares up at the ceiling.

“I know you won’t,” Peter mumbles softly.

Wade’s fingers start to work harder and rougher against his hole, teasing him enough that he starts to relax. Peter’s hands grip the edge of the cabinet as he feels Wade’s middle finger comes to rest against his rim before Wade starts to push against the muscle. Peter tries to focus on his breathing, but Wade starts teasing his thumb in the slit of his cock, making it hard for him to focus on _anything_ and before he even really notices it, Wade’s finger is sliding easily inside him.

“Wade, oh…” Peter’s breath hitches when he feels Wade’s knuckles press firmly against his ass as Wade’s finger opens him up ever so slightly.

“Hmm? You okay?” Wade asks as he lifts his gaze.

Peter gives a small nod as he starts chewing his bottom lip again. Wade strokes Peter’s cock a little faster as he slowly curls his finger inside Peter.

“Fuck…”

Peter’s legs shake and he knows it shouldn’t already feel this good, but it does. He’s not sure if it’s Wade or if it’s just been far too long since he was sexually active. Wade hums again and starts to slowly pump his finger in and out of Peter’s hole. His fist continues to work over Peter’s cock at a steady pace that has the tip of Peter’s cock wet with pre-come.

It’s not long before Wade’s pulling both hands away from Peter’s body to slick up his two fingers again. Peter takes hold of his own cock this time, giving it a few slow but firm strokes as he watches properly this time. Wade watches Peter, their eyes meeting as he slowly slides both fingers into his hole. Peter moans softly as he takes in the added stretch.

“K-kiss me.” Peter pants once Wade’s fingers are pushes all the way inside him.

Wade doesn’t hesitate to lean over Peter, grabbing the back of his neck with his free hand to crane Peter’s head up slightly as he presses his lips firmly against Peter’s.

The added stretch has Peter’s toes curling as he moans against Wade’s lips. He strokes his cock slowly still as Wade starts to fuck Peter on his fingers. He’s slow at first, keeping his pace even as he works them in and out of Peter. When he scissors them and stretches him wider, Peter pulls back from the kiss when his head tips back and he moans louder. Wade’s instantly sucking on his neck the moment Peter’s lips aren’t against his own. Peter rolls his hips down firmly against Wade’s hand, trying to get more out of the feeling. That’s when Wade picks up the pace.

Wade fucks Peter on his fingers fast, but not too hard. He curls, scissors, and twists his fingers into Peter until the brunette’s panting rapidly, squirming against him from the stimulation. It gets to the point that Peter has to let go of his cock so that he doesn’t come before they’ve even really gotten into it.

“Does that feel good, baby boy?” Wade asks, his voice deep and teasing. Peter whines and nods, pressing his head back against the mirror firmly as he rolls his hips more against Wade’s hand. “Say it.”

“God Wade, _yes_.” Peter moans. Wade pulls away, standing up straight again between Peter’s thighs.

“Give me your hand,” Wade says as he pulls his fingers out of Peter’s hole again. Peter whimpers at the lost, opening his eyes to give Wade a confused look. Wade curls his fingers in a ‘come hither’ kind of fashion and repeats, “your hand babe.”

Peter holds out his hand and Wade opens up the lube and coats up three of the web-slingers fingers. “Stretch yourself more for me while I get the shower ready.”

Peter just gives a small nod but doesn’t move when Wade pulls away and turns to start to water. Peter stares for a moment, feeling like he’s completely unable to move before his brain seems to kick back into gear and get his limbs functioning again. He shifts his weight and curls his arm under his leg. He teases at his rim slightly, getting his hole a little slicker before he slowly slides two fingers into himself again. He pumps them slowly, stretching them apart a few times before he slides the third finger in alongside them.

“Shit…” Peter moans softly as he awkwardly holds himself as comfortably as he can and works his fingers into himself.

He’s a lot rougher about it than Wade was, knowing his own limits well enough. Wade turns to watch him and instead of making him feel more nervous or like he should cower away in embarrassment, it spurs him on. Peter reaches back with his other hand, stabilising himself on his feet as he grabs his ass and spreads himself wider as he fucks his fingers faster into himself. Wade curses under his breath and Peter watches as he palms at his covered cock.

“Fuck, you look so good,” Wade says, his eyes roaming all over Peter’s body. Peter arches his back, moaning louder more for show than anything else.

“Wade, please…” Peter manages around his panting, trying to work his fingers deeper into his body. Wade turns back to the shower, adjusting it slightly before he moves over to Peter again, yanking his pants and underwear off. Peter swallows thickly at the sight of Wade’s cock, full, hard, and curving up toward his stomach. “Fuck.”

Wade chuckles and drops his hand to stroke himself, the head of his cock glistening with pre-come. Peter moans again and pulls his fingers from his body as he sits himself up again when Wade reaches for him and takes hold of his hips.

“I uh… I can’t catch anything or give anything, so we don’t need a condom but if you want to use one I think I have some lying around…” Wade mutters, scratching the back of his neck as he averts his gaze. Peter had brought his own because he hadn’t expected Wade to have any. He thinks about it for a moment, his bottom lip between his teeth as he gnaws on it slightly.

“I um…”

“If you wanna use one that’s okay, I get it.” Wade throws in. Peter drops his gaze and feels his cheeks heat up as a blush comes to his face. Wade watches him for a moment before he realises why Peter’s avoiding looking at him. “Oh… you don’t want to?”

Peter gives a small, shy nod. Wade smirks and grabs Peter’s chin, tilting his head up to press a light kiss to his lips. “Kinky, I like it.”

“Shut up.” Peter mumbles.

Wade chuckles again and pulls Peter against him and hoists him up into his arms and against his chest. Peter instinctively wraps his arms around Wade’s neck and his legs around his waist. Wade kisses his neck softly as he carries Peter over to the shower.

“You’re a naughty little spider, aren’t you?” Wade hums as he puts Peter down on his feet again and turns him toward the shower, giving his butt a light pat. Peter decides against answering and steps under the spray, sighing as the warm water relaxes his still tense muscles.

Wade steps in behind him, instantly pressing up against his back and he rests his hands on Peter’s waist. Peter chews his bottom lip again as Wade shuffles them into the shower further and presses Peter more against the wall. Peter braces his hands against the tiles and takes in a shaky yet easy breath as Wade’s hand trails to his ass again and the merc easily slides two fingers into his stretched hole.

Peter sighs contently as he’s filled again, arching his back in the slightest so that his ass is presented better to Wade. The noise of approval Wade makes Peter blush more but also fills him with slight joy and pride, knowing that Wade approved. Wade doesn’t finger him for too long, just enough to make sure that Peter’s ready before he pulls his hand away and steps closer into Peter’s space. Wade keeps one hand on Peter’s hip as he takes his cock in the other and gives himself a few more quick strokes before he lines up. Peter’s body tense up the moment he feels the head of Wade’s cock press to his hole. Wade leans in and presses a light kiss to Peter’s wet shoulder, keeping his lips against Peter’s skin.

“Relax baby boy, I won’t hurt you,” Wade assures as he strokes his thumb in slow circles against Peter’s hipbone. Peter focuses on the rough feel of Wade’s thumb against his skin and tells himself to breathe slowly.

Wade presses against him harder and his cock slides almost effortlessly into Peter’s well-prepped hole. Peter’s breath hitches slightly before he lets out a low moan as he’s filled. Wade pauses for a moment, letting Peter’s body adjust to the added stretch of his cock that Peter’s fingers alone couldn’t achieve before he pushes in all the way. Peter mutters a low curse when Wade’s hips press firmly against his ass, Wade’s cock buried fully into his body.

“Wade… oh, so full.” Peter sighs, tipping his head back slightly.

Wade’s arms circle around his body, his hands pressing flat against Peter’s abs as he holds the brunette back against his body, pulling Peter away from the wall some. Peter still keeps his hands pressed to the slippery tiles. Wade’s body blocks out the most of the water from hitting Peter’s body, but he’s not going to complain and the warm water that runs from Wade’s body and trails down his own is still enough to help him relax more.

“You’re so tight, baby. Can tell you haven’t done this much.” Wade hums as he turns his head into Peter’s neck and kisses his skin. Peter lets his eyes fall closed and focuses solely on the feeling of Wade’s cock, stretching him open and pushing deep inside him. “Ready for me to move?”

Peter’s stomach feels like it flutters at the question. Despite how much he knows that Wade is more so kind to those he cares about, Peter had assumed Wade would take control of the situation. Peter licks his lips, shuffling his feet slightly to get a better stance, doubling as him grinding back against the merc. Wade groans softly, his fingers digging into Peter’s skin slightly for no more than a second, leaving light scratches behind. Peter turns his head more, craning his neck.

“Kiss me first?” He asks a little sheepishly.

Wade’s lip curls up in a smirk and he gives a small nod. He reaches up with one hand, lightly gripping Peter’s throat to turn his neck that little bit more and hold him in place as he angles his own head over Peter’s shoulder to kiss him. It’s a little awkward, but they make it work, their kisses still slow and firm. Wade pulls away a lot sooner than Peter would have hoped, releasing his hold on his neck and turning his head back. Peter knows it’s because Wade didn’t want to put too much strain on his neck. The thought makes Peter feel giddy.

“Ready?” Wade asks again, his hands coming to rest on Peter’s hips again. Peter gives a firm nod and steadies himself once more.

Wade tightens his hold on Peter’s waist and slowly pulls his hips back. Peter tries to keep his breathing even, closing his eyes again as he takes in the feeling. It’s a little uncomfortable, but Peter isn’t about to tell Wade to stop. He could handle it. Wade pauses with just the head still inside Peter before he slowly pushes back inside him. Peter’s mouth falls open on a silent moan as he’s filled again.

Wade keeps his pace slow and steady, letting Peter really _feel_ it and adjust. Peter bites his bottom lip because he can feel that there’s still some resistance, that his body isn’t used to this yet. But Wade keeps his movements solid and slow enough that it doesn’t hurt and the discomfort slowly starts to ebb away as the pleasure starts to curl in Peter’s belly.

“God you feel amazing Spidey. I always knew your ass was something close to perfection but this is just… fuck. I can’t believe I’m fucking Spider-Man, holy shit this is a dream come true, or it’s a dream again. Can you pinch me?” Wade starts blabbing which somehow relaxes Peter even more. He chuckles lightly and turns his head to look back at Wade.

“You’re not dreaming.” Peter offers as he drops his gaze down his back.

He watches as Wade’s cock slides slowly back inside him, muttering another low curse under his breath. Wade’s watching too, gaze completely fixated on the sight. Peter couldn’t blame him, he didn’t even have a full view and he was loving the sight.

“Okay good, fuck this is amazing. You feel so good. I already said that. But it’s true.” Wade gives an experimental thrust, something faster and harder into Peter. Peter’s spine arches and he cries out softly. Wade lifts his gaze and watches Peter’s face.

“Oh, fuck Wade.”

“Good?” Wade checks in before he tries it again.

“ _Yes_.” Peter moans as Wade thrusts back into him.

He builds up his pace, hips snapping back before he shoves hard into Peter again. The slide is so much easier now and Peter’s thanking every known God out there because it feels so _amazing_. He turns back to the wall, pushing his hands harder against the tiles as he pushes his hips back to meet Wade’s thrusts.

Their skin starts to slap together audibly in the room, the water making the sounds louder than they probably are while the sound of the shower itself actually drowns out some of the noise. Peter isn’t too fussed about how loud they get, even if he didn’t know Wade owned the whole place. Wade’s rhythm and pace really starts to pick up, to the point that Peter’s body starts to bounce back from Wade whenever he slams into him.

Peter’s unable to think about anything other than _Wade_ and how good it feels, how well Wade’s cock fills him up. He pushes back from the wall again, reaching back to grab the back of Wade’s head and try to bring him close enough to kiss again. Wade stops moving, pulling a whine from Peter because not only is he unable to reach Wade to kiss him, but now Wade’s pulling out of him.

“Wait, turn around.” Wade offers, patting Peter’s hip softly even as his other hand falls to Peter’s ass and his fingers slide into Peter’s body again like he has to have some part of himself inside Peter.

Peter does as he’s told, instantly stepping closer into Wade, only to be pushed back against the wall of the shower again. Wade boxes him in, leaning in to kiss him forcefully and rough. And it’s amazing, Peter moans and whines into the kiss, trying to keep up with Wade’s assault on his mouth. Their teeth clash a little when they lose their rhythm slightly. Peter chuckles, pulling back to cover his mouth with his hand. Wade smiles down at him as he slides his hands down Peter’s wet body and grabs him under his thighs.

“Grab on.” Wade prompts and Peter’s brain takes exactly one second too long to figure out what Wade means by that.

Wade’s already hoisting him up before Peter’s flailing his arms out and gripping Wade’s shoulders tightly as he tries to hold back a noise he’d rather not admit to almost making. Wade holds Peter up against the wall, pressing forcefully into Peter to keep him steady.

He adjusts his stance, keeping one arm wrapped around Peter’s waist as he drops the other to take hold of his cock again. He lines himself up and slowly pushes back into Peter. The change of angle has Wade’s cock teasing Peter’s prostate and feels amazing in so many different ways to how they were before. Peter moans softly as he’s filled again, digging his fingers lightly into Wade’s marred skin.

Wade holds him still for a moment before he wraps both arms tightly around Peter’s waist, pressing him harder against the wall before he pulls back, his cock almost slipping completely from Peter’s stretched hole before he’s pounding back into the younger. Peter’s head tips back, his skull bouncing off the tile as he cries out softly. Wade smirks, his teeth showing through his grin as he watches Peter lose himself to the pleasure.

“Ohhh fuck.” Peter whimpers softly, biting his bottom lip as he’s fucked in the best way possible.

He doesn’t remember feeling this good last time, maybe it’s because it’s Wade, maybe he’s just been sexually pent up for too long. He’s not sure why, but he just feels so good right now, like nothing could ruin this moment. Wade grunts, catching Peter’s attention.

He reaches up to frame Wade’s head in his hands, tilting the merc’s head back enough for him to lean down and kiss him. It’s rough and messy and they mostly just pant against each other’s mouths and breath into each other’s faces because they’re too caught up in the actual act to think about sorting themselves out.

“Oh God, oh God, right there, _fuck_.” Peter cries out, his prostate being stimulated just enough to have his toes curling against Wade’s back where his legs are locked around his waist and his nails digging into the back of Wade’s neck.

“Fuck you’re so tight. Spidey, fuck, you feel incredible.” Wade praises, his words making Peter’s head spin. He never would have known that praise was such a turn on for him, but now that he does he doesn’t want Wade to ever _stop_.

“I’m close.” Peter moans against Wade’s skin.

Wade adjusts Peter’s weight again, pushing him up against the wall harder again as he lifts a hand to take Peter’s mostly neglected cock into his hand. Peter mewls softly as Wade’s rough fingers give him a hard squeeze before he starts stroking Peter hard and fast, in time with his hips thrusting up into Peter’s body.

Peter curls his spine, looking down between them and taking in the sight of his cock head disappearing repeatedly into the circle of Wade’s fist while also being able to see Wade’s cock pressing into his hole over and over again. Peter screws his eyes shut, muttering more curses as he presses his forehead against Wade’s neck. He starts making what he’d consider to be embarrassing whimpering noises if he wasn’t so out of it.

“Fuck, Spidey, your sounds are so hot. Come for me, fuck, I wanna see it.” Wade’s voice is close to a growl, making Peter’s stomach feel like it does a flip. “I wanna feel you get nice and tight around my cock, I wanna taste you so bad.”

“Wade, Wade, fuck, baby!” Peter clutches to Wade tighter, his hips trying to grind down onto Wade’s cock and also roll up into his fist on their own accord.

Peter grits his teeth, trying to hold back from screaming as he comes, his cock twitching in Wade’s fist as his come spurts between them. Wade curses as he takes in the sight, catching Peter’s come in his fist before the shower water can wash it away. He doesn’t stop fucking into Peter’s clenching hole as he strokes Peter through his orgasm. Peter’s body shakes in his hands and when Peter lets out a heavy moan, he knows that he can let go of the brunette’s sensitive cock. He pulls his hand up and Peter watches with a hazy gaze as Wade licks what little come the water hadn’t washed away from his fist. Wade groans softly at the taste.

“So good, baby boy, fuck. I’m gonna come.” Wade drops both hands to Peter’s hips, driving Peter down harder and faster on his cock as he puts more energy into his final thrusts. Peter nearly cries out again at the rough pace.

Wade’s hips stutter before he pushes hard into Peter, moaning louder than Peter thought he was going to let himself get. Peter’s eyes roll closed as he feels the warmth of Wade’s come filling him, deep inside him, Wade’s cock stretching him open and pressing so _deep_ , Peter still can’t believe how full Wade makes him feel.

Wade seems to snap back to reality with a stuttering breath, gulping in oxygen as his hips roll into Peter’s a little, like he’s stirring up Peter’s guts. Peter feels weightless and boneless against Wade, trying to keep his grip on Wade tight so that Wade doesn’t have to support him completely. Wade slowly pulls out and Peter whimpers softly at the weird feeling of his stretched ass and the even weirder feeling of Wade’s come leaking out of him. He screws up his face a little as Wade sets him down and looks down at him.

“Weird?” Wade asks with a knowing look. Peter gives a slight shrug.

“Yeah, a little. It’s not bad though.” He admits. Wade makes a hand gesture in a small circle.

“Turn around,” he says as he reaches over to the soap rack and picks up a flannel.

Peter does as he’s told and even reaches back to spread himself open. Wade makes a weird noise and Peter turns his head to look up at Wade. His cheeks heat up with a blush as he realises that Wade’s staring down at his exposed hole and definitely watching his come that Peter can feel dripping from his hole. Peter chews his bottom lip and purposely clenches, feeling more dribble out.

“Fuck, are you trying to kill me?” Wade asks, his voice strained with a whine.

Peter smirks to himself and does it again. Wade mutters something under his breath. “What was that?” Peter asks, tone slightly teasing.

“Keep that up and I’ll eat it right out of your ass,” Wade grumbles louder for Peter to hear.

Peter’s blush deepens, and he swallows thickly at the thought. He’s not sure if he’s into it because he’s one to always be willing to try new things or because it’s Goddamn Wade Wilson saying it. Either way, it makes his hole clench again and his cock give a weak twitch. Wade steps closer to Peter and slides his fingers up Peter’s cleft and into his open hole, sliding in so easily that Peter can only feel the amazing pleasure the action brings. Peter’s eyes slide closed as Wade slowly pumps his two fingers into Peter’s body.

“You really are a kinky spider.” He hums into Peter’s ear, smirking wide when Peter shivers from the closeness. Wade’s fingers retreat before Peter can saviour the feeling and the rough feeling of the flannel against Peter’s hole rattles him out of his headspace.

“You’re the one suggesting the kinky things,” Peter mumbles as Wade cleans him up as best he can. Wade hums and turns Peter around again and lightly runs the flannel over his softened cock.

“Yeah but that’s to be expected. You’re the one who’s into them.” Wade states. “Just because I suggest it doesn’t mean _I’m_ into it.”

“Don’t act like you’re not,” Peter grumbles as he sidesteps around Wade, only just now noticing how spacious Wade’s shower actually is, to get under the spray of the water better.

Wade shrugs and rises the flannel off before handing it over to Peter as he picks up the soap. It’s not like he actually _needs_ a shower, but he might as well while they’re here.

“I mean, it’d be pretty stupid of me to suggest something I wasn’t into,” Wade admits. Peter narrows his eyes and gives a weird half shrug.

“You just said-” Peter cuts off when Wade presses a finger to his lips and hushes him.

“I know, I was just saying y’know. Just because I think it’s stupid doesn’t mean other people wouldn’t do it.” He gives a shrug. Peter stares up at him for a moment before he shakes his head and decides to drop it.

They wash in silence, which Peter is a little surprised about considering Wade can’t ever seem to actually stay quiet for too long. It’s like he’s a ticking bomb and if he stops talking he’s just going to explode. The silence is nice though, it gives Peter time to think. He’d just had sex with Wade Wilson, Goddamn Deadpool. The one person he _never_ thought he’d ever be interested in. And they were boyfriends. Peter had a lot to digest.

Once they’re finished and out of the shower Wade realises that he only has one towel in the bathroom and states that it probably needs a wash anyway. Peter picks it up and cautiously gives it a small sniff. The smell doesn’t instantly burn his nose so he figures it’s safe.

“C’mere.” He offers as he wraps one half of the reasonably sized towel around himself. Wade raises an eyebrow ridge.

“That thing isn’t big enough for both of us,” Wade notes. Peter rolls his eyes and steps closer to Wade and wraps the other end around him, pressing their wet chests together.

“You were just inside me, I don’t think this is too close for comfort,” Peter notes with a soft chuckle. Wade shakes his head slightly with a fond smile. Peter licks his lips and drops his gaze.

“Yeah okay, we’re not drying like this though. I have no problem with being in your personal bubble, baby, but this is pointless. Oh! It’s _our_ personal bubble now! Because I have permission to be close to you all the time, right? Because boyfriend? Y’know that saying, ‘my personal bubble is for myself and my boyfriend’. That’s a thing.” Wade rambles on again. Peter can’t help but stare up at the merc with a fond smile as he just listens to Wade go on. Wade doesn’t notice until he’s done, looking back down to Peter with a grin that slowly slips from his face when he meets Peter’s soft stare. “What? Why’re you looking at me like that?”

Peter blinks slowly and bites his bottom lip as he drops his gaze. “I meant what I said yesterday… I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Wade tenses, Peter feels him go stiff against him at the statement again. Peter gets it, he understands why Wade would want to recoil from that confession, but Peter wasn’t going to lie anymore. They’re silent for a long time. Wade doesn’t really know if he should try and escape or if he should say something or stay quiet. He’s really not sure. He manages a nervous chuckle.

“Yeah, who wouldn’t fall in love with this gross cheese face?” Wade laughs it off, turning his head away so that he’s not looking at Peter at all. Peter sighs softly and leans into Wade’s chest, resting his forehead against his collarbone as he tilts his head up and to the side slightly, so he can still look up at Wade.

“You’re not gross.” Peter mumbles. Wade chews his bottom lip.

“I am, you’re just into gross. And I’m not shaming you for that, all to their own, but you can’t deny that I am gross.” Wade says.

Peter sighs again and closes his eyes. He clearly wasn’t going to be changing Wade’s mind about that any time soon. He tilts his head down and presses a firm kiss to Wade’s chest, between his pecs. Wade hisses softly and suddenly Peter pulls back and stares up at Wade with wide eyes.

“What happened?” he asks, unsure of why Wade would be making a sound of what Peter can only assume is pain. Wade stares down at Peter for a moment, eyes wide like an animal trapped in headlights before he lets out another laugh.

“I uh, my neck. Yeah, my neck hurts a little from y’know.” He makes a vague hand gesture before he rolls his head back and Peter hears the light pop of his neck. Wade sighs. “Better. Now, how about I get you dry and you go find some of my clothes to steal while I sort myself out?” Wade offers as he awkwardly untangles himself from their warm yet still wet cocoon. Peter gives a nod and allows Wade to do just that.

As soon as Peter’s dry, Wade ushers him from the bathroom, patting his ass lightly. Peter swats his hand away and shakes his head as he leaves the bathroom. Wade watches him go, making sure he heads into his room before he moves back into the bathroom and steps up to the basin, looking into the mirror. He leans over the sink and runs his fingers over his chest, stopping over the area Peter had kissed. He swallows thickly as he takes in the sight of the fresh mark on his skin, unlike his scars. He drops his gaze as the realisation sinks in, his eyes widening in shock.

 _Spider-Man is his heartmate_.

\- - -

Spidey leaves at about one in the morning, saying he has work and needs to head home if he plans on getting proper sleep. Wade doesn’t try to stop him. They’d gone on patrol together, they’d had dinner together and Peter had stayed for the night, long enough that Wade had just assumed he was going to stay. Wade wasn’t too upset that he was leaving. His mind was still reeling.

Spidey was his heartmate. Not just his boyfriend, his damn heartmate. Wade was still trying to piece the puzzle together.

{Think about it! His eye is white, like yours!}

[Our eyes are white because we _died._ ]

{That’s what happens! And his eye went white after he met us, right? Do we know what colour his eye used to be? Should we ask? Did we already know? I can’t remember! Curse this memory problem we have!}

“Shut up! Okay, just shut up for a fucking second!” Wade shouts back at the boxes, trying to wrap his head around far too many things at once that having them prattle on wasn’t helping. He’s relieved they actually listen for once and stop talking. He takes in another shaky breath and really _thinks_ about it.

The first time he met Spidey in person, the guy was happy, normal he’d say. It wasn’t long after that first encounter when Spidey suddenly disappeared, only to come back depressed and suicidal. He’d told Wade it was when he found out he’d lost his heartmate. His heartmate had died and Wade had died that day which couldn’t be a coincidence. The pieces all seemed to be fitting so far. Wade chews his nail.

[He left a mark on your chest, there’s no way you’re wrong about this.]

{Only heartmates mark other heartmates. Spidey is our freaking heartmate! This is so amazing!}

“No… it’s not amazing, it’s the complete opposite!”

[Oh, no.]

{Nooo no, no, don’t spiral! Things are going okay.}

“Okay?! How can you say that? Spidey can’t be our heartmate, he… he…”

[He what? Deserves better?]

“ _Yes_.” Wade closes his eyes and swallows the lump forming in his throat.

It was one thing being his boyfriend. Boyfriends weren’t forever, they didn’t have to be and he never expected Spidey to stick around. Heartmates are meant to be forever. But he was the worst option.

[You can’t change this. You’re his heartmate, he’s yours.]

“I can’t tell him.”

{Are you crazy?!}

“Obviously. I have you two assholes to prove that.”

[Not telling him is a bad idea. He deserves to know.]

“No, he’s better off without me.”

[But he’s not without you. You’re _dating._ ]

“It’s been two days, and he’ll find someone else. I don’t want him to feel like he has to stick around.”

{He said he loves you.}

“He doesn’t. He loves the idea of me. I’m someone he can always come to. He’ll realise that sooner or later.”

Wade’s surprised when the boxes have nothing to say to that. Even they know that he’s right. Spidey can’t know that they’re heartmates, it’s just better this way.


	16. Chapter 16

“So,” Peter starts, a smile trying desperately to take over his face. He sees Harry shift beside him and bites his bottom lip to further try and hold back from grinning like a madman.

“So?” Harry questions, tilting his head forward in an attempt to get a better look at Peter’s face. He turns his head and looks back at Harry, knowing that the twitch of his lip is a telling sign that something was up. Harry sits up straighter and gives him a curious look, a smile fighting its way onto his own lips. “What’d you do Parker?”

“I listened, for once.” Peter shrugs, chuckling lightly to himself.

“To who and  _ what _ ?” Harry asks, leaning back in his seat slightly. Peter leans back too and turns his head to look out into the street, watching people rush around like ants.

“I went for it. I actually asked him out.” Peter tells him. 

He breathes in steadily. It’s nice being able to be honest about it. He’s been dating Wade for nearly three weeks now, he feels that’s enough time. Wade was weird about it throughout the first week and a half, but he’s settled back into being his normal self and Peter couldn’t be happier. Harry suddenly leans forward in his chair and lightly punches Peter’s arm.

“Get outta here, seriously?” he says. Peter’s mouth hurts because he can’t stop smiling.

“Yep. Going on three weeks soon.”

“Pete, why didn’t you say something man?” Harry leans into Peter’s side and wraps his arm around his neck, pulling him into his body. He ruffles Peter’s hair affectionately while Peter cringes and tries to scramble out of his hold.

“Cut it out!” Peter laughs as he shoves Harry off him, leaning against the side of his chair to put distance between them. Harry’s still grinning at him and he can’t help but grin back. “I wanted to wait, y’know? Just in case it didn’t work out, but I think… I think it’s going to.” Peter admits.

“That’s great, seriously, I’m so happy for you.” Harry states. Peter snorts and leans closer to him again and reaches out.

“I can tell,” he says as he pokes the dimple in Harry’s cheek. “You’re smiling so hard your damn face is caving in.”

“Shut up.” Harry swats Peter’s hand away. “MJ thinks the dimples are sexy, or cute. Depending on the situation.”

“Of course she does.” Peter chuckles. He leans forward in his chair again, still smiling to himself.

“So, are you going to tell me his name now, or are you still gonna be a stubborn ass about it?” Harry asks, stretching his foot out to nudge Peter’s own. Peter clicks his tongue and stares out into the street again.

“Wade,” Peter offers. He sees Harry throw his hands up in the corner of his eye.

“What, that’s it? No last name?” He asks. “How else am I meant to dig up dirt on this guy to make sure my best friend isn’t dating a serial killer?”

Peter laughs at the irony of the statement, dropping his head into his hands as he lets out a strange sounding sigh, something close to a groan. “That… is exactly  _ why _ I won’t tell you his last name,” He states as he lifts his head again and looks over to Harry with a sideways smirk.

“Fine, but now I have to meet him,” Harry says.

“Yeah, I know. May’s dying to meet him.” Peter hums as he sits himself up in his chair again. He reaches over to the café table and picks up his coffee, taking a slow sip of it.

“Hell, I bet. She’s always been so positive about all of your partners, even when she didn’t actually like them.” Harry laughs. Peter shakes his head slightly.

“Yeah, now she has a personal vendetta against them all.” He takes another sip of his drink before placing it back onto the table.

“They all better be terrified of her. I know I would be.” Harry sighs, leaning back in his chair again. “But seriously Pete, I’m glad you took that chance.”

“Yeah, I am too,” Peter admits, feeling the fluttering of his chest finally start to simmer down.

\- - -

“My friends want to meet you.” Peter hadn’t really known how to bring up the conversation.

Now was either a really good time or a really inappropriate time. On the one hand, they’ve just had sex, which is not the time to talk about your friends. On the other, Wade might be less likely to try and run away whilst completely naked. Though this is  _ Wade _ , Peter wouldn’t put it past him to jump out of a ten-floor window to escape a situation he wasn’t comfortable with.

Wade’s thumb that had been stroking the skin of Peter’s shoulder comes to a sudden stop and his grip tightens on Peter’s arm. Peter tightens his own hold around Wade’s chest, pressing his face into Wade’s collarbone in hopes that if Wade does try to run, he won’t be able to escape too easily. There’s a beat of silence in which Peter doesn’t think Wade even breathes. Then the movement of his thumb starts up again and everything feels like it goes back to being relaxed and calm once more. Peter lets out a steady breath.

“You told them about me?” Wade asks, sounding nervous. Peter shrugs and lifts his gaze. Wade isn’t looking back at him, but that’s okay. Peter doesn’t really expect him to.

“Well yeah… you’re my boyfriend,” Peter offers like that should be explanation enough.

“I can’t meet them, for multiple reasons. Number one, I don’t even know your name.” 

Peter pushes himself up with a soft sigh and looks back down at Wade.

“We could change that, right now,” he says, but Wade’s already shaking his head.

“Nope, don’t. I told you what I’d do if you told me.” Wade points out, still not looking at Peter. In fact, he’s turned his head away from him.

“Yeah, you’d shoot yourself. Which is equally parts fucked up as it is selfish Wade.” Peter sneers, rolling his eyes. Wade sighs and sits up as well, giving in and looking back at his boyfriend.

“Listen, baby boy - ”

“Spidey.” Peter corrects with a glare. Wade deflates, running his hand over his head.

“Look, I can’t know your name,” he says like it should make sense as to why he’s saying that.

“You always say that, but you never have a good reason for it,” Peter grumbles as he crosses his arms over his chest. Wade sighs and looks up at Peter with an unreadable expression.

“If… if things get serious, I’ll let you tell me your name,” Wade says instead of trying to tell him for what feels like the hundredth time why telling Wade his name was a recipe for disaster. Peter’s shoulders sag.

“I thought things were getting serious,” Peter admits in a low voice. Wade’s chest feels like it tightens beyond return at the confession.

“They… I um… fuck. Look Spidey, yes, they kind of are, but I just… I can’t risk you getting hurt - ”

“Wade this is stupid.” Peter sighs, cutting him off because he’s heard that excuse so many times by now.

“Please just, listen to me for once,” Wade begs desperately. 

Peter’s a little shaken by the sudden outburst. Wade looks like he’s about to have a breakdown or a panic attack or something like that. Peter hasn’t seen him look this scared before. Wade swallows thickly and drops his gaze, cursing under his breath.

“I… I really like you - no, I’m being honest . I’ve fallen in love with you like you stupidly fell in love with me and I  _ can’t _ lose you. And I’m a fucking… I’m the worst, okay? When I’m bleeding out or getting the snot kicked out of me I ramble, you know that and how many times have I name dropped Spidey while that’s happened?” Wade’s tone is still desperate. 

Peter knows it’s a rhetorical question, but he can’t help but think about all the times he’s been around Wade and heard it, and how many times he  _ hasn’t _ been around that it could have happened. Wade shuffles forward and reaches up to cup Peter’s cheeks in his hands.

“If I know your name, what happens then?” Wade’s voice is weak and it shakes slightly. Peter swallows thickly and lifts his hands to cover Wade’s own. Wade shakes his head and closes his eyes, the corners wet with tears. “Someone will come for you, they’ll hurt you, they’ll kill you. If they find out enough they’ll go after your friends, they’ll go after your family and I  _ can’t _ be responsible for that.” Peter sighs and closes his eyes. “I’m sorry, baby boy, I won’t risk it.”

“Okay… okay, I get it. I… I understand Wade.” Peter sighs again and pulls one of Wade’s hands from his face so that he can lock their fingers together. He pulls Wade’s hand to his lips and kisses across his scarred knuckles.

“I’m sorry. But I won’t do that to you.” Wade sighs, opening his eyes again and meeting Peter’s own. Peter nods and kisses his knuckles again.

“So… what do I tell them? I need a reason for why they can’t meet you.” 

Wade shrugs.

“You’re smart, you’ll figure it out, baby,” Wade offers. It’s not really helpful, but Peter knows that saying that won’t help. He just nods.

They’re silent for a long time, eyes searching over each other’s faces.

“Sorry I ruined the mood.” Peter finally manages to apologise. Wade smiles as he gives him a shrug. He pulls Peter into his chest and lays back down on his bed. Peter nuzzles into Wade’s neck contently.

“Nothing a good cuddle can’t fix, sweetums.” Wade hums. Peter rolls his eyes at the pet name but doesn’t remind Wade not to call him that.

He wraps his arms around Wade’s body and cuddles farther into the merc’s broad chest. Wade hugs him back just as tight, staring up at the ceiling as the smile falls from his face. He knew things between them couldn’t get any more serious, otherwise, things could go wrong so fast.

“Wade?” Peter whispers. Wade hums to let him know he’s listening. “I love you.”

Wade’s throat feels like it restricts, and he squeezes his eyes shut.  _ This is so bad _ .


	17. Chapter 17

Peter kicks his feet back and forth in the air, his heels bouncing off the wall with light ‘thudding’ noises. He leans forward slightly, hands gripping the edge of the building as he lets out a heavy sigh. He scans the skyline ahead of him, the black inky sky broken up by the bright lights of the city. He closes his eyes and holds in another sigh. He hears the light scuff of boots behind him and thinks ‘finally’, despite the fact he knows that he showed up early and so it was his fault he had to wait around. He opens his eyes and looks up as Daredevil steps up to the ledge beside him and takes a seat. He tilts his head toward Peter and offers him a smile. Peter returns it, hoping he can sense it or whatever it is what his powers allow him to do.

“Evening.” He greets and Peter scoffs.

“Bit late for that isn’t it?” Peter states as he looks back out at the city, still hunched forward slightly. He sees Daredevil shrug from the corner of his eye.

“Maybe so, but greeting someone by saying ‘good night’ is weird.” 

Peter nods his head in agreement. “I guess. Thanks for coming, by the way. Sorry to keep bothering you.” 

He tips his head down slightly. Honestly, his little rooftop therapy sessions helped, but he felt like a bother every time he met up with Daredevil, despite him insisting constantly that it was okay.

“You’re dating Deadpool, I imagine you need to talk to someone who understands the man so you don’t lose your mind.” Daredevil chuckles. Peter chews his bottom lip.

“It’s not Wade that’s the problem… well, not really. I… I told my friends, my family that I was dating someone to get them off my back. Now they wanna meet him.” 

Peter decides to get right to the chase. They both know they’re only meeting up because Peter’s going to ask for some advice. It’s almost stupid, but Peter’s been thinking it over for nearly three days and he has no idea how to tell the others that they can’t meet his boyfriend.

“That would cause a problem. I’m guessing it’s not really an option to tell them that your boyfriend is a mercenary that looks like a pepperoni pizza.” 

Peter tries not to chuckle, he really does, but the imagery is so accurate.

“Like old cheese,” Peter throws in, chuckling when Daredevil laughs as well.

“Yeah, but I’m guessing it’s not the looks department that has you worried.” 

Peter sighs and nods again.

“He uh- wait, how do you even know what Wade looks like?” Peter says, raising an eyebrow. 

Daredevil turns his head to him and Peter knows that if he could see his eyes, he’d be giving him the flattest look possible.

“I’m blind, not stupid.”

Not really an answer, but Peter waves it off for now. “Anyway, he doesn’t want me to tell him my name. He’s… he doesn’t want me to get hurt. And that’s like… really sweet and all that, but it’s also really frustrating. It feels like things are getting serious and he agrees, but it’s almost like… he doesn’t want it to.”

“He wants to protect you,” Daredevil says. “Wade isn’t a person to throw someone he cares about into the deep end, but if he’s this adamant about not knowing your name, he must really care about you.”  

Peter swallows thickly and closes his eyes.

“It just makes it hard, y’know? What am I meant to tell everyone? ‘Sorry, you can’t meet my boyfriend because he’s insane and doesn’t even know my name? Oh, how did I meet him? I’m Spider-Man, duh.’” 

Peter shakes his head and leans back slightly. He lets out a heavy sigh and stares into the black void of the night sky. Daredevil is silent for a long time.

“Is Wade more important than your identity?” Daredevil asks. Peter chews his bottom lip. He’s thought about that a few times already.

“He is… but I… I  _ can’t _ . I can’t for the same reasons Wade refuses to know my name.” 

Daredevil nods, Peter sees it from the corner of his eye again.

“The only reason they can’t meet him is because he doesn’t know your name, right?”

“Yeah. I’ve already put my foot in it and told them he’s a barista, so there’s no need to worry about telling them what he does. And I told them I met him through work, so there’s that. They know his name and they’re basically begging to meet him and I just… I don’t know what to tell them.” Peter sighs. He leans forward, resting his head in his hands as he closes his eyes once more.

“It’d be too convenient for him to suddenly need to leave the state or country, resulting in him not being able to show.” Daredevil says, more to himself.

“Yeah, I already thought about that. They’d probably think I’m lying.” 

Peter sits up again and pulls his mask off to rub at his eyes. He was tired, mostly mentally but a little physically too. And Daredevil couldn’t see him, so it was fine.

“And even if you did tell them you were Spider-Man, it’s not like telling them he’s Deadpool is the best idea either,” Daredevil continues. Peter shakes his head. “What if you had someone pose as him?”

“What?” Peter snaps his head to the side, staring wide-eyed at the other.

“Just for now, have someone else be Wade just for meetups, surely Wade would be okay with the idea.” 

Peter stares at him, blinking slowly.

“But… what about if one day Wade actually meets them?” 

Daredevil shrugs.

“Wade’s body issues aren’t a secret. I think they’d probably understand the thought that maybe someone with such terrible disfiguration  - no offence - wouldn’t want to meet his boyfriends’ friends and family.” He shrugs again. Peter drops his gaze, chewing his bottom lip.

“That… it’s not right. To lie to them like that.”

“What else are you going to do? Even if you had pictures of Wade and showed them and said ‘hey he doesn’t want you meeting him because his self-confidence is lower than the surface of the Earth’, they’d probably still want to meet him, wouldn’t they?” 

Peter sighs again because he was right. Harry, MJ and May were all so accepting, they’d never judge Wade for his appearance, especially since he makes Peter so happy.

“Who would even want to pose as Wade, though? It’d have to be someone who knows him, and someone who knows me. And there’s no one who does.” Peter says. He felt like he was in an endless loop of a losing battle.

“I can if you’d like?” Daredevil offers. Peter looks up at him again with wide eyes.

“But… you…”

“I know I don’t know you personally, but you trust me, right? That’s the only reason I’m here now.” Peter swallows thickly. “I’d never do anything to hurt you or your family. But it is just a suggestion. I doubt Stark could pull the part.”

Peter almost shudders at the thought. Yeah no, Tony was not an option. “You’d do that for me?”

“Of course. I understand where Wade’s coming from, and I understand the situation fully. I know it may cause problems if Wade ever ends up meeting them in person, but that’s something we’ll work out when the time comes. But for now, you need a face for a boyfriend who can’t meet your family,” Daredevil says calmly. 

Peter swallows. “You… you’re really okay with doing this?” He asks again. Daredevil’s smile softens and he nods.

“Yes, so long as Wade is okay with it too. He’d probably be relieved though.” He shrugs. Peter chuckles lightly.

“Yeah… probably. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“I owe you a lot.” Peter scoffs. Daredevil shrugs.

“Happiness doesn’t have a cost.” 

Peter smiles to himself. “If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to let me know, okay?” Peter says. 

Daredevil chuckles but nods.

“Alright. Now, since I’m going to pretend to be your boyfriend and despite your current situation with your real boyfriend, I  _ am _ going to need to know your name. And fair is only fair. My name is Matthew Murdock, though Matt is fine. I’m going to have to get used to being called Wade, but I guess it can’t be any different from when I first took on Daredevil,” Daredevil  - Matt - says Peter another kind smile. 

Peter swallows thickly. For some reason, the name sounded familiar.

“Peter Parker,” he replies, feeling like a weight has somehow lifted from his chest. 

No one knew his identity, but somehow letting someone know made him feel better. Maybe he just trusted Matt too much. Which can’t be a bad thing, after all, Matt has helped him out with a lot.

“It’s a pleasure to finally properly meet you, Peter.” Matt offers as his lips twitch up into a smirk. Peter chuckles and leans back on the ledge again.

“Same to you, Matt,” Peter says as he turns his head to look out over the city again. 

There’s still a feeling of distaste in his gut. He just wishes he didn’t have to do this, that Wade would let Peter reveal his name to him.

\- - -

Peter heads over to Wade’s apartment in the early hours of the morning, before the sun has risen. He doesn’t have work today so he won’t hate himself for sleeping over at Wade’s or staying up even later with the merc. He climbs up to Wade’s floor and peers into the window. The kitchen light is on, illuminating the lounge room. Peter pushes himself up on his toes, keeping the squat position to get a look over the edge of the couch. Wade isn’t there, despite the TV being on. 

Peter screws up his face a little and knocks on the glass. He waits for a few moments and when Wade fails to come out of hiding, he knocks again, louder this time. Still, Wade doesn’t show up and Peter’s gut twists into a knot. He pulls the window open, knowing fully that it’s unlocked, but usually, he wouldn’t just barge in.

“Wade?”

He hears a muffled curse, his heightened hearing picking it up and he lifts his head to stare at the closed bathroom door. Light seeps out from under the door and Peter cautiously climbs over the windowsill, closing it behind him again.

“Hey, baby boy! I uh,  _ fuck _ , I’ll be out in a moment,” Wade calls back. 

Peter frowns; his voice sounded pained. Peter moves over to the bathroom, noticing that the door wasn’t closed completely. He rests his palm against it but pauses.

“Are you okay?” Wade makes a humming noise, but Peter can hear the small pained noises he’s trying to keep under his breath. “Wade…”

“You really don’t wanna come in here, baby boy. It’s… a mess.” Wade mumbles, letting out a deep sigh. Peter swallows thickly and starts to push on the door.

“If you don’t want me to come in I won’t, otherwise I’m going to.”

He hears Wade sigh again and pauses, almost not letting himself breathe as he waits for Wade’s response.

“Like I said, it’s a fucking  _ mess _ in here,” Wade repeats. 

That’s not a  _ no _ though, so Peter pushes the door open slowly.

A mess is probably the biggest understatement. Peter feels his throat clog up and has to take a moment to collect himself, turning his head away from the sight as he tries to ignore the bile crawling up his throat. He hears Wade mutter a low ‘ _ told ya _ ’ but he ignores it as he lifts his head again, sucking in a breath before he looks back into the room.

It looks like a massacre happened in there. There’s blood covering the floor almost completely, some of it even on the walls. Wade’s slumped back in the bathtub, head thrown back against the wall. He’s missing his left leg and there’s a massive gash in his chest, going down to his right side. He’s still bleeding profusely into the tub that’s empty besides the pool of his own blood. Peter takes in a shaky breath as he notices the discarded, dirty medical supplies, like Wade, had tried to fix himself up a little and gave up halfway through.

“What happened?”

He hadn’t noticed any blood through the apartment, which means there either wasn’t any or he really wasn’t paying attention. Wade lets out a huff of breath and shifts in the bath a little, hissing as the movement tugs at his wound.

“I uh… bad guys, y’know how it is, baby boy.” Wade grunts. Peter swallows thickly and looks over the mess again.

“Is… is there anything I can do to help?” Peter says as he steps over the blood on the floor, picking up the medical supplies.

“No, no, it’s okay Spidey, you don’t have to get yourself all bloodied up for me. I’ll heal.” Wade tries to offer him a smile, but even Wade can’t hide the pain from his face. It’s then that Peter notices he’s not wearing his mask and there’s blood on the side of his face. He’s scared to ask.

“I want to help… if you’ll let me.” Peter offers as he kicks the bathroom door closed and sits in a clean spot on the edge of the tub. Wade chews his lip and looks down his body.

“Are you sure?” Wade raises an eyebrow ridge. Peter gives a small nod.

“Anything I can do to help,” Peter says as he starts going through the supplies. 

Wade’s still in the remains of his suit, but with wounds like his, taking it off normally would be excruciating and Peter doesn’t want to put him through any more pain than what he already is in. He finds a pair of scissors and holds them up.

“Sorry, I’m gonna have to destroy your suit further,” he says as he turns more into the bath. Wade shrugs and goes to sit up, only for Peter to press his hand to his shoulder and lay him back. “Stay still, I’ve got this.”

It takes a while, the procedure isn’t easy with how much mess and shit is going on with Wade’s suit and body, but eventually, Peter has Wade naked in the bath. His leg is slowly growing back, the stump continuing to bleed far too much and Peter’s not sure how Wade is even still conscious right now. The wound in his chest doesn’t look like it’s improving at all. He bites his lip and looks at the minimal amounts of already somewhat dirty alcohol wipes and scrubs. Wade makes a hand gesture to the shower hose.

“Just use that,” he says, and Peter physically cringes at the idea.

“That’ll fucking hurt - ”

“I’ll be fine,” Wade assures. Peter knows his options are limited.

He sighs, standing up from the edge of the bath to unhook the nozzle from the wall. He turns the water on low, aiming it down to Wade’s feet  - well  _ foot _ - as he lets it heat up somewhat. Keeping the pressure low, he lifts the hose and holds it over Wade’s shoulder. As soon as the water makes contact with the wound, Wade’s hissing and his body is twisting slightly away from the feeling. Peter’s stomach sinks and he goes to pull the nozzle away but Wade reaches out and grips his hand.

“It’s o-okay. Just,  _ fuck _ , stings.”

“Of course it does, Wade, this wound is fucking massive.” Peter stresses. Wade just laughs.

“I’ve had worse, baby.” He sucks in a deep breath and closes his eyes. Peter chews his bottom lip and slowly moves the spray of water over Wade’s body.

He hates to see Wade in pain, but there’s no way he could even begin to stitch the gash up without cleaning it up. The blood has already clotted around the wound a little and so Peter reluctantly has to wipe it down to help the water clean it up. He carefully runs his hand over the wound where the water flow hits, ignoring Wade’s pained noises as he works as quickly as he can to clean the wound. It continues to bleed, but at least it’s not filthy once Peter’s finished with it. He cleans off his gloved hand as best he can before he grabs the needle and stitches.

“You’re uh, you’re gonna have to be pretty fast with the stitches otherwise my healing factor is gonna be your worst nightmare,” Wade notes as he stares down at his chest when Peter’s fingers are hovering over his skin, ready to get started. Peter nods.

“I can work fast. I’ve stitched myself up enough times.” He offers. 

Wade hums in acknowledgement of his words before he closes his eyes again and lets Peter work. The first push and tug of the stitching is awkward and has Wade hissing more. But once Peter has the technique down the process is pretty quick. He’s almost finished stitching Wade up when the older clears his throat and shifts a little.

“So, um… what brings you here anyway?” Wade asks. 

Peter chews his bottom lip. This wasn’t really how he wanted to bring up this conversation, but he might as well go for it now. After all, Wade couldn’t try to avoid the conversation while Peter had a needle pressed into his skin.

“I’ve been thinking about how to deal with my friends and family wanting to meet you,” He starts. Wade lets out a small sigh and lifts his hand to rub at his eyes.

“Okay, I’m hoping you came up with something that doesn’t actually involve me meeting them,” Wade says as he looks down at the work Peter had done. Peter sighs and finishes off the last stitch, tying it off and cutting the thread before he sits up. Wade pokes at the closed wound. “Nice job.”

“Thanks.” Peter huffs as he turns away to place the items back in the bloody mess that is Wade’s first aid kit. He’ll clean that up later. “Anyway, I did.”

“Oh?”

“I’m gonna have someone pose as you, just until y’know… you’re comfortable with meeting them or whatever.” Peter shrugs. 

He drops his gaze, looking down Wade’s body. His leg was half grown back already. He chews his bottom lip as he lifts his gaze again to Wade’s face. Wade manages to keep his face neutral, not showing any tells of how he feels about that.

“Okay, do you have someone to do it?” Wade asks. Peter can’t figure out anything from his tone of voice either.

“Daredevil.” He doesn’t want to tell Wade Matt’s name, because that wasn’t his choice to make. He expected Matt to keep his name to himself, so he, in turn, should do the same. Wade blinks up at him before he gives a slight nod.

“Smart, I guess. So what, he knows your name now?” And something about it sounds defensive. Peter frowns.

“Well yeah, the problem with you not being able to meet them is because you don’t know my name. Would be pretty counterproductive if I didn’t tell him my name,” Peter states. 

Wade drops his gaze but otherwise doesn’t show any other reaction. He’s making it really hard for Peter to get a read on him.

“Do you know his?” Wade continues to ask.

“Yes.” Peter sits on the edge of the bath again. “Fair is fair.”

He doesn’t mean for it to be a jab. But it sort of sounds like one. Wade still doesn’t react to it either way. He takes in a shaky breath and pushes himself up in the bath, hissing at the pain it causes in his chest. He rubs his leg above where it’s still growing back.

“Probably for the best,” he mumbles. Peter frowns and leans forward a little.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Y’know, that you’ve got a beard, so they can stop pestering you about me.” Wade shrugs. He still sounds almost like he’s getting angry about the fact that Peter was doing this.

“You didn’t really leave me with many options, Wade,” Peter says, getting defensive back. 

Wade didn’t have the right to get snarky with him when this whole problem had started simply because he refused to let Peter tell him his name. Wade holds his hands up and looks up at Peter.

“Hey, I’m not having a go at you, I legitimately think this is a good idea,” Wade says. 

Peter looks him over, but he still can’t figure out what Wade actually thinks or feels about this. And he really hated that.

“Why can’t you just let me tell you?” Peter sighs, his shoulder sagging. 

Wade lets out a heavy sigh and reaches up to cup Peter’s cheek, his hand somehow mostly clean. He rubs his thumb into Peter’s skin as he stares into Peter’s eyes.

“I’m sorry, baby.” Peter sighs and closes his eyes. He gives a small nod. Wade leans into him and presses a chaste kiss to his lips. “Thanks for helping me. I can deal with the rest of this.”

Peter looks down Wade’s body to see his leg has almost fully healed. He looks to the mess of the bathroom and shakes his head. “I’ll clean up.”

“Honestly, Spidey, you don’t have to,” Wade tries but Peter’s already standing up and waving him off.

“Do you have a mop or something?” Peter asks. Wade sighs and leans back in the bath.

“Yeah, room across the hall, keep all the cleaning supplies in there.” Wade offers. Peter nods, about to walk off before he remembers the lack of blood throughout the apartment.

“How’d you get in here without y’know… making a mess everywhere else?” Peter asks. 

Wade lifts his hand and points to the bathroom window, which Peter hadn’t really taken note of. There’s blood running down from the sill, all the way to the floor from which he can only guess Wade must have pulled himself through. Peter gives a nod, mumbling a low ‘ _ oh _ ’ before he leaves the room to go find a mop.

Wade closes his eyes again and smacks the back of his head against the edge of the bath. He lets out a heavy sigh, rubbing at his eyes.

[You’ve really fucked this one up, haven’t you?] The white box scoffs. Wade opens his eyes, staring up at the ceiling miserably. He lifts his other hand and pressing his fingers to the mark in his chest.

“It’s for the best,” Wade mutters.

{Yeah, maybe he’ll fall in love with Daredevil and he’ll be happier.}

[But at what cost?] The white box sounds angry and Wade can’t blame it. He swallows thickly as he closes his eyes again and tries not to let himself get worked up over it.

“It’s for the best,” He repeats, trying to convince himself.


	18. Chapter 18

Peter is beyond nervous. He doubts they’d be able to see through his lie, and he and Matt have talked through their ‘story’ a few times to make sure they both knew exactly what page to be on. But that didn’t mean that he wasn’t freaking out about them meeting him. Because he wasn’t Wade, and things with him felt like they were getting weird and he didn’t know if this had something to do with it. Wade had tried countless times to tell Peter that he was okay with the idea, that he thought it was smart, but it did nothing to calm his mind. Matt had tried to help relax him as well, but he couldn’t stop thinking something was going to go wrong. No time to stress over it now.

Matt meets him at the café nearly half an hour earlier then he’d organised for MJ and Harry to show. Just so they could run through everything one more time. Matt smiles up at him in a weird kind of way that has Peter’s rambling coming to a stop.

“What?” 

Matt shakes his head before he leans back in his seat a little.

“You worry too much.” He chuckles. 

Peter drops his gaze to the table. He knew that.

“It’s just… what if they don’t buy it?” He feels fear start to clog up his throat again. Matt scoffs and shakes his head.

“Relax, okay? It’s not like we have to prance around for them. Just act casual and everything will be fine.” It should be reassuring. It’s not. “You did tell them I’m blind, right?”

“Yeah, they’re impressed with your skills as a blind barista.” Peter huffs. Matt chuckles again and leans forward in his seat, folding his arms over the table.

“I’ve got a story down for how that works if they ask, just in case.”

“I hadn’t even thought about it,” Peter says in a small voice. Good thing Matt had.

“You’ve been worrying your head off about everything else, that’s why,” Matt says. He’s right. Peter sighs and deflates in his chair. Matt’s hand comes to rest on his bicep. “Just breathe.”

“We’re gonna have to do this again with May.” Peter realises, groaning softly as he runs his hands down his face.

“It’ll be easier the second time.” He’s not sure if he believes it.

Soon enough, the time comes, and Peter sees Harry leading MJ over to them. They’re both smiling wide at him and Peter almost wants to shrink back into his chair. Matt lifts his head a little.

“They’re here?” he asks, and Peter looks back to him, frowning slightly.

“How do you know that?”

“You tensed up again,” Matt offers with a light shrug. 

Peter wants to ask how he does that, but it’s for another day. Peter instead gets out of his seat as MJ and Harry come up to their table. Matt stands up as well and Peter’s nerves only settle more uncomfortably in his gut. Matt’s hand lightly brushes his wrist, a short but simple action. Peter remembers to keep breathing a little easier.

“Hey.” MJ draws the word out a little, her excitement clear in her voice. 

She’s been dying to meet ‘Wade’. Peter has to remember that Matt’s meant to be playing him. He smiles at her and steps into her offering hug.

“Hi,” he responds, lifting his gaze to Harry from over her shoulder. As soon as MJ’s pulled away, Harry’s wrapping an arm around Peter’s shoulders.

“Good to see you, Pete.”

“Yeah, you too.” Peter swallows and turns to Matt, reaching his hand out to grab his own. Matt’s smiling back at them and Peter knows he can somewhat make out shapes and all that, so he wonders how much of them he can see right now. “MJ, Harry, this is Wade.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Matt says and Peter wonders if Wade was actually here if he’d act like this around Peter’s friends. Because Wade could be a bit of a slob and he liked to make sure people knew he didn’t take things seriously, but he could be polite. Wade’s personality was something Peter was struggling to figure out properly  _ still _ .

“The pleasure is ours,” MJ says, clasping Matt’s hand in her own when he offers it to her. 

Harry does the same before they take their seats. MJ keeps flashing Peter these  _ looks _ that he knows she wouldn’t be giving him in public if ‘Wade’ wasn’t blind. Peter suspects that Matt can probably sense them or something.

“So, Peter’s told me a bit about you two, it’s nice to finally meet the people who support him so much,” Matt starts, and Peter tries not to swallow noticeably.

“Well, someone has to look out for him when he can’t look after himself,” Harry teases and Peter glares up at him.

“Yes, he’s fond of finding trouble, isn’t he?” Matt hums as he tilts his head towards Peter. Peter huffs out a breath and shakes his head.

“I’m not that bad,” he argues.

“Pete, you’re  _ that bad _ .” Harry scoffs. Peter rolls his eyes at him.

“So, Peter hasn’t told us much about you, but I have to say when he told us you were a blind barista, I was very impressed,” MJ says, leaning her elbows on the table like she’s trying to get closer to Matt to prove her interest. Matt chuckles, running a hand through his hair as he sits up straighter.

“Trust me, it was not easy learning. But my Dad was crazy passionate about coffee and I… I guess I just wanted to follow in his footsteps.” Matt shrugs his shoulder lightly.

“I’d love to see you work,” MJ continues, and Peter starts internally panicking. Matt chuckles again like this was fine. This was not.

“Maybe sometime. I don’t work a lot of hours and they’re usually at awkward times,” Matt offers. MJ clicks her tongue.

“Hopefully one day,” she says, sounding like she was going to let the conversation drop there, and thank God because Peter didn’t want her trying to dig deeper into that.

“So, how’d you meet? Peter said it was through work?” Harry asks, leaning on the table more.

“A family member wanted some photos edited and I’d heard word about Peter’s work and thought, I’d give it a try. Doesn’t help that I couldn’t see what the photos were or what he did with them, but they were pleased with what he produced,” Matt offers. An easy enough story, one that Matt had come up with.

“And that was just it?”

“Well no, I mean, I’ve had this with previous relationships where I just sort of feel drawn toward the person and I’ve gotta say, Peter does have a lovely voice,” Matt says. 

Peter chews the inside of his lip and keeps his gaze on the table. Wade said that about him too but Peter hadn’t told Matt that.

“But, I’m not one to jump on the idea of instantly throwing myself into a possible relationship. My cousin got married recently and I was going to recommend Peter’s work to see if I could get some more business out of him. But he showed up at the café I work at a few days later and when he asked me out, I couldn’t exactly say no.” Matt turns his head to face Peter completely. 

Peter chews the inside of his bottom lip. It was a cute enough story. Almost enough to make him wish it was real.

“Aw, that’s so sweet.” MJ coos. Peter waves her off, trying not to get embarrassed over something that’s not real.

“So, what, did you just stalk him or something? How’d you find out where he works?” Harry asks, wriggling his eyebrows at Peter. 

Peter feels like his nerves are on fire again. They’d talked this through so many times and yet he still felt like he was going to fuck it up.

“I was working in the area for a photo shoot and decided I wanted a coffee and he happened to be working, and I knew I had to give it a shot.” Peter shrugs. Lying about all this was making him think of Wade, which was making it hard to seem like he was happy.

“You two are adorable.” MJ giggles and Peter ducks his head again.

“Shut up,” he mumbles. Matt’s hand rests over his on his thigh and he knows it’s more for comfort than for show, but it doesn’t help.

“So,” Matt speaks up, drawing the attention back to him, not that it really was diverted in the first place. “What about you two? You’re the CEO of Oscorp and you’re an actress, you’re both far more interesting than me.”

And just like that, the conversation is off in a much easier direction. Peter knows their stories, so he can sort of just faze into the background of the conversation. It gives him more time to think about Wade and he realises at probably the worst time possible, that he’s completely fucking smitten and hung up on him. His chest feels tight and his gut churns. He misses him, he wants him here, not Matt trying to pretend to be him. He isn’t just in love with Wade, he feels like maybe he’d become dependent of him. He wants Wade in his life.

There’s a part of him that wants Wade to stay with him  _ forever _ . And the realisation has Peter’s chest tightening on itself.


	19. Chapter 19

Peter feels very out of sorts once they finish hanging out with Harry and MJ. There’s a lot he’s feeling and far too much he’s thinking. He holds Matt’s hand long after he needs to because MJ and Harry have  _ left _ and it’s not like they need to layer on the boyfriend act that thick, they were pretty believable. But Peter just isn’t thinking anymore and so he barely notices that he’s still holding Matt’s hand until they get to a cross section and Matt suddenly stops. Peter snaps out of his trance, having to look around quickly to figure out where he is before he looks back to Matt. He’s offering Peter a soft smile.

“I’m sorry, today couldn’t have been easy for you,” Matt says and Peter feels an uneasy feeling in his gut. He drops his gaze and chews his bottom lip.

“It’s not your fault, you played the part. Thank you so much for helping me out.” Peter deflates. Matt lets out a noise and steps closer to Peter, resting his hand on his shoulder.

“I know it’s not, I’m just sorry that Wade wasn’t actually there. I could tell that you wanted it to be him,” Matt offers. Peter closes his eyes and gives a small nod, though he’s not sure if Matt can sense it or feel the movement from the hold he has on his shoulder.

“I did… and that’s not your fault. Matt, you’re a really sweet guy - ”

“Peter,” Matt cuts in with a chuckle. “Wade’s your boyfriend, of course you wanted him there. I’m not offended at all. I wish I didn’t have to play the part for you. But… I understand Wade’s choice, like I know you do.”

“Just because I understand it doesn’t mean I like it,” Peter mumbles.

“I don’t think Wade really likes it either,” Matt states with a small shrug. 

Peter chews his bottom lip. He knew that Matt was right. He could tell that Wade wasn’t happy with his own choice, but it was the choice he made because he wanted to keep Peter safe. And no matter how frustrated that made Peter, he couldn’t help but feel nice inside at the idea that Wade was that protective of him.

“Anyway, thank you for today. I’ll have to repay you.”

“Why? You paid for my meal and drinks today, which you didn’t have to, but if there’s any payment required, it’s been taken care of,” Matt shrugs him off. 

Peter sucks in a deep breath. That’s probably the best he’ll get for now, but he’ll forever keep it in his mind that he has to do something for Matt in return for this.

“Okay, we’re even for now. But you’ll probably have to meet my Aunt too…” He grinds his teeth a little in a grimace. Matt pats his shoulder lightly before he drops his hand away.

“We’ll worry about that when the time comes, though with all the lovely things MJ and Harry were saying, I can’t wait to meet her,” Matt offers. Peter nods his head. There’s a beat of silence before Matt holds out his hand. Peter shakes it, still trying to calm his nerves.

“Thank you for lunch, I’ll see you soon, okay?” Matt offers and Peter bites his bottom lip.

“Do you want me to walk you home?” He just  _ knows _ Matt is rolling his eyes at him.

Matt shakes his head. “I’m blind, not useless.”

“I’m just trying to be polite.” Peter offers, shrugging his shoulders even though Matt won’t see the action.

“Go see Wade, I know you’re itching to,” Matt offers before he turns away. “Tell him I said hi, and that he missed an amazing lunch.”

Peter huffs out a breath and watches as Matt leaves. He could go to Wade’s, the chances of him being there… Peter wasn’t really sure what the odds were honestly, but he did want to see the merc. He quickly looks around, seeing if anyone was paying any attention to him before he turns and heads into the alley behind him. He checks his web shooters before he pulls his mask from the back pocket of his jeans. Good thing spandex is easy to roll up. He pulls it on and scales the wall of the alley and pulls himself onto the roof. He peers over the edge of the building, but Matt’s already gone. Peter pushes the thought away and leaps from the building, shooting out a web before he swings through the city.

\- - -

Peter knocks on the window of Wade’s apartment, keeping crouched on the fire escape. At this time of day, and without his full suit, he could probably use the door. But at least this way Wade would know it was him and he wouldn’t have to worry about Wade pulling a gun on him. He really didn’t trust anyone, and something about that made Peter feel some kind of semblance of pity. Wade pokes his head into the lounge, notices that it’s Peter and waves for him to come in. Because of course the window isn’t locked. The moment Peter’s inside, he pulls his mask off and offers Wade a small smile.

“Hey.”

“Hey, how’d it go?” Wade asks. Peter’s a little surprised to see that Wade’s only wearing pants and nothing else. Peter shrugs.

“They bought it, didn’t ask us to kiss in front of them, thank God, and uh… lunch was good.” Peter shrugs. 

Wade’s shoulder twitches weirdly and he makes a weird face. The boxes said something he doesn’t like, but Peter knows better than to ask. It was a tell though, Peter’s had to learn those.

“Why would they have asked that?” Wade asks, and he sounds amused but Peter isn’t sure it’s genuine.

“I don’t know, I was kind of panicking the whole time okay? And… it really sucked it wasn’t you there,” Peter mumbles, dropping his gaze. He fiddles with his mask. Wade steps up to him and takes it from his hands and chucks it onto the back of the couch.

“I’m sorry.” Wade sighs as he rests his hands on Peter’s hips. Peter shrugs and lifts his arms to wrap them around Wade’s neck. He lightly brushes his thumbs into the back of Wade’s head as he smiles up at him.

“It’s okay, I get it. Though I am capable of looking after myself,” Peter states. Wade huffs out a breath and leans into him. Peter pushes up onto his toes to get that extra height as he cups the back of Wade’s head. The kiss is short but sweet and exactly what Peter needed.

“I know you are, baby boy, but I’d rather be safe than sorry… especially when it comes to you.” Wade mumbles the last bit a little, but Peter still hears it fine. It makes his chest feel like it tightens. Peter chews his bottom lip and drops his gaze to their feet.

“Wade…” Peter pauses, unsure what he’d even wanted to say. 

The fact that Wade cared that much made his heart feel like it was going to beat out of his chest. He knew that the merc cared, because of course he did, but hearing it made it so much better. Wade rubs his thumbs into Peter’s hips and drops his own gaze.

“I really do love you,” Wade mumbles softly. 

Peter tries not to make an audible noise of his breath catching in his chest, but he’s sure Wade hears it anyway. Peter tilts Wade’s head up and kisses him again, just as soft but he lets it linger longer. Wade’s hands move around his back, pressing into his body to pull them closer together.

“I love you too,” Peter whispers when they part, his chest heaving with soft pants. 

Wade really made him feel amazing, in ways that no one ever had before. It almost felt like this feeling was somehow being amplified. Wade nuzzles his nose against Peter’s and bites the inside of his cheek.

“So, what do you wanna do?” Wade asks and Peter smiles softly, more to himself than Wade as he pulls away. He purses his lips like he’s in thought, even though he already has an idea.

“I know I already had lunch, but you’ll be surprised how much I can eat - ”

“Oh no, I’ve  _ seen _ what you can pack away baby.” Wade cuts in with a chuckle. Peter thumps his arm lightly and Wade makes a noise like it’d actually hurt. Peter knows it didn’t.

“Anyway, wanna go get some street food and sit on top of the Oscorp tower while we eat?” Peter asks, raising an eyebrow. Wade hums and leans in to peck Peter’s lips again.

“That sounds nice,” He agrees, and Peter’s smile brightens. He pulls away from Wade and gestures to the bedroom.

“Not that I personally want you to, but you’ll have to wear at least a shirt. I hate those assholes who think they can walk around shirtless just because they think… whatever they think. Makes me wanna punch them,” Peter states. Wade hums and averts his eyes to his bare chest.

“Not like I’d ever leave this place shirtless.” Wade scoffs as he drops his arms from Peter’s back and turns from him. 

Peter’s smile falls a little as he watches Wade head for his room. Obviously, he understood more than anything why Wade hated his appearance, he’d hate himself too if he looked like a burn victim. He was just glad that Wade was at least comfortable enough around him not to cover up when they were alone together.

When Wade comes out of his room, he’s not wearing a thick jumper like Peter would have thought. He does have a cap in his hands, but he’s wearing a short sleeve shirt. Peter tries not to grin too wide. Drawing attention to it would only make Wade want to change. Peter lifts his gaze instantly and holds out his hand. Wade locks their fingers together and for the first time, they leave through the front door and head out.

Despite some of the stares they get, especially once Wade throws his arm around Peter’s shoulder to keep him pressed into his side, they don’t get too much attention and Wade’s mood doesn’t change. Even the guy who serves them their food doesn’t stare for too long and actually offers a nice conversation without asking about it. Peter’s more than relieved and he files the afternoon away in his head as one of his top ten favourite days with Wade.


	20. Chapter 20

It’s nearly a week later when Peter finally organises to introduce ‘Wade’ to May. He’s not looking forward to it more than he was when he met up with MJ and Harry, but it had to be done. He gives Matt the time and place and he’s all too happy to be there for it. He gloats about how excited he is to try her cooking, knowing that she was going to do something special because Peter had mentioned she would.

They’re going to her place for dinner tomorrow night. Peter’s been at Wade’s all day, trying to stifle the nerves. It wasn’t happening. He hadn’t voiced his concerns too much, well at least he’d tried to keep his complaining to a minimum, but he wasn’t sure how much he’d actually ranted on. And his nervous energy was obvious. He’d thought going on patrol would help but he just projected his nerves onto the crooks he was beating up and even stumbles over himself when he’s trying to talk to the cops. Wade drags him away before he gets too flustered about the situation.

“Okay, you know what you need? You need something that you can completely focus on that’ll take your mind off this,” Wade offers as he pulls himself through his apartment window, Peter already inside pulling his mask off. Peter sighs and rests against the back of Wade’s couch, rubbing at his eyes.

“Sorry, it’s just she knows me so well,  _ better _ than Harry and MJ and I know they bought it but what if she sees right through it,” Peter mumbles as he keeps the balls of his palms pressed against his eyes. He lets out a deep sigh and shakes his head softly. “Oh God, she’s gonna know.”

“No, she’s not,” Wade says, trying to keep the exasperation from his voice. 

He was being as patient as he possibly could, since it was kind of his fault that this was even happening. Peter makes a pathetic noise of self-pity. Wade steps up to him as he loosens his belt, pulling it off to drop it onto the floor. Peter’s too distracted to even tell him to leave it somewhere appropriate. Wade rests his hands on Peter’s hips and fiddles with the seam of his suit.

“Baby,” Wade mumbles, his voice a lot lower and softer than it has been all day. Peter pulls his hands away from his face and looks up at the older man. Wade works his fingers under the seam of his suit and starts slowly, inch by inch lifting it up Peter’s body. “I know exactly what’ll get your mind off it.”

Peter chews his bottom lip and drops his gaze to watch Wade’s hands tugging at the spandex of his suit. He closes his eyes and takes in a slow breath. Wade pauses and makes a small humming noise like he’s asking Peter if it’s okay for him to continue. Peter gives him a slow nod. “Okay.”

He pushes off the couch and helps Wade get the top half of his suit off. Wade’s eyes trail down his torso, drinking in the sight slowly as Peter drops the clothing off to the side. And that’s how stressed out he is, he doesn’t even make a point to make sure it lands on the couch. Wade doesn’t comment on it as he works off his holsters and drops his arsenal to the floor before he gets the top of his own suit off.

“C’mere, baby boy.” Wade hums as he holds out his hands. Peter lets out a deep breath before he steps up to Wade, wrapping his arms around his neck as Wade hoists him up against his body.

His legs lock around Wade’s waist as he cups the back of Wade’s head with one hand and the other drapes over his back lazily. Wade holds him up under his ass and with a hand to the centre of his back. Peter leans down into him and Wade eagerly kisses him back. Peter’s chest tightens and there’s a spike of arousal in his gut as Wade’s grip tightens like he’s trying to pull Peter impossibly closer to him.

Wade backs up through the apartment and Peter’s glad there’s nothing between them and Wade’s bedroom for him to run into. He backs into the door, which isn’t shut tight and kicks it open. He carries Peter over to the bed and effortlessly drops him down into the centre. Peter’s instantly reaching for the pants of his suit and pulling them down his legs. Wade’s removing his own in the same beat. As soon as the clothing is discarded, Wade’s stepping up to the dresser and pulling a bottle of lube from the top drawer. He drops it beside Peter before he crawls over him, boxing the younger in against the mattress. Peter wraps his arms around Wade’s neck and pulls him in for another kiss. It’s still soft, but it’s more eager now, lust gripping the both of them by their cores. Wade’s hand comes to rest on Peter’s side, fingers lightly digging into Peter’s ribs before he slowly slides his arm lower, rough fingers against smooth skin making Peter squirm.

Wade takes Peter’s cock in his hand and gives him a few slow, firm strokes. Peter moans in the back of his throat, pulling Wade harder against his body. He can feel Wade’s smirk against his lips and he makes another low noise at how smug Wade got, even while they were in bed. Wade strokes him until the head of his cock is wet with pre-come, and his toes are curling into the mattress. Wade pulls back then, breaking the kiss with a small wet pop and a strand of spit. He pushes himself up onto his haunches and picks up the lube. Peter shifts a little, positioning a pillow under his head as he watches Wade slick up his fingers.

“You gonna be too tense for me to even get in there?” Wade asks in a teasing tone. Peter rolls his eyes before he shoots Wade an annoyed glare. Wade leans into him and pecks the frown on his lips. “Just relax, don’t think about anything else other than how good I’m gonna make you feel.”

Peter wants to come back with a remark about how snobby that statement was. But they both know that Wade will make him feel good, that Wade’s going to have him squirming and begging for more before he even gives him his cock. Because Wade has always made Peter feel good and, in return, Peter has done the same for Wade. So instead, he lays back slightly and spreads his legs wider when Wade lowers his hands between his thighs.

Wade prods a little at first like he is expecting Peter to be far too tense to even attempt. Peter closes his eyes and takes in slow breaths to try and ease himself. Wade’s finger messages his rim slowly before he starts applying pressure. Peter bites into his bottom lip as Wade’s finger easily slides into his body. And already he was feeling better. It was almost incredible how good Wade made him feel and how relaxed he could get him.

“Look at you, you take it so well baby.” Wade praises and Peter’s breath hitches slightly from it. Wade knew that the praise got to him. He opens his eyes a little and looks down at his boyfriend, shifting his hips down against Wade’s hand a little.

“I could say the same for you,” Peter notes. Wade smirks and pulls his finger back before he presses two against Peter’s rim.

“Yeah but I’ve been doing this a lot longer than you have,” Wade states before he starts sliding his fingers back into Peter’s body. Peter sucks in a deep breath, his back arching a little as he tries to adjust to the feeling.

Wade keeps his fingers straight, holding them still and as deep as he can inside Peter. He gives Peter a moment to fidget until he’s comfortable again before he starts moving them. He pulls them back slowly before he pushes them in just as easily again. The movements are slow but firm and every time that Wade’s knuckles press to Peter’s rim it makes Peter want to moan out loud just so Wade knew how good it felt. Then Wade curls his fingers up into Peter’s prostate and it’s like something pops behind his eyes, ruining Peter’s focus for a second as he lets out a string of noise. He manages to open his eyes again and look down at Wade to see him smirking as he continues to finger Peter open.

He continues to curl them every so often, and then he starts to spread them inside Peter. And it always feels incredible when he does, stretching Peter wider each time. Peter starts to squirm again, making low whimpering noises to himself whenever Wade stimulates his prostate. A coiling feeling starts to build in his gut and Peter gasps when Wade easily gets a third finger inside him.

“Babe…” Peter sighs as he tips his head back into the pillow. 

Wade hums like he’s expecting Peter to have something to say after that. Peter squirms more as he drops his hand to stroke his cock. He squeezes the base firmly before he slowly starts pumping his fist to get some form of relief. Wade retracts his fingers and Peter manages to open his eyes, but they’re a little unfocused.

“Can you get up for me? I want you to ride me,” Wade prompts and Peter smirks slightly. 

Wade loves having Peter sat on his cock, and Peter couldn’t deny that having that control felt amazing. He loved it whenever Wade rode him too, so he could understand the want. Though he won’t ever pass up a chance to take Wade against a wall.

Peter pushes himself up, reaching out to grab the back of Wade’s neck before they move too much to pull him in for another firm kiss. Wade wraps his arm around Peter’s waist and pulls him in closer to his body. Peter moves until he’s basically sat in Wade’s lap, holding him as tight as he can against his body. Wade grips his thigh like he wants to pull him closer still as he grinds into Peter’s body. Peter digs his knees into the mattress and twists his body, forcing Wade to move with him. He pushes Wade back onto the bed in the place that he’s just been laying. He follows him down, keeping their lips locked together as he sits firmly on Wade’s waist. Wade’s hands roam over his back, his nails lightly scratching into his skin when his fingers dig into him a little.

Peter’s own fingers dig lightly into Wade’s chest as he deepens the kiss, using more force as he ruts against him. Wade rolls his own hips up into Peter’s body too, grabbing ahold of his ass to pull him down harder. The pace starts to pick up and get rough. Wade’s unable to keep his hands still, gripping Peter’s body everywhere, tugging on his hair occasionally when he’s not forcing his hips down harder against his own. Peter manages to break the kiss, panting heavily to try and regain his breath so that he’s not too light headed from it. Peter swallows thickly, licking his lips as he looks down at Wade with a sideways smirk. Wade smiles up at him in return, his hand falling from Peter’s hair to cup his cheek.

“You’re pretty good at setting the mood, baby boy,” Wade notes and Peter chuckles softly.

“Yeah? Well don’t give me those love-sick eyes and ruin my hard work,” Peter mumbles as he pushes himself away from Wade’s body again. 

Wade chuckles and slides his hands down Peter’s sides to his hips. Peter squirms a little until he’s in the right spot, curving his spine a little as he grinds his ass down against Wade’s cock.

“You’ve definitely gotten something hard.” Wade hums and Peter rolls his eyes. He holds out his hand and nods to the lube beside Wade’s shoulder.

“Pass me that,” He prompts. Wade pops the cap for it before he hands it over.

Peter drizzles a small amount onto his palm before he reaches back and coats Wade’s cock with it. He closes the lid and passes it back to Wade as he gives the merc a few firm strokes to make sure that he’s properly coated. He holds the base of Wade’s cock, pointing it up as he lowers himself over it. He grinds down onto Wade, feeling the wet head slide over his hole. Wade watches him, staring back into his eyes as he slowly lowers himself onto Wade’s cock. Peter’s eyes roll closed and his breath hitches as he takes the length. The moment he’s sat in Wade’s lap his entire body feels like it relaxes. This was exactly what he needed. He takes a moment to let his body get used to the feeling, dropping his head forward to look at Wade. Wade lifts his hand and Peter leans down so that Wade can cup his face, thumb stroking over his cheek.

“You’re so gorgeous,” Wade mumbles and Peter chews his lip as discreetly as he can. 

He rests his hands against Wade’s chest and leans down all the way to kiss Wade softly. When he sits up again, he gives a small roll of his hips. He holds back a groan and listens to the noise Wade makes instead.

“You’re gorgeous too,” He states before he uses his arms to keep himself steady as he lifts himself from Wade’s lap. 

He almost pulls completely off of Wade’s lap, stopping with just the head of the merc’s cock inside him before he slowly sinks back down onto him. Peter tips his head back slightly, groaning softly. Wade’s hands keep hold of his hips, but his grip isn’t firm, so Peter can move as he pleases.

He starts slow but firm, lifting up almost all the way before he slowly takes Wade fully again. It always feels like Wade’s so much deeper than he usually is when he rides Wade, the extra weight of his own body pressing down on Wade’s cock making it feel different. He grinds his hips in slow circles against Wade’s every few minutes and it makes him moan softly every time as it presses Wade’s cock harder into his prostate.

Wade stares up at him, his eyes slightly unfocused as his cock is encased by the wet heat of Peter’s body. Peter knows that Wade loves watching him take him, loves being on the bottom even when he’s inside Peter. It’s got something to do with that sense of knowing that even though he’s the one giving pleasure, it’s not on his terms. Peter groans as he drops down a little harder on Wade’s cock, fucking a sound out of Wade’s body. Peter grins to himself, pleased with the noise. He shifts his knees, squeezing Wade’s waist a little as he curls his hands into fists and presses them harder into Wade’s chest. And Wade grips him tighter too and it makes a shiver run down Peter’s spine.

He picks up the pace, fucking himself harder and faster on Wade’s cock. His noises start to mingle with Wade’s own until he’s not sure who’s moaning louder. He knows that he’s making a lot of noise, but all he can hear, all he can feel is Wade, Wade,  _ Wade _ . His eyes roll closed as his mouth falls open slightly and he really starts bouncing on Wade’s cock.

“ _ Fuck _ , baby boy!” Wade’s voice breaks through his thoughts and it makes his thighs shake hearing how wrecked Wade sounds. 

It’s like he’s the one getting fucked, and maybe it feels that way, Peter could understand that, he sometimes felt that way himself when Wade pounded himself on his cock. Peter manages to open his eyes and get them to focus in on Wade.

Wade’s mouth is opening and closing like he’s trying to talk, but all that’s coming out is broken noises as his body jolts every time Peter slams back down onto his cock. Peter whimpers softly as he feels the build up in his gut.

“W-Wade,” Peter whimpers and Wade’s instantly pulling his hand away from Peter’s hip, knowing exactly what he needs. He takes Peter’s cock in his hand and starts stroking.

Peter moans softly, tipping his head back farther, leaning back to rest his hands on Wade’s thighs. The new angle has Wade’s cock pressing harder into Peter’s prostate and Peter can’t help but cry out from the extra stimulation. Wade jerks him off faster, causing Peter’s eyes to roll back again. He was close, it wasn’t going to take much to get him off now. Wade’s other hand presses to Peter’s stomach, nails lightly digging into his skin like he’s trying to hold onto Peter or guide him. Peter whimpers, feeling his body clenching around Wade’s cock.

“Wa-ade, f-fuck. Please,  _ W-ade _ !” Peter cries out, his back arching further as his hips snap forward. Wade thrusts his hips up into Peter’s body and he’s falling apart. He moans, his cock spurting come all over Wade’s body as his cock is stroked through it.

He shakes and whines as he drops his head forward and watches his come coat Wade’s skin. It’s not until he’s spent and Wade’s dropping his hand away that Peter’s body recoils and his tense muscles relax. He pushes himself forward so he doesn’t collapse back on Wade, catching himself with his hands on either side of Wade’s shoulders. He rolls his hips still, unable to keep up the full movement as his orgasm leaves him shaking. Wade grabs hold of his hips and moves him for him, still thrusting up into him as he chases his own release. Peter pants heavily as his eyes trail over Wade’s chest, taking in the mess he’d made.

His eyes stop over Wade’s sternum, his chest feeling like it tightens suddenly. At this point, he was  _ used _ to Wade’s scars, he knew what they looked like, what they felt like. He feels like suddenly everything is crashing down around him even as Wade continues to fuck him and it’s the worst feeling he’s ever had. He moves his hand without even thinking and strokes his thumb over the mark. It’s not a scar, it’s not raised or divot like. No, it’s like a blemish in Wade’s skin, which somehow stands out a little but Peter had never noticed.

Wade’s suddenly grabbing the back of Peter’s hair and pulling his head down slightly as he presses his face into the crook of Peter’s neck, crying out as he comes. Peter’s eyes roll closed at the feeling, but it doesn’t blow his mind being filled like it normally would. There’s an empty throbbing in his chest and it blocks out all the other feelings in his body. He knew exactly what that mark was, and he knows for a fact that Wade didn’t have it before. At least… not that he noticed. But if he did, he’d  _ lied _ .

Peter’s chest tightens and before he can stop it, there are tears filling his eyes. Wade’s mumbling into his ear, telling him how good he is and how much he loves him and Peter’s unable to even react. He doesn’t hold Wade back, but he’s unable to push him away. Wade’s fingers stroke through his hair and Peter nearly breaks down completely. By the time Wade’s come down from his orgasm, Peter feels completely numb. He’s not even crying anymore. Wade pulls back, tilting his head to press a chaste kiss to Peter’s lips. Peter doesn’t kiss back.

Wade looks up at him and Peter stares back into his blank eyes. He’d put all his trust into Wade, he thought that he was different. Wade obviously takes his lack of response as something related to his post-orgasmic high. The high he’d barely felt because all he could think about was the fact that Wade had  _ lied _ . He had a heartmate and they’d marked him and… Peter screws his eyes shut when Wade shifts him and mumbles something about getting a cloth to clean up before he presses a lingering kiss to Peter’s temple. It hurts so much that he doesn’t feel anything.

He curls up on his side the moment that Wade’s left the room, clutching Wade’s pillow desperately. He wants to forget or pretend he didn’t notice and go back to being stupid and naïve. He wants to pretend his mind is playing tricks on him and that it’s just another scar like he thought it was. He doesn’t want to believe it’s true, but he knows, deep in his heart that it is. He buries his face into Wade’s pillow as all the feelings that Wade had fought with him so that he could be better start rushing back. Only this time, Wade wasn’t going to be able to help him fix it.


	21. Chapter 21

Peter tries to act like everything’s fine. He’s not really sure why, clearly, he likes making himself suffer. He’d played the tired card last night and Wade had been nice enough not to push it and left him to sleep. Only he barely slept at all because all he could think about was everything that went wrong, trying to find out the reason why Wade had lied to him. He thought that Wade would have had the decency to tell him, after everything they’d been through together and everything that they shared. Maybe it was the reason Wade didn’t want to know his name. The idea makes Peter somehow feel  _ worse _ .

He makes the excuse that he has to drop something off into the office and that’s why he has to leave early. Though Wade does offer him breakfast and despite how much he wants to decline, he can’t help but think maybe this will be the last breakfast they share together. So, he sits down, and he lets Wade cook because he offers, but Peter stays silent the whole time. Even as they eat, he’s silent, the nagging thoughts in his head telling him to call Wade out on his lie fighting against the want to ignore the problem. As soon as he’s finished eating, he’s saying he has to go, and Wade pulls him in for a kiss before he’s able to leave. It makes it so much harder.

He doesn’t head home, though part of him wants to so that he can curl up and cry the day away. But even he knows that he can’t do that. So, he finds himself heading down to Hell’s Kitchen without really realising where his feet are taking him. Matt had given him his address only a few days ago and he was a little relieved. He finds himself on the fire escape of Matt’s apartment, looking in through the window. It’s still a little early, but Matt’s up and he’s sat in the kitchen, eating still. Peter feels bad for disturbing him, but he’s not sure what else to do. He knocks on the window, chewing his thumb nail nervously as he tries to hold back from crying more.

Matt’s obviously cautious, but he realises (somehow) that it’s Peter and comes over to open the window for him. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” He greets and Peter swallows down his stupid tears as he climbs into the apartment.

“I’m sorry for coming over unannounced and so early…” Peter mumbles but Matt waves it off.

“It’s fine, I’m guessing you’re just nervous about tonight?” Matt asks as he moves back over to his half-finished breakfast. Peter drops his gaze, chewing his bottom lip more. He’s already pushed so much onto Matt and now this. He stands there, hovering and moping to himself for obviously too long. “Peter? Is everything okay?”

Peter feels the tears building up, feels his throat closing up with the rising lump of emotion. He covers his mouth with his hand, unable to stop the pathetic sound he makes. Matt’s out of his chair almost instantly and moving over to him, carefully resting his hands on Peter’s biceps, clearly not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

“What happened?” He presses, and maybe he knows that Peter had been with Wade last night, maybe he doesn’t, but Peter suspects he probably knows. 

Peter shakes his head and wipes at his eyes. He hiccups on his sobs and he doesn’t even stop himself when he pulls Matt into his arms and buries his face into the man’s chest. Matt hugs him back, just as tight, and instantly starts trying to soothe him as best he can.

“H-he… fuck,” Peter chokes out, pressing his face harder into Matt’s shoulder like maybe he could disappear in it. He wished he could. “His chest… h-he… he f-found his heartm-mate.”

Peter sobs pathetically, he knows he sounds like a weak loser right now. Matt’s shoulders tense enough that Peter feels it and suddenly his grip is tightening further and Peter’s sobbing harder.

“Jesus, I’m so fucking sorry Peter,” Matt mumbles as he lifts a hand to stroke his fingers through Peter’s hair. Peter clings to him tighter as his body shakes.

“I… I thought t-that… I found the m-mark…”

“He didn’t tell you?” Matt asks, sounding more angry than anything else. Peter gives a weak shake of his head. Matt mumbles something under his breath that Peter thinks is a threat to Wade and it makes his chest tighten more. “I’m so sorry.”

“I… I didn’t say anything,” Peter admits. Matt slowly pulls away and holds Peter’s biceps tightly again.

“So, have you broken up with him?” He asks and Peter drops his gaze, feeling his heart squeeze itself at the suggestion. He hadn’t even considered that an option at all. He was just so hurt and upset it kind of had felt like Wade had broken up with him already.

“I  _ can’t _ . I-I don’t want to, I… Matt, I fucking  _ love _ him.” Peter sobs more, the realisation that he was so deeply in love with Wade that he couldn’t even let him go after he lied, crushing him. Matt lets out a small sigh and drops his head forward slightly.

“Peter… it’s not my business, but you came here for a reason…” Matt mumbles. Peter swallows thickly and nods his head. “How about we cancel dinner, and I know that’s not going to help but nor is going to your Aunt’s and pretending that everything’s okay. We need to sort this out,  _ you _ need to sort this out. With Wade.”

Peter’s shaking his head instantly. No, he just wanted to pretend it didn’t happen, he could do that. He just needed a day to figure it all out, sort out his thoughts and then he could go back to pretending Wade cared about him at all. It makes him wonder why Wade’s keeping him around. Maybe whoever they are was only expecting a one-night stand and then the mark happened, and they panicked, leaving him stuck with Peter-

“Peter please,” Matt cuts off his thoughts. “You can’t do this to yourself.”

“I love him.” Peter mumbles. Matt swallows thickly, Peter watches the way his throat moves with it.

“If Wade couldn’t even be honest with you about this, he’s not worth it. Peter, and I’m sorry to say it… but maybe he doesn’t love you as much as he says.” Matt shrugs.

Peter shakes his head furiously. “No… I…” There’s nothing to say. He can’t defend Wade, it hurts too much. He just wanted to be happy, he wanted Wade forever, there was a burning in his chest that needed him. And it was scary and for good reason because now this was happening. “I just need time…”

“Then have that time, cancel dinner and think it over, Peter.”

“But - ”

“Peter think about it like this, if I wasn’t part of the picture would you want to take Wade to meet May right now?” Matt cuts in. Peter chews his lip and drops his gaze.

“No,” He mumbles under his breath.

“I’ll cancel for you if you want, I’ll tell her you’re sick or something.” Matt offers but Peter’s shaking his head.

“You’ve done enough for me,” Peter says and Matt gives a small nod.

“Okay, fair enough.” He steps back from Peter and makes his way back over to his abandoned breakfast. Peter fiddles with his own thumbs a little before he turns away and moves out of the kitchen.

He pulls his phone from his pocket and gets up May’s number. There’s a part of him that doesn’t want to cancel, thinking that it would just be easier if he played it out for one more night, maybe he’d be able to tell himself that Wade was worth it. He swallows thickly and hits the call button. It rings only a few times before she’s answering like she was basically sat on the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey May, it’s Pete. Sorry for calling so early,” He mumbles, dropping his gaze to his feet as he kicks idly at the floor.

“Nonsense Peter, was there something you needed?” She asks and Peter feels his gut churn. He swallows again and tries not to just burst and tell her the full truth. He turns his gaze and glances over at Matt. Peter wonders if he’s listening in and whether he’s bothered by that or not.

“I’m… I’m sorry, May, but… Wade and I won’t be able to make it tonight.” He manages to get out without choking on the words. He can feel tears stinging at the corners of his eyes again and he has to remind himself to take in slow breaths.

“Oh, is something wrong?” May asks and Peter’s mind is instantly screaming yes. He shakes his head though, despite the fact that she can’t see it.

“Uh, Wade’s sick at the moment, woke up with it.” Peter offers.

“Oh, poor dear. I was really looking forward to meeting him too.” May sighs and Peter’s throat feels like it restricts itself. He tries to take in a steady breath.

“I know, I um… we’ll reschedule soon. I promise. I’m really sorry.” Peter mumbles. He’s not sure what he’s actually apologising for though.

“Peter there’s no need for that. These things happen. I hope he feels better soon.” She says in that calming voice that usually made him feel better about everything. He nearly chokes on the lump forming in his throat.

“Yeah, I’ll… I’ll call you later okay?” Peter mumbles. He had to get off the phone now before he slipped up.

“Okay sweetheart, have a good day.”

“You too.”

“I love you,” May says and Peter’s never hated those words more. He squeezes his eyes closed.

“I love you too, bye.” He almost rushes to get the words out and he’s hanging up before he can even hear if she says anything else.

He balls his hands into tight fists, squeezing his phone and he has to remind himself not to crush the thing. He shoves it into his pocket before he crosses his arms over his chest, digging his fingers into his biceps. He lets out a shaky breath, feeling the tears burn more in his eyes but he refuses to let them actually fall. He was in this situation because of himself. He hears movement behind him, but he refuses to open his eyes.

“I know you feel like you’re invading, but you’re welcome to stay here if you want,” Matt offers, stopping behind him at a reasonable distance. Peter sighs again and glances over at the older.

“Thank you, Matt, but… I think I should go. I’m sorry for bothering you.” Peter mumbles, keeping his head bowed.

“You’re not a bother, Peter. But I won’t make you stay if you don’t wish to be around.” Matt assures him. Peter sighs and shakes his head.

“I think… I need to be alone. I’m sorry.”

“Peter, you have nothing to be sorry for,” Matt states. He tries offering Peter a calming smile. “If you need me, you have my number and you know where to find me, okay?” He offers.

“Thank you.” Peter mumbles. He gives Matt another quick hug before heading back over to the window and climbing out.

He scales the building, making it to the roof with ease. He looks around briefly, feeling the weight of it all crushing his chest. He drops back against the wall, covering his mouth with his hand again as he slides down until he’s sat on the roof. He curls in on himself as sobs wrack through his body. He cries his heart out, choking on his own breath as he bawls his eyes out until he’s exhausted. Then he gets himself up and heads home. He does the same in his bed until he passes out from the exhaustion of it all.


	22. Chapter 22

Peter wakes up in the late afternoon feeling like shit. He didn’t feel rested and he didn’t feel good at all. Everything ached, not just mentally but physically too. His eyes still burned from crying so much and his head pounded. His heart, his whole chest felt empty. He closes his eyes and tries to will himself back to sleep, not sure what had even woken him.

He lays lifelessly in his bed for so long that the sun sets. He’s unable to drift back to sleep and thanks to the thoughts in his head, he’s unable to get up the will to climb out of bed. But once the sun starts setting, he decides that he needs to eat at least something. Not looking after himself wasn’t going to help the situation at all.

He orders take out, Korean barbeque because he knows that Wade doesn’t really like it. Peter doesn’t either, but it’s  _ spite _ that makes him do it. He curls up on his couch with his disappointing meal and eats alone, not even bothering to turn the TV on. He mopes to himself through most of the evening until he decides that he needs to do something and that beating up some bad guys as stress relief isn’t healthy, but the assholes had it coming for being criminals.

So, Peter pulls on his suit and heads out just as the last light of the day is fading beyond the horizon. Peter lets his body take him, the motions of patrol almost locked into his head in such a way that he can do it on autopilot. It means that he can distract his mind with other things. He focuses a lot on the bad guys he catches, muggers and street thugs mainly. And maybe he takes his frustration out on them a little too much, but again, they had it coming. Patrol is a great distraction, until it isn’t. Because Peter’s running his normal routes and he probably should have thought about it and done anything but that, but it’s far too late when he bypasses another figure donned in red. Peter tries to move on as fast as he can, but he should have known Wade had seen him.

“Spidey, hey,” Wade calls out and Peter’s not sure why, but he stops. 

He grits his teeth and stares down off the edge of the building. And as much as it’s tempting, he has to tell himself he can’t throw Wade over the edge even though he’d survive the fall. Peter couldn’t… he wouldn’t ever do something like that to Wade.

“What are you doing here, babe? I thought you had dinner with May.” Wade asks, coming over to stand beside Peter. He looks the younger up and down. Peter balls his hands into tight fists at his sides and resists the urge to knock him flat on his ass.

“When were you going to tell me?” Peter snarls, keeping his gaze on the street below them. There’s a long pause and Peter nearly snaps there and then, feels the urge to scream at Wade bubbling in his chest.

“…Tell you what?” Wade asks, and he sounds sorry already. So, he knows he’s done something wrong. Peter just wonders if this is the other thing or if there’s something else too. That would make him really snap.

“What, did you think I wouldn’t fucking notice? You’re a piece of work, Wilson,” Peter hisses, finally turning to look at Wade. Even with his mask on, Peter can see that Wade’s panicking.

“Wait, what are you talking about?” He asks, and Peter nearly goes off on him acting oblivious.

“You found your heartmate, didn’t you?!” Peter demands, stepping into Wade’s space and on impulse, Wade recoils and shrinks into himself.

“I-…” Wade stumbles over his words. 

Peter snarls under his mask, the growl building in his chest but he doesn’t let it out. He’s more pissed off than upset at this point. He’s already cried his heart out over Wade.

“Yes, I did.” It still hurts like all hell hearing it. 

There was a part of Peter, a delusional part of his mind that thought maybe he was wrong, and Wade hadn’t, it was just another scar. Peter feels tears building up in his eyes and his throat starts to clog up again. He didn’t want to keep crying, but this… this hurt more then losing his heartmate ever could have.

“You’re a fucking asshole,” Peter manages to say, keeping his voice as steady as possible. He sucks in a shaky breath and turns away from Wade. “I… I loved you.”

“Spidey-”

“I fucking  _ love _ you and you… did you ever fucking mean it when you said you loved me?” Peter snaps, his hands balled into tight fists at his sides. And it would be so easy, too easy to beat Wade for hurting him. But he can’t, there’s no way he could ever do that to the merc.

“Yes. Every time. I still mean it now.” Wade admits and his tone… it’s flat but he doesn’t sound sorry anymore. 

Peter’s gut churns. It’s like he’s just… accepted what’s happening. Like he feels little to no guilt toward the situation. Peter feels sick to the stomach just thinking about it.

“Fuck you, Wade… fuck you.” Peter’s voice cracks, the lump formed in his throat choking him out. He starts backing away from Wade, shaking his head.

“Spidey wait,” There’s a hint of desperation to Wade’s voice and it makes Peter want to throw up. He turns away again.

“I don’t ever want to see you again, Deadpool. We’re… we’re  _ done _ .” Peter chokes out and before Wade can even have a chance to respond, he’s shooting out a web and leaping from the building.

He cries all the way back to his apartment, not even stopping to help anyone in need. For once, he couldn’t give a damn about anyone else. Every fibre in his body was telling him he’d be better off dead, so he heads home and he locks himself in his room again and lets the negative thoughts devour him whole.


	23. Chapter 23

[Well you couldn’t have fucked that up more if you tried.]

“It’s for the best.”

[How many times are you going to have to tell yourself that before you realise that you’re wrong?]

“You’re usually the asshole to tell me I’m better off alone, so why don’t you go back to being that asshole?” Wade snarls. 

The yellow box is oddly quiet which is unsettling. It had been kicking up a fuss when Spidey was there, telling him that he had to stop, that telling Peter the truth was the best option. Now that the wall-crawler was gone, it’s like the voice left with him.

[This is so  _ different _ . You only get one heartmate in life, and no matter how much you hate yourself for this, Spider-Man is your heartmate and you are  _ his _ .]

Wade closes his eyes and sits down on the edge of the building Spider-Man had left him on. He runs his hands over his face, feeling the guilt and pain coiling in his chest. “I had to do this, he can’t be happy with me.”

[Don’t you think that maybe he was? He loves you, you don’t love people you hate.]

“I’m the worst person he could ever be with.” Wade mumbles. He’s trying to convince himself, telling himself he can’t run after Spidey and be honest. Lying is the only option.

[You’ll sacrifice everything, even  _ his _ happiness just because you think you’re too broken to be loved.]

Wade swallows thickly and nods his head. “I know I am.”

{And yet, he loves you.}

Wade’s shoulders shake, and he tries to calm the racing of his heart. It’s easier to pretend he doesn’t.

\- - -

Wade doesn’t go home. He doesn’t want to think about being anywhere Spidey has been with him… he doesn’t want to stare blankly into a space and be able to think about them pressed together, doesn’t want to feel the phantom feelings of Spidey’s hands on his skin, lips pressed to his own-

He screws his eyes shut as he hovers at the edge of the building, the toes of his boots hanging over the edge. He could do it, it wouldn’t be the first time he’d throw himself from a roof. But what was the point when he did this to himself? With little help from the boxes, he’s able to talk himself down. But he still can’t go home. And with nowhere else to go, he heads back to the apartment complex. His gaze lifts and lingers on the window of where he lived, where Spidey’s spent so many nights with him over the last month or so. But it feels like a damn lifetime has passed already. Wade drops his gaze and heads for the front door that he rarely uses. He pushes it open, slamming it shut behind him and doesn’t even bother to lock it.

The trek up to the third floor feels like it takes hours. The closer he gets, the more prominent the smell of blood, charred flesh and property and gunpowder is. Smells he’s so familiar with but smells that overwhelm his senses in a place so close to the one place he always thought to himself was safe. He’s just glad the stench wasn’t strong enough to travel up to the tenth floor. He’s not even sure why he’d chosen this floor to wreak, it had just been the one he’d crashed through the window of and the destruction had started. It’s… almost unsettling seeing the chaos he’d left behind.

Wade works his arsenal from his body, leaving the weapons scattered across the messy floor, covered in glass shards, broken furniture and blood stains. He hesitates in dropping his pistols from his thighs, but after an internal argument, he drops them to the floor as well.

[You already said there was no point in killing yourself, so what are you going to do?]

Wade shakes his head slowly. He didn’t even know. He just had nowhere else to go. Home was just not an  _ option _ right now. Wade scans his eyes over the room around him, at all the destruction and pain that was evident in the mess. Maybe he didn’t need to kill himself, maybe he thought that was too much, but the numb feeling that had settled in his chest needed to go. He needed to feel something.

[This isn’t going to help anything! What would is finding Spider-Man and telling him the fucking truth.]

“I  _ can’t _ .” Wade grits his teeth and swings around, like the voice in his head had a physical body and slams his fist into the wall. 

His knuckles crack against the brick, the impact shattering his hand. He grinds his teeth so hard his jaw cracks as he pulls his hand back. Instantly his healing factor is working to pull the bones back together, but he can feel the blood leaking into his glove. He closes his eyes and takes in a slow, shaky breath.

[You can beat yourself up for years, you will never recover from this if you don’t fix it now.]

“If you don’t fucking shut up, I’ll  _ make you _ .” Wade threatens. Not that it holds anything. 

Death will only keep his mind quiet for the amount of time as what it would feel like if he was sleeping. Which in reality is no different than blinking. The moment his eyes open again, the voices would be back, and he’d be right back here again.

[You’re really content on self-destructing for the rest of your long, miserable life?]

No, he wasn’t, but he wasn’t a stranger to it either. And that was just another reason he couldn’t be with Spidey. He didn’t  _ age _ . Not normally anyway and no matter what he was going to be left without his heartmate one day.

[But at least you would have  _ had _ him.]

“I told you to shut up,” Wade hisses, balling his hands into fists at his sides again. His hand was almost completely healed already, and he hated that. He wanted the pain, he needs it. Hell, he deserved it. But it was already leaving.

Wade looks around the mess of the room, trying to figure out what he can do to try and make it linger longer. He doesn’t have any chemicals left after his last bout of bullshit here, so he can’t slow his regenerative powers that way. He closes his eyes and lets out a slow breath.

{Spidey wouldn’t want you hurting yourself.}

The yellow box sounded so foreign to him. It had been silent for the most part, it was like itself was as broken as Wade felt. He feels tears prickling at his eyes. He knew that, he knew Spidey would want him safe, no matter how angry he was with him. That’s just the kind of guy Spidey is. Wade lets himself drop to the floor, barely catching himself on his hands as he crumbles to his knees. Glass crunches under his hands and he grits his teeth. He balls his hands into fists, managing to collect some of the glass in his hand before he slams his fist down against the floor. The bones hadn’t finished setting yet completely and the impact has them shifting again. Glass stabs into his knuckles and palm and he lets out a small noise of pain.

He deserved worse for what he did to Spidey. He should have stayed away, he would have found someone. Hell, things with Daredevil seem to be smooth, maybe with Wade out of the picture they could get together. The thought has his chest tightening and he lets out a pathetic sob as he collapses completely onto the pile of glass beneath him. Anyone was better for Spidey than him, and yet the world was cruel enough to make them heartmates. Wade lets the tension fall from his body and closes his eyes. No matter who was stuck as his heartmate, the poor soul would have deserved better.

\- - -

“Hello?”

Peter holds his breath, choking on a sob as he tries to will himself to say something. It was late, very late and he was probably the worst friend in the world but he couldn’t keep going to Matt. He squeezes his eyes shut and balls his hand into a tight fist, nails biting into his palm.

“Peter? Are you there?” MJ asks and it makes his heart sink further in his chest. 

He can hear the concern in her voice over the sleep still lingering there. Peter shakes his head and tries to tell himself to hang up. But he can’t hold his breath forever and a stuttered breath escapes him and the games over. He covers his mouth with his hand as he sobs, his whole body shaking.

“Peter, what’s going on?” She presses and Peter tips his head back.

“I-I…” He manages to weakly hiccup. His throat feels tight and he can’t breathe.

“Hey, take a slow breath for me, I know you don’t think you can Peter, but you have to. Nice and slow, take your time,” MJ continues and Peter tries listening to her. It takes him a few tries but eventually and  _ finally _ . He’s able to get his breathing evened out.

“I’m s-sorry.” Peter mumbles. “I-it’s so late.”

“Peter, it’s fine. Can you tell me what happened?” She asks again, keeping her voice soft and calm.

Peter doesn’t want to try explaining it over the phone. He squeezes his eyes shut. “C-can you come over? I-I know it’s… I j-just…”

“Peter, it’s okay. I can be there in fifteen minutes okay? Do you want Harry to come?” She asks. He didn’t deserve her. She was the best friend he’d ever had. Peter gives a weak shake of his head.

“N-no, he’s got w-work.” She did too, but her shift didn’t start until later in the afternoon, so he felt a slither less guilt over it. Peter snuffles, trying to compose himself a little.

“Okay, I’ll be there soon. Would you like me to stay on the phone?” She asks. Peter screws his eyes shut again and curls more into himself.

“No, it’s o-okay… the doors unlocked when y-you get here.” Peter mumbles. MJ makes a strange noise but doesn’t actually comment on the matter.

“Alright, I’ll see you soon Peter.” She responds instead.

“Thank you. I… I’m sorry to bother you.” Peter gets out before she has a chance to hang up.

“Peter, you’re not bothering anyone.” She assures. Peter grits his teeth. He couldn’t exactly believe that.


	24. Chapter 24

Peter was still curled up on his couch, chewing his bottom lip to the point of ruining it completely by the time MJ was knocking on his door before she let herself in. The apartment was mostly dark, besides the low glow of the TV which was muted. But the moving images distracted Peter enough from spiralling further but he’d had no intention of actually watching. MJ approaches the couch slowly but not too silently, making at least a little noise so she didn’t startle Peter. He lifts his gaze and meets her eyes when she’s stood at the edge of the couch and her heart sinks seeing his face red and puffy, wet from tears and snot that’s caught on his top lip. She sits down beside him and moves into his side, not close enough for contact yet.

“Hey Pete, what happened?” She asks, keeping her voice low but not too soft.

She didn’t want to treat him like he was broken, but she knew he needed her to be understanding and gentle. Peter lets his tired eyes fall closed and his thoughts linger for a moment on a map of scarred skin before he’s trapped in white eyes. A shiver runs down his spine and he lifts his hand to tug lightly on his hair.

“…W-Wade,” Peter manages to whisper his name and he knows, given his state that MJ doesn’t need him to explain that they’re over. 

Her face completely drops and she looks as heartbroken as he feels. She moves into his space and pulls him into a tight hug. Peter goes willingly, wrapping himself mostly around her and allowing himself to bury his face in her hair, not even worried about getting snot in it. He’s pretty sure that’s the least of her concerns too.

“Oh God, Peter… I’m so sorry. I…” She closes her eyes and pulls him closer. And Peter can’t keep lying, he’s exhausted, and he needs someone to know.

“I… I broke it off,” Peter admits. MJ tenses for a second before she manages to relax again and slowly rubs circles into his back.

“You seemed so happy… what happened?” She asks and there’s a part of him that hates people prying, but he’s glad she wants to know. He pulls back, wiping at his eyes.

“I… I have a lot to tell you. But please, this stays between us. I just… telling you is the biggest risk of my life but I’m so… I’m  _ tired _ MJ, I’m so fucking tired.” Peter admits, letting out a rush of breath as he sits up as straight as he can. 

He runs his hand through his hair as he looks up at her. Fear clogs up his throat. He was terrified, but if there’s anyone he wanted to talk to about this, it was her.

“Okay, I’m all ears,” she says, taking his free hand in her own and giving it a gentle squeeze as she gives him a quick look over.

“We… that day, we had lunch… that wasn’t Wade.” Peter says. Finally getting it off his chest was the biggest relief of his life. Lying had been horrible, it had made him feel like complete shit the whole time and even now, telling her the truth he still felt shitty for it. She frowns a little but otherwise doesn’t react, waiting for him to continue. Peter closes his eyes. “His name was Matt, and he was… I knew that you guys would want to meet Wade and I wanted you to as well but… Wade… he couldn’t… he’s…”

It was so unreasonably hard to say. Was he seriously thinking of outing Wade? What kind of person did that make him? No matter how much Wade hurt him, was this really something he should even do. MJ stays so silent that Peter could probably hear her own heartbeat if he let himself listen for it, which wasn’t a good thing. Peter closes his eyes, trying not to have another breakdown.

“He’s self-conscious about the way he looks… because he’s covered in scars and I don’t mean like… cuts, I mean… it’s bad, MJ. And I get it y’know? I get why he hates the way he looks but he’s… fuck, he’s so beautiful to me.” Peter chokes up again, turning his head away as he tries to reorder his thoughts. 

He couldn’t let himself get distracted. He could cry again later but right now he had to explain everything so that MJ could understand. Not that saying ‘hey Wade found his heartmate’ wouldn’t be enough. But he was done with lying to her face about who and what Wade was.

“And I… I wasn’t going to force him to meet you guys while he’s still… uncomfortable. So I had Matt pose as him for lunch. And I don’t know… if he thought maybe Matt and I were getting close from it or why he did it… but he must have been seeing someone else… because he…” Peter squeezes his eyes shut again and tugs on his hair more. “He found his heartmate.”

MJ stays silent for a little while, and Peter knows if he looked at her he’d be met with nothing but pity on her face. She shifts forward slightly and reaches up, pulling his hand away from his hair. She keeps his hands in his lap and lifts her hand again to cup his cheek. He closes his eyes and leans into the touch, trying to swallow down the want to cry.

“I’m so sorry Peter.” Her voice is so small, she sounds more defeated then he is, and he realises that she’s been the one person who he’s gone to most, through all of this and she’s watched him reach his lowest point of life only to finally have been pulled up by someone who they both thought was going to be better for him. Watching him drop again, it’s a loss for her too.

“H-he… he didn’t even tell me. I… I saw the mark and… he admitted to it once I called him out on it but he just acted like it didn’t matter.” Peter hiccups, trying his best to keep his sobbing to a minimum. 

He shakes his head and pulls away from her, standing up without really knowing what to do with himself. He paces at the edge of the couch, his hands shaking as the flail around at his sides a little. He felt like he needed to break something.

“I just wanted to be happy, I just wanted to make him happy…” He chokes again, stopping to cover his face with his hands again, curling in on himself. “Being around him… it f-feels like the world is just so much brighter and better and I can breathe a-and I’m so fucking happy… I’ve never been this happy in my life. I… I love h-him.”

MJ suddenly stands up and pulls him into another tight hug. And he barely notices that he’s sobbing into her shoulder until his own tears soaking into her clothes start to make his face cold from being pressed together. He tightens his grip on her, his body shuddering with his sobs. She holds him, not saying anything as he lightly runs her hand down through the back of his hair, down his neck and spine, right between his shoulder blades before she brings her hand back up and repeats.

Peter focuses on the action which helps to calm him down. His grip starts to fall a little looser around MJ’s body and his breathing starts to even out again. MJ continues to stay silent, just using actions to calm him. He lifts his head slightly and stares over her shoulder, his eyes burning from crying. His bedroom door is slightly ajar and catches his attention. He could give her the full explanation, maybe he should, the weight of all his secrets was crushing him. But he was too tired to try explaining all of that right now. He drops his head back into her shoulder and lets out a deep sigh.

He manages to pull back and wipes at his face. Her hands come up to cup his face lightly. He meets her gaze, eyes flicking from green to blue. He didn’t like the jealousy that coiled in his gut. She was so lucky, hell, both her and Harry were to have each other. Peter chews the inside of his bottom lip and drops his gaze so that the gross emotions of envy can stop trying to strangle him. He can’t hate them for being heartmates, that’s not fair on them. He gives a small shake of his head and steps out of her arms, letting out another sigh.

“I’m sorry.”

“Peter, you have nothing to apologise for.” She looks like she wants to lift her hand, he sees the twitch it gives but she doesn’t reach out for him again. “You’ve had it so hard over the past year… I’m sorry that… I’m sorry you lost what happiness you had found.”

Peter swallows thickly and gives a small shake of his head. “It’s probably for the best… at least he found his heartmate… so he can be happy now.”

“And you’re left alone again,” MJ mumbles like it’s a thought she hadn’t meant to voice. Peter scoffs at his own expense and forces a smile onto his face.

“Maybe that’s for the best too.” He gives a half-hearted shrug. MJ’s face shows the exact amount of sorrow he knew it would, but she doesn’t comment on that. There’s not much she could say to that anyway. Peter drops his gaze again and chews his bottom lip. “I’m sorry you had to come out here so late. I just… I couldn’t get the thoughts out of my head.”

He’s never thought of himself as someone who was suicidal. But now, this is the second time he’s had thoughts. And it’s scared him both times, but the first time it was Wade who was there to help keep him above water. Now Wade was gone, was indirectly the reason for the thoughts and he wasn’t sure if he could keep afloat without the merc. At least he knew MJ would be there no matter what, even if she couldn’t keep him safe from himself.

“Peter, I don’t care what time it is. You’re my friend, my  _ best friend _ . I want to be here for you.” She says and her words tug roughly on his heart. He closes his eyes.

“I know… I know you do, thank you. I could never thank you enough.” Peter mumbles. She steps into his space again and carefully takes his hands in her own.

“You don’t have to Peter, being here isn’t a chore.”

Peter still can’t believe that fully.


	25. Chapter 25

Wade isn’t at all surprised that Daredevil knows that he’s there. Even if he was trying to be sneaky about it, he’s sure that he would have been able to smell him, or something. Wade definitely hasn’t been taking proper care of himself at all, so he knows he smells like shit. His suit is more blood-soaked then it normally would be, slashes in the arms, legs and even across the stomach and chest. And a bullet hole right in the forehead from when even the blood spewing from his body wasn’t enough to get the voices in his head to shut up.

Overall, he was no better than a walking corpse, so if Daredevil didn’t know he was there something was seriously wrong with him. But as it is, Daredevil turns his head in Wade’s direction as he approaches, feeling like a lost dog, completely miserable and ready to stop waking up from his self-destruction.

“You look like shit.” Daredevil says and Wade scoffs.

“How would you know?” He drops down onto the edge of the building, a tiny voice in the back of his head telling him it’d be worth it to push himself forward and let gravity take him.

“Going by your smell, I can only assume you look no better,” he says and Wade can hear the venom in his tone. He’s not surprised that Spidey had gone to him, after all, Daredevil was the person who knew the most, and the truth about who Spidey was dating.

“Should I leave?” Wade asks with a matching tone of disgust. Daredevil is silent for a moment before he lets out a loud sigh.

“You sought me out for a reason,” he offers. Wade closes his eyes and lets his head drop forward. He doesn’t respond instantly, letting his thoughts brew. Daredevil shifts slightly, Wade hears him moving around as he sits down beside the merc.

“I don’t know why, maybe it’s because he trusted you and you cared about him. I… I fucking miss him,” Wade mumbles.

And he knows that no matter what, even if he hadn’t fallen in love with Spidey, he’d still miss the younger man because they were heartmates. There would always be a part of him that missed that feeling of being complete, that happiness that came with having your heartmate.

“Why’d you do it then?” Daredevil asks, and Wade can hear the frustration in his voice like it was him that Wade had fucked things up with. “If you were so happy with him, why did you get with someone else?”

“That’s the thing, I didn’t,” Wade admits. There’s a long pause of silence. He can practically hear the gears turning in Daredevil’s head.

[You being vague doesn’t exactly help.]

{How is that vague? It’s just the truth.}

“He said you’d found your heartmate?” Daredevil states, still clearly trying to piece the puzzle together.

“I did. I… I did. And I don’t deserve him, fuck I don’t but there’s always been a hole in my life but never like this and every day hurts in ways it never has before and… maybe I don’t deserve him or love, but I can’t do this anymore. But how can I tell him, how can I be honest now and how can I force him to have to deal with me?” Wade blurts out, his chest feeling tight all over again. There’s another beat of silence as everything sets in.

“He’s your heartmate.” Daredevil suddenly mumbles, his voice barely above a whisper. Wade gives a weak nod, not that the other can see it but he’s sure he can feel it or whatever or take his silence as confirmation enough. “How… what happened?”

“He marked me… I guess at first, he couldn’t notice because of the scars and I… I panicked. I expected him to hang around for a while then get bored or decide that maybe he didn’t actually feel the way he did, and he’d leave, maybe he’d fall for you or something. Maybe he’d find someone _better_ , that wasn’t fucking… this.” Wade gestures to himself uselessly. “I didn’t want him to be stuck with me, that’s not fair on him. So… I lied. Well no… I just didn’t say anything. He confronted me and… I just said that I had but I never said it wasn’t him but then again I didn’t say it was anyone else, so I was being honest I just didn’t admit it was him because how could he ever want to be with me forever you know?”

Wade gives a low chuckle, it’s full of hate for himself and disgust in the person he was and what he had done. Of course, he regretted it, but there was no way he would change it either. Spidey deserved better and even though there was no switching when it came to heartmates, he’d accepted that his heartmate was dead, there was no reason for Wade to tell him any differently.

“Wade… you have to be the biggest idiot on this planet.” Matt groans, rubbing at his temples.

[No need to remind us.]

“He deserves better-”

“He _loves_ you. He is in love with you. He’s never been happier than when he was with you. You gave him hope, you gave him life when all he wanted was to disappear. You were what kept him here. He wanted to be with you, and not as just someone to have until he found the next option and moved on. And yes, those feelings are going to be amplified because you’re heartmates, but he felt that way about you without knowing that you were meant to be his. Shouldn’t that tell you something?” Daredevil exclaims, and Wade shakes his head furiously.

“No, you don’t fucking get it. I’m the worst person he could ever have. I’m… I’m all kinds of levels of fucked up, I’m no good for him.”

“He knows that, and he stuck around,” Daredevil pushes. Wade’s mouth falls open to argue, but his words get caught in his throat. “He hated that it was me there that day when we had lunch with his friends, he wanted you there so bad. That’s why I sent him back to your place as soon as we were finished. He missed you so much when you couldn’t see each other, when you were away… he talked about you all the time. He needs you, Wade, for more reason than one. And he does love you, I know you keep telling yourself that he didn’t, that he _doesn’t_ because it’s easier for you to swallow, but he does. I think part of him always has had feelings for you.”

Wade stares back at Daredevil, speechless and completely unsure what to do with himself now. There was still that voice, not one of the boxes but his own voice in his head telling him it wasn’t true. Spidey deserved better and how could _anyone_ love him?

{If you can’t accept it as just anyone, think about it like this; he is your _heartmate_ , he does love you because you are on all plains literally meant to be together.}

But Wade didn’t like that reasoning, Wade hated that someone was just meant to love him because they were his damn heartmate.

“Wade,” Daredevil says his name, snapping him out of his spiralling thoughts. “He loves you. He said himself, he wants you, he admitted that he was scared of wanting you because there was a part of him that wanted you forever. But he’s used to losing everyone and that’s why he hated that he felt that way. Because he knew he’d lose you too.”

And if that isn’t just the worst punch to the gut anyone could ever cop.

[Well, you really have fucked this up, haven’t you?]

{No, no, we can fix this!}

“He said that?” Wade asks, his voice a lot weaker then he’s used to. That seems to be a trend that’s going on thanks to all the shit he’s caused himself. “H-he said he wanted forever, and he meant it?”

“Yes. You could ask him yourself and he’d tell you. Wade, I don’t think this has anything to do with you being heartmates. He’s never felt this way about anyone else before.”

“How do you know?” Wade asks, feeling somewhat sceptical.

“He’s never had anyone else to talk to about this stuff, about _you_. So naturally… he told me everything.” Daredevil gives a small shrug of his shoulders. Wade closes his eyes again and chews the inside of his lip. If he was serious… if Spidey really wanted him…

“I have to tell him,” Wade mumbles.

“That’s probably the best idea you’ve ever had Wade,” Daredevil offers, and maybe he’s trying to be helpful, but it doesn’t feel that great hearing it.

Wade huffs out a sigh and leans back slightly, looking out over the city. He could start by trying to follow Spidey’s usual patrol routes, or by causing a fuss somewhere in the city that might draw the wall crawlers attention.

“Before you plan anything too destructive, I can give you his address.”

Wade looks over to him. “Was I saying that out loud?” he asks, because he’s sure he wasn’t but maybe he had.

“You didn’t say anything, I just know you pretty well by now.” Daredevil shrugs. “I wouldn’t advise going tonight, but the sooner the better.”

Wade gives a firm nod. He just hopes that Spidey will at least give him a chance.


	26. Chapter 26

Peter hasn’t left his apartment for two days. He’s been putting it off, which meant his responsibility as Spider-Man has gone down the drain too. He’s barely even left his bed as it is, besides to use the bathroom and when his hunger has been too much for him to bear. MJ keeps texting him, reminding him that she’s there for him, to drink water and eat, trying to give advice to help deal with his heartache. It’s nice, knowing she cares that much but Peter doesn’t really heed her advice. He just curls up under a quilt and mopes to himself for nearly forty-eight hours as he tries to convince himself that he needs to see May and tell her about what happened. She’d called him, and he hadn’t answered and the voice mail she left was saying how he could come pick up the food that she’d prepared for them to have. That was a day ago and he hadn’t called her back.

He was a coward, but at least he knew it. He needed to talk to her, tell her the truth that they’d broken up and that’s why he didn’t come around. But he was finding it hard to even tell himself that he and Wade were done. It was the worst feeling in the world.

He still couldn’t grasp the idea fully that Wade had lied to him. That he’d tried to keep it secret, that he was seeing someone else while they were together. Peter had thought that Wade of all people would have been better than that, and maybe it was some part of him that was angry with Wade that he thought there was no way Wade could be seeing someone else. But those thoughts get squashed down instantly because he saw Wade as -what he thought- the amazing, funny and attractive person he was underneath the scars. So why couldn’t someone else? And Peter hated that if someone ever talked ill of Wade around him he’d still defend the merc because Wade still was amazing in his eyes.

Not to say that he wasn’t upset and hurt and angry because he was. He’s thought about how he wouldn’t even feel bad breaking Wade’s arm because it’d heal in no time and he _deserved it_. But at the same time, Wade was always in so much pain that Peter would never want to physically hurt him. His mind was in a constant battle, his heart was broken, but Wade was only human. But still he thought Wade would be above cheating and he was so wrong. Peter wonders what it was that they had that he didn’t for Wade to want them. He wonders if Wade knew their name. It hurt thinking about all the what ifs and buts and the endless possibilities, but Peter apparently liked hurting himself.

At least he hadn’t reached the physical stage yet, but he was so very tempted. Another reason staying curled up in bed was for the best. He wonders if Wade’s hurt himself because of this, but then he tells himself that Wade’s probably happy with his heartmate, having the time of his life. Hell, Wade could be in another country, on another damn planet and Peter wouldn’t know. And part of him is okay with that, having Wade far away from him was probably a good thing. But he misses him, he misses the merc so much. He just misses his company, his constant chatter and the chaos that followed Wade around. He didn’t even miss being his boyfriend as much as he missed being his friend. Though having Wade’s arms around his body was a feeling that had become like home and without it, Peter felt hollow.

He had to tell May. She deserved to know and keeping her in the dark was cruel. But he didn’t know how to go about it. He knew going to her house, that seeing her face to face would force him to spill the beans instead of covering it up. He couldn’t keep pretending, he couldn’t keep lying. Hell, he’d almost told MJ about being Spider-Man, that’s how distraught the situation had made him. So he could tell his poor aunt that he wasn’t with Wade anymore.

He manages to sit himself up from his cocoon in his bed and checks his phone. It’s nearly one in the afternoon and he’s damn lucky that he hasn’t had work over the past few days otherwise he’s very sure he wouldn’t have a job come Tuesday. Peter chews his bottom lip and contemplates calling her first and decides that it’s probably for the best, that way he has to show at her place and he can’t bail before he gets there.

Peter sucks in a slow breath as he pulls up his contacts on his phone and gets to her number. He stares at her contact photo, at her sweet, loving smile and his heart feels like it sinks further. He was just letting her down. Ben had always said that he was that he was going to do great things, and here he was, too scared to even call May because he was a coward and he couldn’t even keep a partner.

Peter closes his eyes, pressing the edge of his phone to his forehead. He tries to calm the pounding of his heart and slow his breathing so that his voice won’t waver too much. He’s in the middle of psyching himself up when there’s a knock against his window. There’s a moment of panic, but his Spidey sense doesn’t instantly start telling him something’s wrong, so he just assumes that it’s Matt. Which is a little concerning because he’d have thought he’d use the front door and he’s not even sure why the other was here in the first place. Then he lifts his head and he meets Wade’s eyes. Not even Deadpool’s, he’s not wearing the suit or even his mask.

Peter’s shock is probably clear on his face as his eyes widen and he stares up at the merc. But the shock dissipates quickly and is replaced with anger and hurt and his initial instinct is to tell him to leave, but he’s a little concerned about how Wade even found where he lives. But Wade isn’t smiling, he looks… miserable and sorry and Peter hates him so much for it. Wade chews his bottom lip but doesn’t otherwise move and Peter thinks of just ignoring him but he has to know how he found him.

Peter cautiously steps up to the window and slowly opens it. Wade still doesn’t make a move and just looks at him with those stupid sad, blank eyes and Peter wants to hit him. He has no right to look like a kicked dog coming home moping to its owner. Peter sucks in a shaky breath and he hadn’t even noticed how worked up he’d gotten himself just thinking about all the reasons Wade shouldn’t be here.

“How’d you find me?” Peter manages to ask.

“I have something I really need to tell you-, wait that’s not what you asked. Sorry, I’ve been reciting what I need to say since I left my place-” Wade starts rambling.

“Deadpool,” Peter cuts him off.

“Right, sorry, Daredevil told me where you lived. I… I really need to talk to you and he knows you’d keep trying to avoid me, so he gave me your address because he agrees that we need to talk.” Wade explains.

Peter’s not sure he believes him. After all that Wade had done, Peter isn’t ready to just accept that maybe Wade wasn’t here to hurt him more. But there was nothing left to say. Wade had his heartmate, there was no need for Peter to be in the picture.

“I think I’ve said all I need to,” Peter spits, ready for the conversation they’re not even having to be over. He didn’t want to hear Wade’s lame excuses because that’s all they’d be.

“Please, Spidey, just give me a minute, that’s all I ask,” Wade begs. Peter’s seriously considering slamming his window down onto Wade’s fingers and breaking them for the merc. “Please.”

Peter hates that his will is so weak. He doesn’t want to give Wade a chance, but he also misses him more than anything else. And maybe they _can_ make it work. Maybe Wade has a good reason for lying, maybe they’re not excuses… Peter grits his teeth and backs away from the window, wrapping his arms around himself as he tries to hold himself together.

Wade climbs into his apartment, and Peter wonders if he’s just made the worst decision of his life.


	27. Chapter 27

“I… I know you’re not going to like this at all, but can you take your shirt off?” Wade asks almost the second he’s got the window closed like he thinks Peter’s going to throw him out of it. And he’s not wrong in thinking that the idea has crossed Peter’s mind.

“Get fucked, Deadpool, if you came here hoping you can somehow convince me sex will fix this, I’ll shove your own foot up your ass.” Peter hisses, even as tears burn at the corners of his eyes. Damn Wade fucking Wilson, what kind of an asshole is he?

“I’m not asking for sex-”

“Then what the hell do you want from me?” Peter snaps.

“I… I can’t explain it, because you won’t believe me, so I have to show you.” Wade mumbles. And he’s not wrong there either, Peter won’t believe a word he says. He has no reason to because Wade had already lied to him, he’d played the pity card and he played it  _ well _ . “Please take your shirt off.” Wade presses.

Peter’s throat feels too tight and he’s not sure if he should trust Wade at all. What kind of game was he playing? How did this benefit him at all? He wanted to tell him to fuck off, he wanted to kick him out and scream at him but instead, he stays silent, anger and misery boiling under his skin. He knew Wade wasn’t going to just let him leave, and he was seriously regretting opening his window for the merc.

Peter lets out a deep sigh and turns his gaze away. He fiddles with his own fingers, as he chews more on his bottom lip in an attempt to keep himself from crying. He doesn’t move for a long time, his whole-body tense which is making it hard for him to move. Wade shifts slightly, stepping closer to him and Peter turns his gaze back to him. 

“Please, I promise it will be worth it.”

And Peter hates that he sounds like he genuinely means it. He doesn’t want to trust Wade, hell he doesn’t even want to be around the merc and now… now he was in his home, pleading for him to take his clothes off. And for some reason, part of his mind tells him that it’s the right thing to do.

So, he lets out a defeated sigh and grabs the hem of his shirt. He fiddles with it for a bit before he slowly pulls it over his head and removes it from his body. He swallows thickly, feeling as if a lump is sat right in the back of his mouth, clogging up his throat. Wade cautiously steps over to him, his hands coming to rest on Peter’s waist. He goes to move away, but Wade holds onto him.

“Just relax… please trust me. I know you have no reason to, especially after what I did to you. But you have to just trust me one more time, please?” Wade  _ begs, _ and Peter hates it more than anything else. His eyes burn more, and he turns his head away again, gritting his teeth. But he forces himself to relax and his tense shoulders drop.

“You’re right, I have no fucking reason to trust you, Deadpool.” And he keeps using that name, he refuses to call him by his actual name. He can’t, he won’t.

Wade doesn’t respond, instead, he just ducks his head as he pulls Peter into his body. Peter barely has time to react, his muscles tensing up again as he lets out a distraught noise when Wade’s lips press to the skin of his chest. Peter hisses as he shoves Wade back, face twisted in disgust and  _ hurt _ because he was done with these games. But the skin of his chest stings slightly, like Wade bit him or something and he looks down at his chest, pressing his fingers to the spot. The spot that slowly starts to bran discolouration, looking something like a birthmark.

Everything stops. Peter’s mind runs at a million miles a second before it seems to just crash. He’s not even sure he’s breathing as he stares awkwardly down at his chest. His fingers slowly glide over the mark, like it might disappear. It doesn’t. He slowly lifts his gaze as everything starts to come crashing back to him and he meets Wade’s blank stare. Wade’s giving him the saddest look he’s ever seen, looking so full of regret and shame and just plain misery that it tugs at Peter’s heart. But he doesn’t move, he just stares back at the older man. Wade cautiously steps up to him again, lifting his hand to cup Peter’s cheek. The rough pad of his thumb brushes under Peter’s coloured eye and Peter finds himself leaning into the touch.

“I’m sorry,” Wade whispers, leaning in slightly to lean his forehead against Peter’s own. “I just didn’t want you to be stuck with me because you deserve better. But… I realised that no matter what, I can’t change this. You are my heartmate, and I am yours. And no matter what I think… we’ll never be happier than how we are when we’re together. No matter how fucked up I am, no matter how much I think I shouldn’t have you, or that you should have someone else… you are mine. And honestly… if I really think about it without letting the negative thoughts consume me, I wouldn’t change that.”

Peter stares up at Wade, completely speechless. This was  _ real, _ despite how much he thought maybe he was just delusional, he wasn’t. His heartmate… was very much alive and standing right in front of him and his heartmate was  _ Wade, _ the one person he never would have thought would have been his. Peter chokes out a sound, something like a disbelieving chuckle. Wade tries to offer him a soft smile, but the realisation that Peter had asked if he found his heartmate and instead of explaining had just said he had made Peter’s frustration come back to him. He thumped his fist into Wade’s arm, pulling a soft cry of pain from the merc as he recoils slightly.

“Ow, hey, what the hell?” Wade complains, pulling back to rub his hand against the spot.

“You deserve that, you asshole!” Peter snaps. Wade stares at him for a moment before he lets out a huff of breath and drops his gaze.

“Yeah, no, yeah, you’re right I did, I totally- ow fuck, Spidey!” Wade shouts again when Peter hits his other arm for good measure.

“You’re the… God, you’re an asshole.” Peter growls, lifting his hands to tug at his hair. “Do you know what I fucking  _ went through _ because of you?”

“I know… I know and I’m so sorry…” Wade mumbles as he cautiously reaches out for the younger man. Peter doesn’t recoil, and so Wade grabs his arms and pulls them away from his hair.

Peter lets Wade move back into his space and happily accepts the contact when Wade wraps his arms tightly around his body and pulls him in against his chest. Peter presses his face into the crook of Wade’s neck and lets out a heavy exhale, trying to calm himself down. He could, to a point, understand why Wade might have wanted to keep that from him. But that didn’t excuse it. It was messed up, yes… but Peter knows, given he was in Wade’s shoes, he’d have done the same.

“You fucking suck,” Peter mumbles, pressing his face harder into Wade’s chest. Wade’s fingers run through his hair and down his back and it’s the best feeling in the world.

“I know, I should have told you.” Wade mumbles. Peter nods in agreement before he squeezes his eyes closed again, trying to keep himself from breaking down into full on sobs again.

“I thought you were dead,” Peter mumbles into Wade’s shirt, feeling tears building up again anyway. Wade’s arms give him a squeeze before he pulls back, holding Peter at arm’s length.

“I’m so sorry. I… I didn’t know. The pain I’ve caused you from the start…” Wade closes his eyes and grits his teeth. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

Peter swallows and takes in a shaky breath. He couldn’t blame Wade for that. He couldn’t blame him for being ripped apart and killed, for being tortured and forced to endure it over and over because nothing could end his life. He couldn’t blame Wade for something he had no control over. Peter runs his hand lightly down the side of Wade’s face. Wade nuzzles into the touch, lifting his gaze to meet Peter’s.

“I love you.” Wade whispers and Peter’s chest tightens. Wade was and always will be his everything. Nothing was going to change that, even before he knew… Wade was all he wanted and more.

“How good is your balance?” Peter asks suddenly, managing to keep his voice somewhat even. Wade blinks a few times as he pulls back, frowning slightly.

“Well I mean, I guess it’s pretty good-” Wade doesn’t get to finish wherever that train of thought was heading when Peter suddenly jumps into his arms.

Wade’s instincts instantly have him wrapping his arms tightly around Peter’s waist as he stumbles back slightly, running into the wall. Peter wraps his arms around Wade’s neck, legs locked around his waist as he ducks his head down and presses his lips firmly against Wade’s own. Wade makes a strange noise into the kiss, hands sprawling out against Peter’s bare skin, trying to pull him up his body a little more so that he can rest his hand under Peter’s thigh. Peter cradles the back of Wade’s head as he tilts his own and deepens the kiss slightly. Only when Wade’s hands start to wander a little does he pull back, both of them panting against each other’s lips as their foreheads stay pressed together.

“Not good enough, apparently.” Peter teases, managing a somewhat weak smirk. Wade returns it, chuckling softly as he tips his head back again to peck Peter’s lips.

“I wasn’t expecting that, okay?” Wade defends as he leans his head back against the wall. Peter’s smile softens, and he lifts his hand to cup Wade’s cheek again.

“I love you too.” He whispers, and Wade’s smile softens to mirror his own before the merc pulls him in for another deep, lingering kiss. Wade’s hold on Peter only gets tighter the longer they stay pressed together like he’s scared that Peter’s suddenly going to try running away.

Peter pulls back again, sucking in a slow, deep and calming breath as he keeps his eyes closed for a moment. He lets his body absorb the feeling of Wade pressed up against him, takes in that undertone smell that is just  _ Wade _ that lingers in his clothes and in his home underneath the smell of gunpowder, blood and sweat that stains his apartment. Peter could drown in the smell. 

“Even though you’re probably the most complicated heartmate in the world.”

Wade lets out a deep snort and nuzzles his nose against Peter’s own. Peter blinks his eyes open and looks up at Wade. His gaze searches Wade’s face, taking him in, adding scars to the map in his mind that he’s already built of Wade’s face. Wade stares back at him when they lock eyes and Peter’s stomach feels like it flutters. Wade lifts his hand to cup Peter’s cheek again.

“I’m sorry about your eye.” He mumbles like it’s in any way his fault. Which it isn’t, Wade had died, his eyes were blank and white now, that’s who he was and Peter… Peter was okay with that. So long as he had Wade, he couldn’t care less about his eyes.

“Don’t be,” Peter mumbles, brushing his own fingers lightly over Wade’s cheek. “You… you said you couldn’t remember the colour of your eyes from before, right?” Peter asks.

“Yeah…” Wade says, giving a light shrug.

“…They were the most beautiful blue I’ve ever seen,” Peter tells him in a soft voice.

Wade drops his gaze, his sad smile slowly falling from his face. Peter’s chest feels like it tightens at the obvious sign of self-deprecation. Peter grabs his chin and lifts his head again. He leans in and Wade’s forced to close his eyes as Peter kisses lightly over his eyelids.

“But you’re still beautiful, Wade… your eyes are still beautiful.” Peter assures in a soft voice. 

He pulls back, resting his hands against the sides of Wade’s neck as he looks back into his eyes. Wade scoffs and nuzzles into the hold, moving his hand to cover Peter’s own, keeping him up by just the single hold under his butt. Peter tries not to noticeably chew his bottom lip at the show of pure strength.

They’re silent for what feels like hours, just looking at each other. The feelings coiling in Peter’s chest finally start to die down, becoming nothing more than affection and love. Peter finally places his hands on Wade’s shoulders and drops his legs from being hooked around Wade’s waist. Wade sets him on the floor, still leaning back against the wall. He keeps Peter pressed against him, which the younger is fine with, he had nowhere he wanted to go.

“…What’s your name?” Wade finally asks, breaking the silence they’d caged themselves in. Peter’s face lights up slightly at the question. Wade… was asking for his name, he was finally going to let him tell him.

“Peter… my name is Peter Parker.” He says in a soft voice, feeling excitement building in his chest.  _ Finally _ , Peter had never been more relieved to be able to introduce himself to someone. The corner of Wade’s mouth twitches up into a fond smile.

“Peter…” He repeats like he’s testing the name out on his own tongue. 

And it’s so stupid, but it’s the best feeling finally hearing his name come from Wade’s mouth, floating in his head in Wade’s voice. Peter bites his bottom lip in an attempt and fail to hold back his smile as he gives a firm nod.

“I told you your name would be just as nerdy as you looked.” Wade teases. Peter chuckles and lightly pinches Wade’s arm. Wade squirms against the attack, chuckling as he swats Peter’s hand away. “Peter Parker… my heartmate. Not Spidey, Peter.”

“Wade…” Peter breathes out, not really sure what he’s meant to say to that. It made his chest feel tight and he couldn’t get the smile to leave his face now no matter what he did.

“I hope you’re okay with Deadpool being your heartmate.” Wade continues, scoffing softly. Peter pushes himself up onto his toes, cupping Wade’s face between his hands to kiss the older man.

“Wade Wilson is my heartmate. And I wouldn’t change that for the world,” he says, lips brushing against Wade’s own as he speaks. 

Wade’s smile widens, and he somehow manages to pull Peter closer into his body, holding him firmly against his chest as he leans in to kiss him again. Peter melts into it. There’s nowhere else he’d rather be than right here, in Wade’s arms.


	28. Chapter 28

Before Peter could really grasp what was happening, Wade had carried him to his bed, which wasn’t at all a bad thing. He wasn’t about to complain, he just wanted to be with Wade. So, when Wade lays him out in the middle of his bed and crawls over him, boxing him in against the mattress before he goes back to kissing Peter, he felt a warm sense of contentment at the contact. He wraps his arms loosely around the back of Wade’s neck, holding him in place as he tilts his head to kiss Wade with as much passion as he wants. Wade’s hand rests against his side, rubbing into his ribs before his touch starts to wander around his body.

Peter pulls back from the kiss, lowering his gaze between their bodies with his bottom lip between his teeth as he watches Wade push the bottom of his shirt up enough that he can press his palm against his stomach. Wade’s hand freezes there under Peter’s gaze which draws Peter’s attention from it and to Wade’s face.

“I’m really sorry Peter. I know that… I could say it forever and it’ll never fix what happened. But I do mean it.” Wade mumbles. Peter offers Wade a soft smile and trails his hands slowly down Wade’s sides.

“It’s okay. I… I actually get it, y’know? You’ve always had people hate the person you are, you’ve always hated who you are. So… why would you want someone to stick around if you don’t even believe they might actually mean it when they say they love you?” Peter gives a small shrug. Wade averts his gaze from Peter’s face and chews the inside of his cheek. Peter watches the movement of his jaw. Before Wade has a chance to say anything, Peter tightens his hold on Wade’s sides and flips them over easily, rolling Wade onto his back so that he can box Wade in. This way, Wade can’t try running away. “I really do love you, Wade, I have for a while now.”

Wade swallows audibly, his body tense with nerves and Peter just hopes he’s not actually making the situation worse by making Wade feel like he’s trapped. “I know, the rational part of my brain knows you mean it.” Wade mumbles. Peter offers Wade a kind smile and leans in to press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Let me show you then.” He whispers before he slowly starts to pepper Wade’s face in light kisses.

“And how do you plan on doing that?” Wade asks, and there’s a hint of a chuckle in his tone and Peter’s relieved to hear it. He smiles to himself as he continues to frame Wade’s face with his kisses.

“The only way that we as humans seem to know how to show love these days.” Peter scoffs as he sits up on his knees, shifting himself so that he’s between Wade’s thighs. He rests his hands on Wade’s thighs, rubbing his thumbs into the material of his pants.

“It is called  _ making love _ for a reason.” Wade hums as he shifts a little on the bed, still looking a little tense. “Uh, you sure you wanna though? We don’t have to just because you feel like you should.”

“What about if I want to?” Peter asks. Wade swallows again and his body seems to sink back into the bed more.

“Then, by all means, I’d be a fool to stop you,” Wade states. Peter pushes himself up again and leans over Wade’s body to kiss the merc again.

“I’ll be gentle.”

“You don’t have to; not like you could break me permanently.” Wade offers as his hands trail lightly down Peter’s sides again, eyes following the path they lay.

“I’d rather not find out if I somehow can.” Peter chuckles, going to move back in to get Wade’s clothes off when Wade’s hand suddenly slide up from his hip to his chest. Peter drops his gaze as the rough pad of his thumb rubs into the mark on his chest. Peter’s heart feels like it flutters along with his gut and he reaches up to cover Wade’s hand with his own.

“I can’t believe you’re mine.” Wade’s voice is barely above a whisper and it makes Peter’s heart feel like it’s trying to hammer out of his chest. Peter’s gaze falls to Wade’s own chest, unable to see the mark under his clothing but still knowing exactly where it’s placed in his skin.

“No take backs,” Peter says with a small smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. Wade scoffs and drops his hand from Peter’s chest again.

“Yeah sure, like I’d ever want to.” Wade snorts. Peter shrugs his shoulders as he slides his hands up Wade’s torso under his clothing, dragging it up his body as he goes.

“I’m really not that great,” Peter says as he pulls it free from Wade’s head and arms, chucking them off to the side. Wade’s hands are instantly back on his body, gripping the back of his neck with one hand to pull him down for a slow but firm kiss. It’s brief, but it’s still nice.

“You were willing to be with me before you even knew that we were meant to be together. You’re pretty fucking great, Peter. At least to me anyway. I’m not worth your time of day.” Wade gives a small shrug as he drops his hands away from Peter’s body. Peter gives a small shake of his head as he lowers himself and presses a firm kiss to the mark on Wade’s chest.

“You’re worth so much, Wade. I’m… I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you,” Peter tells him, his smile a little crooked when he sits up again.

“You’re a real sap, Peter Parker.” Wade hums and it’s stupid, Peter’s never liked people who did that, like in  _ The Fault in our Stars _ , calling someone by their full name was just annoying. But for some reason hearing Wade use his full name leaves butterflies in his stomach and warmth in his chest.

“Only for my heartmate.” Peter hums as his hands slide down to the top of Wade’s pants. Wade’s gaze lowers to the movement and he lifts his hips from the bed as Peter slides them down from his hips easily.

“Okay, enough sap, get your dick inside me like you promised.” Wade hums. Peter shakes his head with a light chuckle as he removes Wade of his clothes fully, and it’s nice seeing Wade just laying there, almost content and not trying to hide away now that he’s exposed. Peter leans over him again and offers him a sly smirk.

“I never promised such a thing. In fact, I didn’t promise you anything,” he states, and Wade chews his bottom lip as he grabs Peter’s ass and pulls him down against his body, grinding his hips into Peter’s own.

“Are you really going to turn this offer down?” 

Peter rolls his eyes as he steadies himself on the bed and pushes his hips down firmly into Wade’s own, grinding into him hard enough that Wade lets out a small exhale of breath like he hadn’t been expecting it.

“I think you’d suffer more than I would,” Peter notes, silently hoping that the chafing of his pants against Wade’s cock isn’t uncomfortable. Though Wade does wrap his leg around his waist and pull him down even harder so if it is, he’s not bothered by it clearly.

“Yes, I would, so please for the love of anything you care about, get your dick inside me.” Wade whines. 

Peter chuckles as he ducks his head and kisses Wade, full and firm as he continues to grind down against the merc. Wade’s hands move to Peter’s front, grabbing hold of his pants and starts awkwardly yanking them down his thighs, enough to get Peter’s cock free and that’s about it really before his hands are back on Peter’s back, nails scratching lightly against Peter’s skin as they continue to roll their bodies together.

Peter moans into the kiss as their cocks press against each other’s, sliding side by side almost perfectly as their bodies move in awkward sync. Peter tilts his head and bites softly into Wade’s bottom lip, eliciting a moan from the older so that he can delve his tongue past his lips and lick along the back of his teeth. Wade’s body trembles under Peter’s hands, muscles going completely lax underneath Peter’s body and ministrations.

Peter pulls back from the kiss, panting softly and eyes blow with lust as he stares down at Wade’s squirming form. Wade makes a low whining noise, his eyes shut as his head tips back and he presses his body even harder into Peter’s. Peter bites his tongue as he drinks in the sight of Wade completely falling apart beneath him, and they’ve barely started.

“Pete,” Wade pants out his name, nails still biting into his skin and the noise that follows has Peter’s cock twitching against Wade’s own.

“Fuck,” Peter mutters in a low voice, eyes falling closed as he balls his hands into hand fists in the sheets before he pushes away from Wade’s body, a little reluctantly. He pulls his pants off the rest of the way before he leans over to the side of the bed and opens up his bedside drawer and grabs his lube.

He sits up between Wade’s thighs again, nudging them lightly so that Wade spreads them more as he pops the cap of the bottle open. Wade hesitates for a moment before he lets his legs fall open. Peter notices the hesitation and lifts his gaze to meet Wade’s eye. He rests his hand on the inside of Wade’s thigh and rubs his thumb into his scarred skin.

“You okay?” he asks and Wade gives a slow nod.

“Yeah, just been a while and the boxes are being… charming.” Wade scoffs, moving his hands to his stomach. “I’m fine.”

“We don’t have to do this Wade,” Peter assure again. Because he knows that Wade’s more willing to please than he is to look out for himself.

“No, seriously I’m fine, they’re just being assholes.” Wade sighs. Peter pushes himself up onto his knees again and leans over Wade’s body. He presses a firm kiss to the top of Wade’s forehead, keeping his lips against his skin for a moment.

“You guys better leave my boyfriend alone. He doesn’t need you, and he definitely doesn’t need your bullshit lies.” Peter whispers against Wade’s skin. Wade snorts and drops his head back up at Peter, grinning up at him almost comically.

“Are you seriously chastising the voices in my head?” Wade asks, trying to hold back from full-on laughing, even though something about it makes his chest just feel so nice.

“If I don’t, who will?” Peter asks as he settles back between Wade’s legs and finally gets to lubing up his fingers. Wade’s mouth falls open like he’s got something smart to say but falls short. He chews his bottom lip for a moment, his gaze softening. Peter offers him a small, soft smile. “They’re just your negative thoughts, but louder.”

And while technically it’s not entirely true, they do like to grasp to Wade’s negative self-thoughts and amplify them. Wade fidgets a little as he reaches down with his hand and grasps the back of Peter’s neck. 

He rubs his thumb into Peter’s skin as he returns the smile. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Wade,” Peter mumbles, turning his head into Wade’s arm to press a kiss to his skin before he turns his attention to finally giving Wade what he wants.

His first finger slides in easily, Wade’s relaxed enough that there’s only the slightest bit of resistance from his body. Peter lifts his gaze to watch Wade as he slowly pushes in all the way, pressing his hand firmly against Wade’s body. Wade’s breath hitches slightly, his hips giving a small twitch when Peter curls his finger slightly inside him. Peter keeps his pace slow as he pulls his hand back before working his finger back inside Wade. He constantly shifts the angle of his wrist, opening Wade up carefully but without wanting to drag the process out. Wade’s head tips back slightly, his eyes falling closed as small noises of contentment leave his parted lips.

“You’re beautiful,” Peter whispers, not really intending to say anything, but unable to keep his thoughts to himself. Wade lets out a rough chuckle before he bites his lip lightly.

“Feels good,” He says and that makes Peter feel good about what he’s doing.

He works Wade open until he feels that he’s ready enough for a second and eventually a third finger. By the time he has Wade stuffed full with them, Wade’s cock has leaked a considerable amount of pre-come onto the merc’s stomach and his hips are giving little thrusts against Peter’s hand. And the small noises Wade was making have increased to a steady string of moans that have Peter’s own cock twitching against his thigh. He pushes his fingers deep into Wade, twisting his wrist slowly as he lifts his gaze again. Wade’s head is still tilted to the side, but his eyes are on Peter as he pants heavily now.

“Ready?” Peter asks, even though he’s pretty sure Wade’s been ready for a while now. Wade gives a firm nod and lifts his head, moaning softly when Peter pulls his fingers back.

Peter sits back on his hunches and lubes up his cock, stroking himself at a firm but slow pace to get himself covered while also relieving some of the pressure. Wade keeps fidgeting like he’s nervous, but it’s not like they haven’t done this before, even if it was only once. So, Peter’s not sure if it’s that or if he’s just getting impatient. Peter shifts forward, taking hold of Wade’s thigh in his other hand to push it up toward Wade’s body a little more, spreading him wider. He holds his cock against Wade’s ass, stroking the head over his rim for a moment before he starts to push in. 

Wade groans softly as Peter slides in, a lot easier than when they’re in opposite positions. Wade opens up a lot easier than Peter does. Peter rests his hands against Wade’s thighs, rubbing his thumbs into his skin as he sinks in, bottoming out almost instantly. Wade lifts his head again, his lip between his teeth as he shifts to get himself more comfortable. Peter pulls the merc’s thighs up onto his own, holding him firmly in place against his body as he leans over Wade again. Wade reaches up for him, wrapping his arms around Peter’s neck, his hand gripping the hair at the base of Peter’s skull to pull him down against his body. Peter ducks his head willingly and kisses Wade while he shifts his position, keeping himself pressed firmly against Wade.

“If you don’t move sometime soon, I will take things into my own hands,” Wade mumbles, his voice low and a little gruff as he meets Peter’s gaze again.

Peter smirks and pushes himself up a little more to run his hands down Wade’s arms and pull them away from his body. He takes hold of Wade’s wrists and pulls his arms up over Wade’s head, pinning them down into the mattress forcefully, crossing his wrists so that he can keep his hold with just one hand. And Wade gives a weak whine, knowing that he can’t fight Peter’s grip if the younger intended to keep him there.

“I’d like to see you try,” Peter teases, which earns him another whine from Wade. But other than making small noises of complaint, Wade doesn’t try anything. Peter leans in to kiss the column of Wade’s neck and gives a slow roll of his hips.

“You’re gonna kill me, baby boy,” Wade complains, his own hips trying to roll against Peter’s, only to be denied by Peter pinning his hip down with his other hand. Wade groans, the noise one of frustration and it makes Peter snort. He pulls back from Wade’s skin as he gives another slow roll of his hips.

“Consider us even then.” Peter hums.

“I don’t think this is bad enough to be considered fair game,” Wade mumbles like he’s still in thought. Peter raises an eyebrow and Wade must realise the look of a challenge as his back arches slightly and he gives another whimper. “No, it’s fine, you don’t have to do worse.” Wade rushes to get out.

Peter sits up a little, drumming his fingers against Wade’s wrists. He could grab a web-shooter and deal with the problem that way, but he wants to see how much control Wade can have. Because he knows that Wade will play nice. 

“Arms stay where they are, okay?”

Wade gives a quick nod of his head and Peter pulls away, taking hold of both of Wade’s thighs, pushing his legs up into his body, holding him steady as he finally starts to move properly. They’re still slow movements, but he does pull back slowly, sliding out most of the way before he pushes back in with the same gentle movement from when he first slid into the merc. Wade’s making almost silent noises in the back of his throat, trying to keep himself as still as possible.

Peter watches him, panting softly as he rocks into Wade’s body. He watches as Wade clenches and unclenches his fists repeatedly, his hips still trying to roll back into Peter’s own as best as he can manage. Peter shifts his position again, pushing up on his toes a little more as he digs his fingers lightly into Wade’s thighs. He uses the new leverage to pick up the pace of his thrusts, gradually at first before he starts pounding into the merc roughly.

“ _ Fuck, _ Peter,” Wade moans softly and his head tips back against the pillows as his toes curl. Peter’s thrusts speed up until the bed is starting to groan with the strain of his movements and he has Wade a blubbering mess beneath him.

“Wade… God, you feel so good.” Peter grunts, gritting his teeth slightly as he tells himself over and over that he can’t give Wade as much as he says he can take, despite how tempting it’d be to test that out.

Peter’s thrusts aren’t fast, but they’re firm and full, skin slapping against skin audibly even over Wade’s own noises of pleasure. And he can feel Wade trying to clench up around his cock, forcing more pleasure over him at the squeeze. Peter chews his bottom lip, holding his noises in the back of his throat as he tries to keep his focus on Wade. He shifts a little, and it must be the right angle because it has Wade crying out softly, shoulders pushing back into the bed and his arms moving from their designated position instantly. Peter’s quick to grab Wade’s wrist and crowd his body over Wade’s to pin his arms back above his head again, which in turn shifts his position again.

“S-shit, baby,” Wade’s whimpering pulls a smirk across Peter’s lips again.

“I said no moving.” Peter hums as he keeps himself held over Wade, his other hand still gripping Wade’s thigh and holding him spread open. 

Wade mewls softly, meeting Peter’s gaze as he pants heavily. He looks like maybe he wants to apologise, but can’t form the words. Which is fine, Peter’s not expecting it from him. He just holds Wade down harder and starts to pick up the speed of his thrusts even more.

Peter ducks his head slightly, eyes closing as the pleasure starts to catch up to him in harsh waves and he knows that he’s not going to last long. That’s what happens when you ignore your body and give yourself the worse case of blue balls imaginable. Wade makes a low sound which draws Peter’s attention back to him, his arms actually fighting in Peter’s hold this time as his eyes roll closed.

“Baby boy, please,” He whines. 

Peter wets his lips before he surges up and kisses Wade. It’s forceful and rough, their tongues beating together more than anything as they struggle to catch their breath amongst it. Peter’s hand moves from Wade’s thigh to grip his side and he shifts his legs to really start pounding into him. The force has their bodies jolting against the bed, and it almost hurts how hard he moves, but he’s able to keep himself from losing it completely.

Wade starts rambling and crying out, head tipped back so far that Peter can’t keep their lips locked together and he just watches the utter mess Wade becomes as he falls apart. Peter keeps his mouth busy, kissing and biting across Wade’s throat to muffle his own noises of pleasure. Wade’s legs lock around Peter’s waist so tight that his heels dig into the base of Peter’s spine. It only urges Peter on.

Wade’s still begging and pleading, arms yanking at Peter’s hold because he knows he can. It’s for show because he can’t escape the grasp Peter has on him and the sense of desperation has Peter’s head spinning. He keeps his mouth pressed to Wade’s throat as he drops his hand from Wade’s side and finally takes hold of Wade’s cock. The head’s slick with pre-come and it throbs in his grip as he gives the base a firm squeeze before he starts jerking Wade off.

His strokes are forceful, up the entire length of his cock, thumb flicking over the head and pressing into the slit before he works his hand back down, not even fast, but rough enough to have Wade moaning for more. And enough to have Wade stop struggling in his grip. Peter presses his lips to the underside of Wade’s jaw, and Wade turns his head into the feeling and their lips meet again. Wade continues to moan and whine into it, his body trembling under Peter’s hands. But it’s not long before Wade pulls back from the kiss again, cursing softly while his back arches off the bed again.

“I’m gonna come, fuck, Peter.” Wade’s voice is so low and high-pitched from his whining and the noise goes straight to Peter’s dick. Peter groans, dropping his head forward for a moment to try and regain himself before he meets Wade’s hazy gaze again.

“Arms stay,” he reminds him and Wade nods frantically. The moment Peter’s pulling his hand away, Wade’s fisting his hands into the pillow.

Peter sits up again and abandons the force of his thrusts in favour of speed. And again the angle has his cock stimulating Wade’s prostate properly to which Wade cries out instantly. Peter strokes Wade’s cock faster, trying to keep his pace the same as his thrusts into Wade. The merc’s a blabbing mess again, cursing and moaning with his eyes rolling back into his head and panting like an animal. Peter grips his hip tight, forcing his body back onto his cock roughly.

“Babe, f-fuck,” Wade manages to get out around all his other noises, his body tensing up in Peter’s hands. 

Peter mutters under his breath as Wade’s body clenches down on him and his cock twitches in his hand. Peter strokes him through his orgasm, still pounding into him at his rough pace as Wade’s release covers his stomach and chest.

Wade falls limp against the bed, chest heaving with every laboured, shaky breath as his eyes closed. Peter gives his cock a few more firm strokes before he pulls his hand away, gripping Wade’s hips as he continues to thrust into him, slowing his pace down. Wade moans softly and looks up at him, dropping his hands from above his head to grip Peter’s knees a little awkwardly. Peter allows the contact. His pace slows slightly before he pulls out, taking hold of himself and jerking off as he looks Wade over.

Wade’s lidded eyes trail down his body and he gives a low noise as he watches Peter’s fist work over himself. Peter’s chest heaves and his body shakes slightly from the exertion and the pleasure surging through his body. He chews his bottom lip, feeling the coil in the pit of his stomach tightening. He lets out a rush of breath, mumbling Wade’s name to himself as he pushes himself forward again, sliding his cock back into Wade as he comes.

“Fuck yeah,” Wade groans, wrapping his legs around Peter’s waist again as he pulls him in close and hard against his body. Peter’s hips twitch as his head tips back slightly and he lets out a soft sound as he fills up the merc. Wade rubs his thumbs into Peter’s thighs and wriggles his hips down onto Peter’s cock.

“Wade…” Peter sighs, gripping Wade’s hips tightly in his hands as he works on catching his breath. Wade pushes himself up, grabbing the back of Peter’s neck to pull him in for another kiss. It’s a lot slower and softer and Peter hates that Wade’s basically already recovered from his orgasm. Stupid healing factor.

Peter pulls back, still trying to catch his breath as he pulls out of Wade again. Wade wraps his arms around Peter’s shoulders and pulls him down with him as he lays back on the bed. There’s a part of Peter’s brain that tells him they should clean up first because otherwise they’re gonna be stuck together by Wade’s come. But he throws those thoughts away and happily lays out over Wade’s chest, nuzzling into the crook of Wade’s neck.

Wade tilts his head down and kisses Peter’s head softly, his arms wrapped lightly but securely around Peter’s body. Peter rests his palm against Wade’s chest and closes his eyes for a moment, letting the already slowed thump of Wade’s heartbeat beneath his hand ease him some. Wade was here, Wade was  _ his _ and there was nothing that would ever be able to change that now. Peter slowly lifts his head and meets Wade’s gaze. He leans up into him and presses a light kiss to his lips before he shifts off of Wade and lays on his back beside him. He lets out a content sigh as he lets himself come down completely. But the nagging in the back of his head returns almost instantly, reminding him of what he was meant to be doing before Wade showed up.

“I have to call my Aunt,” Peter mumbles softly. Wade turns his head to look over to him, a sly smirk turning up the corner of his mouth.

“Right now? You’re still covered in come, Peter.” Wade chuckles, sprawling his arm out to rest his hand lightly over Peter’s stomach.

“No, not right now. But tonight… don’t let me try and chicken out of it. I… I’ve been ignoring her,” Peter admits. 

He doesn’t really have a reason to tell her about him and Wade breaking up since that’s fixed itself now. He just has to apologise for missing her call and reschedule, if Wade was up for it. Wade rolls onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow as he rests his hand against Peter’s chest.

“Okay, after dinner, how does that sound? I’ll cook you something nice, it’s the least I can do.” Wade offers. He drums his fingers lightly against Peter’s chest, his eyes skimming over Peter’s form briefly.

“Okay,” Peter mumbles, giving a small nod of his head. 

Wade nods in return and leans up into him, pressing a light kiss to his lips before he goes to push himself up and get out of bed. Peter’s quick to grab hold of his wrist and keep him from going anywhere. Wade pauses and looks back down to him, waiting for what he needs to say. 

“Um… would you… would you like to meet them; May, MJ and Harry?” He manages to ask.

Wade doesn’t even tense up, which Peter is a little surprised about. Instead, his smile softens as he pecks Peter’s cheek. “I guess since I’m your heartmate I should probably meet them. For real this time,” Wade offers.

“We don’t have to… jump right into it. If you need time…” Peter trails off, giving a light shrug. He didn’t want to push Wade, otherwise, he’d end up being uncomfortable and he won’t want to meet them at all. Wade rests his hand over Peter’s and gives it a light squeeze.

“Baby boy, you could give me a thousand years and I’d still be self-conscious about meeting them. Best we get it out of the way as soon as we can.” Wade gives a small shrug of his shoulders. “I’m done with hiding from you, and I don’t want to hide from your family either.”

Peter gives a small nod as he slowly sits up with Wade. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you, for trusting me,” Wade says, and Peter’s stomach feels like it flutters. He’d always trust Wade, from this day on. He had no reason not to now.


	29. Chapter 29

Having to retell MJ everything that happened finally involved confessing who he really was. She was less surprised then he’d thought she would be. She admitted that she knew he had some kind of secret, but she was never able to figure out what it was. Knowing that he was Spider-Man put a lot of puzzle pieces together. Telling her that Wade was Deadpool was a little harder. She was cautious at first, and Peter understood that with the reputation that Wade had. Even though they were heartmates, she was worried for him. So, he invited her over to Wade’s and they hung out for nearly four hours. By the end of the visit, he knew she’d warmed up to Wade, which made everything so much easier.

Luckily, Peter hadn’t gotten around to telling May or Harry about breaking up with Wade, but due to the whole heartmate situation they were now in, they had to know the truth too. Which wasn’t going to be as easy as telling MJ. Peter just knew that. MJ has been trying to assure him that it’ll be okay, but Peter’s nerves are just alight with concern for the whole week leading up to the dinner he’d organised for them all. One, as a way to finally introduce Wade to them, and two, to drop that truth bomb.

“Peter, for the love of  _ me,  _ will you stop that? You’re making me nervous.” Wade’s voice shakes him out of his spiralling thoughts. He lifts his head and meets Wade’s eye, swallowing thickly as he notices that he’s been chewing on the side of his finger and tapping his foot repeatedly as he stared at the set table in his apartment.

“Sorry,” Peter mumbles, dropping his hands to his sides, his shoulders stiff as he lowers his gaze. Wad sighs and moves over to him. He lightly grabs Peter’s biceps, thumbs rubbing into the muscle as he offers Peter the most calming smile he can.

“I’m the one who looks like regurgitated dog food and I’m less on edge than you are.” Wade states. Peter chews harder on his bottom lip.

“Don’t say that.” He mumbles, and Wade huffs out a sigh.

“I mean it’s true-”

“You’re beautiful Wade.” Peter cuts in, lifting his hand to lightly trace a finger down the outline of Wade’s jaw.

“I know, you tell me all the time Peter, I’m just saying. You’ve gotta relax. They’re the most important people in your life, right?” Wade questions, giving Peter an expectant look. 

Part of Peter wants to argue that no, Wade was the most important person in his life now and that by default that pushed the other’s down on the list, but he also knows what Wade means by that. So, he just keeps quiet about it. He gives a firm nod of agreement.

“They’re not going to hate you, they’re going to understand and they’re going to continue to be amazing and supportive of you. Just trust me on this. The last time you trusted me worked out pretty well, didn’t it?” Wade points out. Peter huffs out a breath. Wade will never let him live that down, he just knows it. It’ll be his trump card for the rest of their lives. Peter leans into Wade, resting his head against the merc’s shoulder.

“I just overthink everything.”

“You don’t need to tell me, baby boy.” Wade chuckles, pressing a quick kiss to Peter’s forehead. 

Before Peter can even argue the fact that he’s not  _ that bad _ , even though he’s not fooling anyone by saying it, there’s a firm knock on the door. Peter tenses up and turns his head to face it like he was ready for it to attack him. Wade gives his arms a small squeeze. 

“I’d offer to get that, but they probably need a moment to brace themselves before they see my butter face.”

Peter doesn’t have time to argue the point when Wade turns him toward the door and shoves him in its direction as he moves back into the kitchen to busy himself with something. Peter takes in a deep breath and heads for the door. MJ and Harry had offered to pick May up on the way over since her place is on the way and then that way Peter didn’t have to run around. Not that Peter would have minded of course, but he’s thankful they decided to do that for him.

Peter knows that MJ had explained the whole situation with Matt posing as Wade to Harry, but he knows that the conversation hadn’t gone anywhere from there. So, besides Peter telling May and Harry about Wade’s appearance, they are in a sense going in blind. Peter takes in another deep breath before he opens the door, flashing them the calmest smile he can manage.

“Hey,” he greets, instantly feeling some nerves ebb away at seeing them all. 

They really were the most important people in his life, so this meant everything to him and he knew, there was a part of him deep down that knew Wade was right. They were going to take to everything well, he just had to relax.

“Hi, sweetheart.” May steps up to him and he happily accepts the hug, more than relieved to see her again. He still felt bad about the whole situation regarding the cancelled dinner, so he was happy that they were finally catching up. “Where’s the man of the hour?”

“Wade’s in the kitchen,” Peter offers and she’s pulling away the moment she’s planted a kiss on his cheek to head that way. Peter’s stomach rolls nervously but he tries to ignore it as he turns to Harry and MJ.

“She’s been boasting about how excited she is to meet him the whole way over.” MJ chuckles and Peter chews the inside of his lip as he tries to hold back from smiling.

“At least there’s that,” Peter mumbles as MJ hugs him.

“I’ll go save him from her.” She jokes as she pulls back and follows after May. Peter turns back to Harry and pulls him in for his own hug after he’s shut the door.

“It’s good to see you, you look so much better, man.” Harry notes and Peter knows he does but it’s still nice hearing it from someone else. He’s been taking better care of himself, though Wade has been making sure of that daily, so it’s a little hard not to.

“I am, honestly,” Peter says as they pull back from each other. Harry nudges his side.

“I’m happy for you, Pete, really.” Harry offers Peter a soft smile and this is the reason that Harry is Peter’s best friend. 

He’s never wanted anything more than for Peter to be happy. And he’s always looked out for him, helping to make sure that he got there. Peter will never take him for granted.

Peter gestures for Harry to head for the kitchen and he takes a moment to recollect himself before he follows after the man. He’s relieved to see that MJ and May are holding conversation with Wade and the pressure in his chest momentarily subsides at the sight of them together just talking. Since MJ had already met Wade, Peter expected her to be able to talk to him naturally, but May was doing just as well. She was boasting about Peter, as he expected she would at this point. Harry and himself entering the room draws the attention to them. Peter tries not to tense up again as Harry pauses for a brief second. Wade doesn’t have time to even make a joke about it, which Peter’s sure he’d wanted to in hopes of lessening the tension before Harry’s stepping over to him and introducing himself.

“Not that it isn’t obvious, but I’m Harry,” he says and Peter wants to roll his eyes.

“Peter’s told me a lot about you. Sometimes you’re all he talks about,” Wade states, glancing over to Peter with a smug smirk.

“Really? Pete, why didn’t you say something buddy?” And it’s nice to see Harry play along, but it’s also a little embarrassing because no, Peter doesn’t exclusively talk about Harry but he does know he speaks of him a lot. Peter nudges Harry off when he throws his arm around his shoulder.

“Shut up, Wade.” Peter huffs. He can feel the tension in the room, the unasked question about Wade’s eyes. The weight of it is crazy but Peter’s prepared to carry it just a little while longer. Wade can obviously feel it too, and he offers Peter a small smile before he turns back to the others.

“I hope you guys are hungry, dinner’s ready,” He states, drawing the attention back to something else.

“Peter says you’re a pretty decent cook,” MJ notes.

“He is,” Peter confirms and Wade waves it off.

“I guess you guys will be the judge of that tonight.” Wade hums before he turns away. “Take a seat, I’ll grab the food.”

Peter almost offers to help, but he knows Wade doesn’t need it and will insist that it’s fine. So instead he takes his seat with the others. May leans forward on the table from where she sits across from him and offers him a soft smile.

“You said you met him at work, right?” She asks and here it is, the moment he had been dreading. Peter tries to keep himself calm as he gives a slow nod.

“Yeah,” And he could leave it there, but he knows that he has to get this out. “Just not at the work you think, May.” He admits. 

He lifts his gaze briefly and meets MJ’s eye. She looks calm, which isn’t helping him. May straightens up a little, looking slightly perplexed. Harry looks equally confused by the statement. Wade comes back into the room before any more questions can be asked.

“Okay, help yourselves. I hope it lives up to the expectations.” Wade states as he places the meal in the centre of the table before he takes his seat beside Peter.

“It smells incredible,” MJ offers and Wade beams at her.

“Hopefully it tastes just as good,” he says before the silence sets in again as everyone starts serving themselves.

“So, what other job are you working Pete? I didn’t know you had a second job,” Harry asks after a moment. Peter takes in a steady breath, trying to figure out how to answer that question. Wade looks back and forth between the two.

“We talking about how we met?” Wade asks and Peter gives a quick nod of his head. Wade shifts forward a little and rests his hands flat on the table top. “I’m a mercenary.” He blurts out and instantly Peter wants to go into full panic mode but he manages not to do more than snap his head in Wade’s direction and stare. Wade rests his hand on Peter’s thigh, rubbing it firmly.

“Relax, baby boy, you know they have to know.” Wade lifts his gaze and looks over to May and Harry. “You’ve probably heard of me at some point, well at least of Deadpool. I’m not as much trouble as everyone thinks I am. At least I try not to be, Peter’s helped with that.

“I’ve been Deadpool for as long as I can remember, it’s what my life is. And I’ve been able to regenerate since I became Deadpool, which is why I have white eyes. So there’s that unasked question answered.” Wade turns his gaze back to Peter.

“And we met as Deadpool and Spider-Man,” Peter manages to mumble. Wade gives his thigh a soft squeeze and it eggs Peter on enough to look back to the others. There’s a lot of confusion and concern looking back at them. Peter clears his throat. “That’s why my eye is white because Wade’s are since he’s been dead, I guess. I’m not really sure how it works if I’m honest but… his eyes are white and mine is white because we’re heartmates.”

“You’re heartmates?” Harry asks like he hadn’t heard correctly. 

Peter gives a firm nod and tugs the front of his shirt down just enough to show the mark in the middle of his chest. There’s a long pause of silence that goes through the room in which Peter holds his breath. May is the one to speak up first.

“Peter, you know I’m not someone to judge a book by its cover.” She turns her gaze to Wade and offers him a kind smile. “I want you to understand that your profession will only ever be a problem if it in any way hurts my nephew.”

“I assure you May, I have no intentions of hurting him. I think he’s had enough pain in his life,” Wade says as he turns his gaze back to Peter. 

Peter rests his hand atop Wade’s on his thigh and gives it a light squeeze. He could say the same thing for Wade, but he knows there’s no need to. Wade understands. He looks back to the others and chews on his bottom lip.

“So… you’re cool with all this? Including me being Spider-Man?” he asks, cringing slightly.

“I mean, I guess I knew something was going on, I just wasn’t sure what,” Harry offers with a light shrug of his shoulders.

“I’ve known for a while Peter, you’re not as subtle as you think.” May states and Peter feels like sinking away in his chair. Of course she knew.

“C’mon May, he tried his best,” Wade teases and Peter elbows him in the ribs.

“Peter, so long as you’re safe and happy, I don’t care what you do or who you’re with. I’m just relieved you found your heartmate,” May says, her smile too kind for him to handle. He feels the tears building but he refuses to let them fall as he swallows thickly.

“Yeah, I am too.” He manages to get out, keeping his gaze on the table. Wade’s hand gives another light squeeze and he nearly loses it. He was so lucky to have the people he did in his life.

“I’m guessing MJ knew?” Harry asks knowingly as he looks to her. She gives a light shrug.

“Someone had to know all the dirty details before we got here,” she offers, clearly not intending to go into anything. Peter meets her gaze and returns her soft smile. “Now, let’s eat. I’m starving, and this smells so good my mouths watering.”

Wade chuckles at the compliment to his cooking again before he slides his hand off Peter’s thigh as everyone starts to dig in. Eventually, casual conversation starts up and everything feels normal. It’s the happiest Peter’s ever been in his life.


	30. Chapter 30

Peter lands on the roof with a heavy thud, nearly losing his footing as he tries to slow his momentum. It’s been a long night; a lot of bad guys to deal with and he’s been overthinking a lot, so his mind is otherwise distracted, meaning that his focus is just a mess. So maybe the night hasn’t been any different than it normally would be, but his wandering mind has made it more difficult for him and thus, he’s had a rough night. But the sun was starting to peak its head over the horizon, so his shift was unofficially over for the night. Good thing he didn’t have work tomorrow.

Not a moment later, as he composes himself, he hears the faint scuff of boots against the roof, presenting his company to him. And it’s always funny how heavy footed he himself can sound when he throws himself around and how lightweight Wade can sound when he’s so much bigger than Peter is.

“I’ll give you an eight for form but a three for execution, baby boy. You had all the ingredients to make a cake and somehow you produced a pie.” Wade offers as he steps up to Peter’s side. He rolls his eyes as he stands up straighter and tugs his mask off his face.

“So, I’m guessing you got my message?” Peter asks as he almost carelessly drops his mask to the roof. It’s not going anywhere anytime soon and he does not have pockets. And no, he’s not getting a belt with pouches, he doesn’t need them,  _ Wade _ .

“The fact that you know exactly what time I’m going to be around any food vendor is concerning enough, the idea that you know exactly which one I’m going to be at when I have no order to when and where I visit is even more worrisome.” Wade states. Peter shrugs.

“Lucky guess?”

“No, it’s because I mentioned tortillas this morning and it tipped you off,” Wade concludes, crossing his arms over his chest. Peter gives him a toothy grin as he steps into the merc’s space.

“You’re a little predictable babe, but only when it comes to food,” Peter offers. Wade hums and drops his hands to rest them on Peter’s hips, tugging him in closer.

“I won’t deny it. Now, since my boyfriend put in the effort to leave a note on the web regarding a meet up on the roofs at sunrise, the boxes and I have come to the conclusion that we’re going to have sex,” Wade announces it like he’s one hundred percent positive. 

Maybe he thinks if he sounds convincing enough Peter will agree to it. He can’t help but chuckle at his choice of words, especially the boyfriend part. Peter steps closer into Wade and wraps his arms around the back of his neck.

“We’ll see, it has been a while.” Peter hums. Peter can practically feel Wade’s grin through his mask. “But do you know where we are?” Peter asks, stepping back again to look around at the roof they were on, hands sliding down Wade’s back.

“If this is a test, I’m going to be really disappointed,” Wade says, and Peter rolls his eyes.

“Wade...”

“Of course I know where we are Petey, did you really think I’d ever forget the day I met you?” Wade asks with slight offence to his tone. Peter bites into his bottom lip lightly and averts his gaze.

“I tried to forget for a long time,” he admits. Wade shrugs.

“Yeah, I don’t blame you.” Wade hums and Peter offers him a small smile.

“I was kind of an idiot,” Peter mumbles as he moves his hand to one of the far back pouches of Wade’s belt. 

He didn’t need pouches when Wade had enough. And he knew for a fact Wade wouldn’t check this one, it’s full of little packets of lube and condoms and Peter knows that Wade isn’t sleeping with anyone else and they haven’t had use for them lately so of course Wade has no reason to look. Because of course, a mercenary needs all the essentials on hand.

“We’re both kind of idiots,” Wade offers and Peter chuckles softly as he closes up the pouch again, having retrieved what he needs.

“Yeah, and I kind of love that about us,” Peter says as he pushes himself up on his toes to peck Wade’s covered lips.

“I kind of love us.” Wade hums and Peter chuckles again. He couldn’t have asked for a better heartmate even if he  _ tried _ .

“I’m glad,” he whispers before he steps back, keeping his hands on Wade’s sides. “Can you take your mask off for me?” he asks as he slides his hands down Wade’s thighs as he lowers himself down onto one knee.

“So, you were booty calling me. Baby, you could have just sent a text instead of going through the whole web spinning nonsense at a food vendor.” Wade states as his mask joins Peter’s on the roof, his hand following Peter’s head to stroke his fingers through Peter’s hair. Peter can’t help but laugh, trying to cut it off by covering his mouth with his free hand. He presses his forehead against Wade’s stomach as his shoulders shake with his chuckling.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, biting back his smile when he lifts his head again. Wade’s raising his eyebrow ridge, clearly unsure what’s so amusing to the younger. Peter straightens up his back and pulls his hands away from Wade’s body, holding out the little velvet box in front of him as he meets Wade’s eye with a fond smile. “I’ll blow you later to make up for the confusion, promise.”

For the first time in a long time, Wade’s left speechless, staring at Peter like he doesn’t believe what he’s seeing. His gaze flickers from the box to Peter’s face, back to the box again. Peter just continues to smile up at him as he opens it up, the soft sound of the hinge locking open the only noise between them.

“Get the fuck out, you’re not being serious.” Wade almost gasps, standing completely stock still like if he moved something bad would happen. Peter tries to hold back from grinning like an idiot.

“I mean, there’s no written rule that heartmates have to spend forever together, it’s just another aspect to our lives. A heartmate just means someone you’re connected to emotionally. Nowhere does it say you have to fall in love and start a life together but… I think I wanted that with you before I even knew you were meant to be mine.” Peter admits, swallowing a little thickly as he straightens himself up a little more, rolling his shoulders back just enough for it. “So, Wade Wilson, will you do the honours of marrying me?”

And Wade’s smile was worth more to Peter then anything else in this world could ever hope to be. His hand finally moves from Peter’s hair, coming around to cup Peter’s cheek, thumb rubbing lightly into his skin. Peter leans into the touch, the rough feeling of Wade’s fingers on his skin more calming than it probably should be.

“I’m gonna have to correct you there, it’s Wade Parker, actually,” Wade says like it’s fact and Peter’s chest only tightens further.

“Wade…”

“C’mere, baby boy.” Wade offers, holding his hand out. 

Peter takes it and Wade pulls him to his feet and against his chest. His hand comes up to rest on Peter’s cheek again as he tilts the youngers head to kiss him, slow and soft. Peter squeezes his hand around the velvet box, making sure that the ring doesn’t go anywhere. Wade pulls back and rests his forehead against Peter’s own, dropping his gaze to the box.

“You didn’t have to.” He mumbles and Peter scoffs softly and nuzzles his nose against Wade’s own.

“Yes, I did. This is all I’ve wanted since the day my eye changed.” He admits. Wade chews his bottom lip slightly as he pulls back just enough to be able to look at Peter’s face properly.

“Would be pretty shitty if I said no then, wouldn’t it?” Wade hums and Peter’s heart feels like it lurches in his chest. It must show on his face because Wade’s instantly cupping both his cheeks and grinning. “I’m joking, relax. Marrying you… I can’t think of anything that might be better.”

Peter closes his eyes and huffs out a breath. Wade could be such a pain sometimes, but he’s pretty sure that’s where half of the appeal comes from. “Not even a rooftop blow job, for the road?” he asks.

“That’s a very close second.” Wade agrees. He lifts his hand to his mouth, biting into the finger of his glove before he yanks it off, spitting it out to the side before he holds it up, offering it to Peter. “Now, do you like it enough to put a ring on it or not?”

Peter shakes his head softly as he gives a small chuckle. He pulls the ring from the box, dropping that off to the side with their masks before he slides the titanium band onto Wade’s finger. He lets out a small sigh of relief when it fits. Wade locks his fingers between Peter’s own as he pulls him in for yet another slow kiss that lingers just the right amount.

“I love you, Peter,” Wade whispers when they part again.

“I love you too.”

“I do have to ask though, how’d you get the fit so right and where did you even pull this from?” Wade asks, raising his eyebrow ridge. Peter chews his bottom lip.

“I took the measurement from one of your gloves and as for where I got it from,” Peter slides his hand back around Wade’s back, resting it atop the curve of Wade’s ass. “I’m crafty and you never double check your load.”

“Cheeky Spidey.” Wade scoffs as he drops his own hands to Peter’s ass, sliding lower to his thighs before he hoists Peter up against him. Peter wraps his limbs around Wade like it’s second nature.

“What happened to your rooftop blowie?” Peter asks as Wade, keeping Peter held against him, collects up their stuff from the roof.

“Raincheck, we deserve something a little more romantic right now.” Wade hums as he hands Peter his mask.

“I can get behind that.” He agrees as he nuzzles into the side of Wade’s neck, pressing light kisses to any exposed skin he can reach. “You’re not as well known for your romantic side as you should be.”

“It’s probably because you’re the only person I want to romance,” Wade states. “After all, you are the love of my life; my heartmate.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Check out my Tumblr](http://bloodthirstymerc.tumblr.com/about_merc) for more of me! It'd mean the world to me and would really help me out.


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